Life for rent
by AmyNY
Summary: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting. BL
1. Line begins to blur

Pairing: Brooke/Lucas with minor Naley

Disclaimer: The show is the property of The WB and the lyrics at the beginning are by Nine Inch Nails. The only thing I won is the idea for the story.

AN: This takes place about five years after season 4 and the THH graduation. For the sake of the story let's pretend that season 5 and 6 never happened, I know I do… Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1 – The line begins to blur

_The more I stay in here, the more it's not so clear__  
__The more I stay in here, the more I disappear__  
__As far as I have gone I knew what side I'm on__  
__But now I'm not so sure, the line begins to blur... _

-BL-

There comes a certain time in one person's life when you find yourself looking at your own life from outsiders' perspective and end up wondering where the hell did you go wrong? It just so happens that for Brooke that moment came while she was at an after party organized by the Mark Jacobs himself to celebrate his new fall/winter collection he presented that night. It was a strange place for a moment of self-reflection and contemplation of your own existence but she wasn't all that surprised. In fact, it seemed kind of appropriate.

She was standing by a group of gentlemen who were involved in a heated discussion that she wasn't paying much attention to, holding a half empty glass of champagne. It was too warm and it did nothing to cool down her body in this hot New York summer night.

Brooke could feel her short dress sticking to her body and not in a good way, making her desperate for an exit. Maybe she could hold it together for another hour before waving him from across the room, signaling that she's had enough and it was time for them to leave.

But for now she needed to stay and mingle or at least stand by the bar and smile, pretending she was having the time of her life. Which was usually the case, but tonight even faking it proved difficult to do. Perhaps she was just tired. After all there was a limit to how many after show parties a girl could attend in a week without feeling like she was about to pass out. But this was the Mark Jacobs after party and there was no time for rest.

God, since when has her life turned into an endless whirlwind of parties, fashion shows and false pleasantries? And what happened to it all being about making the clothes she loved and making your dreams come true? Guess it shared the same fate as those Mark Jacobs dresses after tonight's show. It sold out.

She was lost in her own thoughts that run rampant, making her head feel like a center of a raging twister, when something that one of the men standing beside her said caught her attention.

"I know, but don't you think that those first time authors get a lot of undeserved attention from the press as it is?" he asked a guy beside him.

"Yes, but they need it in order to develop and eventually succeed in the business. How will they ever get famous if bookstore owners store their book in some dusty corner in the back? All they could hope is that some poor soul will be brave enough to venture from the safe haven of some of the best known writers like Steinbeck, Hemingway, Salinger or Tolstoy and pick a first time author of a book he never heard of instead," the guy said sarcastically and added with a shrug "Like that's ever gonna happen."

"I have to agree with Kevin on that one," a woman standing beside the dark haired guy said "For example, around three months ago I accidentally found myself at the book signing of Lucas Scott, a first time author from a small town. His book is amazing, I read the whole thing in a day but if I haven't accidentally came there that day I'd probably never look it up on the shelves or read it for that matter."

"See, just like in fashion business, advertising and marketing are everything," Kevin said, looking pleased.

"And what about the talent?" the other guy asked. "Doesn't that count for something? I'm sure that the Scott guy had to have some talent if he got that far. I mean getting your book published is a pretty big thing."

Brooke sighed at the mention of his name before drinking up the rest of her champagne. Haley did mention it once, Lucas getting his book published, but she wasn't really paying much attention. Or at least she was trying not to. Because he was the part of her past and she didn't care what he did with his life now. Or so she told herself.

"Scott, like that Charlotte Bobcats player that retired after that terrible accident, what was his name-" the blonde standing next to Kevin said.

"Nathan Scott, yes they're brothers actually."

"God, he is so handsome. He could totally be a Kelvin Cline model."

"I know," another one agreed with a loud sigh as Brooke tried not to role her eyes.

"If Lucas is anything like him then I have to go to one of those book signings once," the blonde added as they both laughed.

Even though it was very worm in the room she trembled, feeling light-headed all of a sudden. Brooke was never a big fan of reading but there was that one afternoon a few months ago when she walked by a certain bookstore four times trying to work up the courage to go in before giving up and going to work instead. She came to her company an hour late and was greeted with a worried looking Millicent who told her that Victoria needed to see her right away.

"Oh believe me he is, and he's got that old school charm going for him that just knocks you of your feet. But don't bother, last I heard he was engaged to some tall blonde chick," said the brunette, thinking for a moment before adding "Maybe she's a model."

"Well, then I've got a shot," the other one said as the whole group burst into laughter.

Brooke decided she's finally had enough since this conversation made her want to throw up for multiple different reasons. One being that she couldn't believe she actually hang out with this sort of people now, since obviously they couldn't be more superficial even if they tried to. The second reason was Lucas Scott. He was writing books, being a person he always wanted to be and she was changing the world by being involved in a conversation about hot guys and models.

Somehow, she was certain that this was not what he had in mind when he wrote those words about her. Where was that brave, brilliant, fierce girl now?

Suddenly, it was hard to breathe and her eyes landed on Blake's back a few feet away. This room was becoming smaller and smaller by the second much like her own body and she was overwhelmed by the need to escape, run as far as she possibly could in these shoes. But how can you run away from yourself?

-BL-

Making her way through the crowd she finally reached Blake, breathless "We should go."

"Okay," he agreed, and she breathed a sigh of relief, glad he didn't ask her any questions about this sudden need for leaving, for once not telling her to take a cab and go home because he wanted to stay just a little bit longer.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he rubbed his hands up and down her arms to warm her up, genuine concern in his voice "You're trembling."

"I'm fine, just a little tired," she lied easily, grabbing his hand as she urged them through the crowd of people, making her way towards the exit, ready to face the paparazzi outside. As the doorman opened the front door and they stepped out it hit her like a ton of bricks.

It was almost as if these last couple of months she has been blindfolded and now finally someone has untied the fold and she opened her eyes for the first time in so long.

Everything was a mess, a big fucking mess but not the mess her white summer dress was after that night spent at the beach with him, or the way her hair looked when she'd walked out of Tric after a long night of dancing at 3 am with her friends, a smile plastered on her cherry-glossed lips. No, it was more like the kind of mess the main living room of her parents' house was the morning after they had a big fight that ended up with them telling her that her dad was leaving and that they were getting a divorce, with shattered vases and expensive china, and their family photos lying on the carpet, glass broken just like her heart.

That's precisely how she felt right now, her fingers intervened with Blake's, a fake smile in place, reminding them all on what they wanted to have, reminding her what she lost a long time ago. She lifted her head up to look at him, her deep hazel eyes locking with his brown ones, as she desperately tried to quiet that little voice in the back of her head that wondered why they weren't blue. It was a silly, useless wish but she was a fighter all her life and she'd be damned if she'd admit defeat now.

But the man standing next to her was a perfect reminder of how willing she was to settle for less rather than to fight, and every time she looked at him she had to suppress the urge to throw up right then and there.

These days she didn't know who that person in the mirror was that was staring back at her anymore but she knew it wasn't Brooke Davis. Because she would rather die than settle for anything, especially when it came to love.

Yes, she didn't know who that person was but she knew that somewhere deep down there was still that person she once knew. A fighter, not a conformist.

-BL-

An endless line of people called out her name, photographers snapped their cameras as she made her way down the red carpet and to her car, feeling more alone than ever. But somewhere deep down she also felt something she hasn't in so long, that tiny glimpse of hope that she could be that person again and that the mess she was in will be nothing but a reminder of the bad times once she finds her way. But right now she had another way to find, the one that would lead her out of the crowd that was surrounding her.

Finally, she reached the black limousine and got in, followed closely by Blake as he closed the door, silencing the cheers and screams of the people outside.

Her lips turned from a smile to a frown in a matter of seconds, when she was completely sure no one could see her anymore. Her eyes were cold, determined, void of any emotion as she turned to face him. She had to do this, it was now or never.

"Blake-"

"Yes honey?" he asked, looking at her with those dark brown eyes, oblivious to the turmoil in her head.

She avoided his eyes knowing she would lose her determination and choose to focus on the diamond ring on her hand instead as she said "I- I want you to move out, as soon as possible. I'd really appreciate it if you could move out your things tomorrow when I go to work since you do have the key, and please make sure you leave it in the hallway before you head out."

"But Brooke-" he started, completely dumbstruck by her words "You can't just- we're getting married in 2 months!" he said, stupefied "I love you-"

"Blake, you and I both know that this has nothing to do with love. So please, don't make this into something other than a mutual agreement of two grown up people that benefited from this relationship for quite some time, but now it's over," she said glancing at the small ring again and then finally looking up at his pleading eyes "And let's face it, there was a LOT more benefit there for you then for me-" she said pausing "-_honey_."

Blake Raines was a PR in a company managed by his father who owned a rather successful real estate business, not exactly the smartest guy ever but he could be charming every once in a while and she could get lonely. Plus he was photogenic so he looked good in newspaper standing next to her.

He was about to say something, but didn't get a chance because she picked up her pink blackberry as the first notes of Eta James's At last filled the spacey interior of the car.

"Hey tutor girl," she said, her voice sounding raspier than usual as she tried to just breathe and focus on something other than the man she's been living with for the past two months who was currently looking at her as if she'd gone mental.

"Brooke Davis- what an honor it is to hear from you," said a voice on the other side.

"Haha, very funny Hales," she replied, her lip curving into a smile.

"I'm not trying to be funny Davis. I almost gave up all hope of reaching you on the phone or in person."

"I've been busy lately," Brooke finally admitted, ashamed.

"And that Miss Davis is the understatement of the year," Haley said with a loud sigh.

"Yes, well that's the price you have to pay if you want to own all the shoes from Manolo Blahnik spring/summer collection or the latest Hermes bag, in all colors, of course."

"I wouldn't know about that," Haley replied trying to keep the sarcasm at the minimum level.

"Right, and why are you calling me this late in the evening again?"

"I'm getting married," she announced proudly.

"What?" Brooke asked, shocked, her voice raising an octave "You finally divorced hotshot? But I thought you two were finally getting back on track-"

"Brooke-"

"I mean Nate is doing better and he finally got back to basketball and stopped thinking only about himself"

"Brooke-"

"And you said that your sex life is better than e-"

"Brooke!"

"What?!"

"I'm getting married to Nathan."

Brooke was even more confused now "But aren't you two married already?"

"Yes." Haley confirmed with a sigh "But we decided to renew our wows."

"Oh."

"And Jamie's' birthday is coming up soon too so we thought it'd be-"

"That's so nice, in a sickeningly sweet kinda way."

"And that's exactly the kind of response I expected from people, so thank you for that," Haley said with a laugh.

"Any time, tutor mom."

"So, that means you're coming then?"

"What?" Brooke asked, feeling lost yet again.

"To the wedding. You were my maid of honor after all," Haley said "And you haven't seen Jamie since his second birthday."

"That's just low, playing the guilt card is not gonna work with me."

"How about the best friend card?" Haley asked with a laugh.

Her natural reaction was to say no. Sure, she wanted to be there for her friend but going back to Tree Hill was not an option for so many reasons that she didn't know where to even start. She looked back at Blake, thoughts of how wrong, how foreign her own life seemed right now filling her mind, and she realized that going to Tree Hill may be exactly what she needed right now. So she said…

"Alright I'm coming," hoping Haley didn't take her lack of enthusiasm the wrong way.

"Okay, so the wedding is this weekend but I hope to see you on Wednesday night at 8.30 sharp. That's when we're having a little get together at Tric."

"I think I can make it there tomorrow," Brooke said, trying not to panic. How could she leave work, even if it was just for a couple of days?

"That's great, it would be nice to see you earlier, we'll grab lunch or something. Oh, by the way-" Haley said, pausing, as if she was remembering something "Is Blake coming?"

"No, he's busy with work," Brooke answered automatically looking at her now already ex fiancé. She didn't want to explain that they kind of broke up to Haley over the phone. She was too tired to answer her questions right now or to spoil her happiness with her own problems. There would be plenty of time for explaining later.

"Too bad, I was hoping to finally meet him," she could hear her friend say on the other line.

"Maybe some other time."

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow Davis."

"Yeah, I hope so."

Brooke hung up not really sure what just happened yet. She closed her eyes trying to remember what her yoga instructor was explaining at last week's class about slow breathing and relieving stress. But in the end she concluded she didn't remember a thing cause she has spent 80 percent of the class on the phone, business related of course.

Opening her eyes, she knew she had her answer. Picking up her phone she pressed number 1 on her speed dial and waited. After two rings someone answered.

"Brooke, its one o'clock in the morning, I mean can't this-"

"Millicent please, I know it's late but I need you to do something for me."

"And what would that be?"

"Book me a plane ticket for Tree Hill, North Carolina, as soon as possible. Text me with the details after you're done."

"Tree Hill? But Brooke, you have a meeting tomorrow early at nine am, and Ralph Lauren is-"

"Cancel it all. A good friend of mine is renewing her wows this following weekend and-"

"Should I send a gift?" she asked.

"No, Millie I'm going there."

"Oh."

"I'll leave Catherine in charge, and you'll be there to help her out. But if something important comes up you can get me at my number, but only if it's a life or death kind of important, okay?"

"But-"

"Millicent, I'm not asking for your permission here." she said with a stern voice, the one she used only once before when talking to her friend and assistant, that time her collection got a bad review Millie hid from her.

"Okay I'll text you with the details later."

"And Millie- Please pack up Blake's stuff while I'm away and send it to his apartment please," she said and looked at her now already former boyfriend as the car stopped in front of a building on the Upper East Side.

"Brooke-"

"Goodbye Blake," she said opening the door for him to get out.

As she watched him leave she couldn't help but think how handsome he looked in his suit and the shirt half buttoned up, his hair in disarray after a long night. There was a time she'd follow him inside, unable to bare the feeling of loneliness that she was left with in an empty limo. Now she didn't mind being alone, she wasn't such a bad company.

And maybe she wasn't even alone.

With a sigh she leaned on the smooth leather seat of the limousine as the thought occurred to her. She hasn't even asked Haley who else was coming to the wedding. Was Rachel or Mouth coming? Would her bestest friend from high school days be there? Would Lucas?

She didn't know why but she hoped the answer to the last question was no. Because if the fast beating of her heart was any indication, she wasn't sure she could stand if the answer was yes.

Or rather, she wasn't sure her heart could.

-BL-

A/N: So this chapter was pretty Brooke centric but I promise that the other characters will make an appearance in the next one, most importantly Lucas of course. That is if you guys think there should be a next chapter. If not then I'll just leave it the way it is I guess.


	2. Red to black

**Disclaimer: **I don't own One Tree Hill or the lyrics of the amazing song Red to black by Fort minor.

**AN:** First of all, I wanna say thank you to everyone that reviewed and/or put this story to alerts, I really did not expect that kind of response. It made me smile. A lot. And the credit for me grinning at my monitor like a complete idiot goes to you guys so thanks for that :) Okay, so not a lot happens in this chapter but it was sort of necessary so I hope it doesn't suck (much).

**Chapter 2: Red to black**

_He's dying to get away_

_let the pain of yesterday go slipping thru the cracks_

_Hiding himself away_

_watching all the memories fade away_

_from red to black..._

-BL-

In a quick, annoyed gesture he rubbed his tired eyes for the fifteenth time that night, turning on his king sized bed in order to face his only companion on that rainy Sunday evening, a blank screen of his laptop that lay a few inches away from his face. A small squeaking sound of his bed penetrated the quiet surroundings as he moved to make his position more comfortable in order to see the screen better, hoping that this way he'd finally be able to get some job done. But instead he found himself staring absently into that blinking black mouse pointer that seemed to mock his inability to write. It flashed in a steady, even intervals, matching the beating of his heart on a relaxing afternoon.

Actually if he thought about it, it resembled the beat of his heart in general. He really couldn't remember the last time something made it beat faster in that way that left you thinking it would jump out of your chest any second now, or the way it beat when you were at a club dancing, your eyes closed, just feeling the rhythm of the music as your heart started to beat faster and faster until you were completely out of breath.

Actually that was a lie. He could remember when it happened last.

It was on a cold, late evening much like this one when a certain dark haired girl run down the wet, muddy road away from him, upset and determined to walk away as he run after her praying he'd make it in time, his heart beating fast in his chest, a feeling of complete dread coming over him at the thought that this was the end of it all. Their relationship and his life, all at once.

But then he caught up, stopping her from running any further, trying to catch his breath as he struggled to explain it was all one big misunderstanding and breathe at the same time. She listened in silence and he watched as her facial features finally softened slowly and she stepped closer, putting her small hand on his chest, over his heart, and kissing him deeply, leaving him breathless. He could practically feel his heart beating in his ears, faster with every passing second and he wasn't sure if it had anything to do with HCM but he was sure it had a lot to do with hazel eyes that were boring into his bringing forgiveness and hope… hope that they might just make it and that his heart was still safe, with her.

But it was on a dark evening, much like this one when she looked at him telling him it was over, that his heart just stopped fighting, stopped beating in that peculiar way and it stayed like that ever since (with a few brief exceptions). It hasn't been a day since that he hasn't regretted his decision, his complete resignation with everything she threw at him that evening, when she came to see him and tell him it was over, or his lack of response to the words she threw at him just months before that _"I wanted you to fight for me-"_

He hasn't, and now all he could do was try to forget.

With a sigh, he closed his laptop turning it off, knowing he'd be unable to move any further then that blank page and the accusing black pointer. With a swift move he turned the lights off and lied down, closing his eyes, hoping sleep would help him think and maybe move on. The thing was he wasn't sure that he meant on his book.

He didn't want to admit that something that happened years ago still had an effect on him. Numerous good and bad things have happened since then, things that were more serious and significant than a "high school teenage romance'' or so he wanted to believe.

-BL-

It was as if it was coming from the distance, a dull, annoying sound that just wouldn't go away no matter how many pillows he pulled over his head. Giving up he pulled his hand up, rubbing his eyes, in order to chase the sleep away as he realized that the annoying sound from the distance was actually his cell phone ringing in the hallway, still lying in the pocket of his jacket.

Lucas stood up, stumbling over his shoes as he hurried to answer. With an annoyed sigh he pulled it up and pressed the red button, putting the phone to his ear.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," said the cheery voice on the other end.

"Hey, Linds."

"So by the sound of your voice I'd say you woke up 5 minutes ago."

"Actually two, and I have you to thank for that."

"You're welcome, darling. So you were up till what… three?" she questioned "I assume you finally made some progress with that infamous book of yours?"

"I wish," he said with a sigh.

"A chapter at least?" she asked, always the optimist.

"No."

"A page?"

"Nope."

"A line then?" she supplied.

"No."

"Oh, it's worse than I thought then," she sighed dramatically.

"Thank you for your reassurance, helpful as always."

"Of course, that's what I'm here for. Now go get some coffee and then get back to work."

"How about you come and join me for that coffee?" he asked with a smile.

"Sure, I'll be right there, just let me book a flight from NYC to Tree Hill and I'll meet you at the café in about…um, four hours!"

"I'll take that as a no then."

"Yeah, it's definite no."

"So I shouldn't expect that second book coming out any time soon?"

"I think it's safe to say that."

"Well, thank God we broke up before this or I'd have to end it now since you're poor and all."

"I guess so. Glad you can see something positive in that by the way."

"I have my new therapist to thank for that. Maybe you could see her to help you with the book."

"If I spend one more night staring at a blank screen maybe I will," he said honestly. Lately, he has really started to doubt his future as a writer. Thank God for that assistant coach job at UCLA, otherwise he'd really be poor.

"Let me know if you change your mind, I'll give you her number."

"Yeah, I sure will. Talk to you later."

"Sure, call me when you write a page."

"Oh, talk to you in a month then."

"Don't even joke about that Luke."

"I wouldn't dream of it," he retorted before hanging up. In this mess that he called his life he was grateful for the small things like the friendship with his ex-girlfriend who apparently had enough grace to tolerate his sorry ass even after everything he did. If he had been on her place he'd never spoken to him again after all that went down that particular evening. He was never the type of person who enjoyed verbal fights but that night turned from a simple movie and popcorn night into a verbal fighting match that ended with a lot of hurtful words and a slammed door.

With a sigh he threw the cell on the bed and hurried to the shower, hoping that some warm water and a cup of fresh black coffee from the nearest cafe would help clear his head.

-BL-

Later that morning Lucas sat at the booth by the window, a mug of warm coffee between his fingers, eyes focused on some distant unknown spot outside. It was a work day so there was not a lot of passerby's and he found the sight of an almost empty, silent street oddly calming.

It was because of things like this that he came back here, to Tree Hill, even if it was just for a couple of months. There were not a lot of sights like this in L.A., the city that rarely slept. Sure, it has been his home for the last few years but no amount of years spent there could even get it to compare to his real home, this little town in North Carolina.

Lindsey Strauss, his editor and now a good friend, has almost had a heart attack when he announced a couple of months ago that he was taking a break from his job at UCLA and going home for an indefinite period of time. But after the initial shock, she calmed down and let him explain the reasons behind this sudden change of heart. He explained briefly that ever since his last book came out, four months ago, he hadn't written anything (if she didn't count the autographs) and so he decided to go home, trusting that a change of surroundings would help him get some inspiration and find himself.

Because to be completely honest, being surrounded by all those flashing lights and faux celebrities made him lose his focus on things that truly mattered, it made him feel like he was in High school again, getting that spot on the basketball team and trying to fit in with the rest of the team. There were also other reasons that led him to make such decision, circumstances that he didn't want nor had the strength to contemplate then. All he could do was pick up his plane ticket to Tree Hill at the airport and hours later when he came out of the plane it had already became a little easier to breathe.

But recently Lucas started to feel that anxiety and uneasiness creep up on him slowly, a sign that even though he was home it didn't mean all his problems were resolved. Just the opposite. It reminded him of all the things he was trying to run away from when he moved to the West coast.

And a weak ago he finally summoned up enough courage to start considering a trip to New York but his best friend has called him two days before, demanding his presence in Tree Hill this weekend because she was getting married (again) to her husband of more than six years and his baby brother, Nathan Scott. The two have decided to renew their vows on the day of their sons, Jamie's' fifth birthday.

Speaking of his best friend…

"Hello stranger."

The cup from his hand almost ended up on the floor as he turned to face the person that interrupted his thoughts.

"Hales," he greeted the brunette.

"Well, you're awful jumpy this afternoon."

"And you're really loud," he commented "What are you doing here, don't you have classes?"

"I could ask you the same thing mister," she shot back.

"Skillz is working today so I'm free," he announced.

"Isn't that convenient? Unfortunately I don't have that luxury, but I do have a launch break that I decided to use up on you after I saw you staring through that glass like someone had just kicked your puppy. So here I am, hoping to grab some sandwich while I'm listening to you mope. I'm neat like that."

Luke gave her the look before answering "I'm fine, it's just that I woke up an hour ago and didn't have any caffeine yet," he explained pointing at his almost full cup of java "And I don't mope."

"Uhm."

"Don't you hm me. That's the truth."

"Fine, whatever you say broody."

He almost flinched, as he heard the familiar nickname she used. It seemed that these days no matter how hard he tried to escape her he couldn't. He turned back to the window grateful for the waitress that came by at that precise moment making Haley change the subject and order a cup of java and a launch special, giving him just enough time to mask the hurt on his face caused by the words she inadvertently spoke.

"Luke?"

"What?" he asked, looking rather lost at his friend.

"I just asked would you like to order something."

"Just a refill would be fine thanks," he said politely looking at the blonde girl with a big smile on her face.

Haley gave him the '_what the hell is up with you'_ look but he just shrugged avoiding her worried eyes.

"So we're all gathering at Tric tomorrow at 7, don't be late. Everyone is coming, including Brooke," she said quickly. She thought she heard him say something but he didn't repeat his words, playing with his keychain so she continued "And by Brooke I mean Brooke Davis, your ex-girlfriend, a girl you've been pinning for the last I dunno- eight months?"

"Where did you come up with all that nonsense?" he said with a frown.

"I think I know you well enough to know things like that. Besides even a blind man would see that you're miserable," she quipped.

"So much for you being on my side."

"I _am_ on your side. And that's exactly why I'm telling you you can't go on like this."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Uhm."

"Enough with that already!" he said, a little louder than he intended.

"I give up. I'll see you tonight at seven then," she said with a sigh.

"At seven?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, it's at 8.30 but you and I both know it's physically impossible for you to be on time so for my sake let's pretend it's at 7 so there actually may be a chance of you being there by eight," she said quickly, and he couldn't help but smile at how well she knew him sometimes.

"Alright. Seven it is," he said, giving in.

"Great," she agreed, smiling as he turned to the window again. Haley decided there was something to be done about this whole situation. She was sick of the good old brooding routine her best friend seemed so fond of lately.

-BL-

First her flight got delayed for more than two hours. Then they lost her luggage and finally found it after 45 minutes of 'detailed and thorough search'. Yeah right. Than when she came to rent a car there were no available cars left except for a Mercedes SLK cabriolet with a clutch, which she didn't know how to drive at all. If all that wasn't a hint of the trouble ahead she didn't know what was. Maybe a motel she was staying at? It was kind of a dump and apparently the only place with any vacant rooms left in Tree Hill. She didn't know her home town was such a hot vacation spot.

But despite everything she chose not to read too much into all that and be an optimist for a change. After all she was finally home. And if it weren't for bad luck Brooke Davis would have no luck at all.

After managing to maneuver the car into the parking lot pretty successfully (meaning both rearview mirrors were still intact and there were only a handful of visible scratches on the side of the car) and after taking her things from the back seat she walked into the motel lobby with a sigh.

"Welcome home Brooke," she said softly to no one in particular.

It was almost like walking in the dark down a very uneven road, hoping you wouldn't trip. And she knew all too well, once you fall in Tree Hill, you never fully recover.

She just wished she hasn't chosen to wear her four inch peep toed shoes on that particular day.


	3. The eyes that neglected to see

**Disclaimer: **One Tree Hill belongs to Mark and the folks at the CW. Also the song Fall to pieces belongs to Patsy Cline so please don't sue.

**AN: **A big thank you to everyone that reviewed, here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy!

-oo-

**Chapter 3: The eyes that neglected to see**

_I fall to pieces each time someone speaks your name_

_I fall to pieces, time only adds to the flame..._

-BL-

There were two things that came as a given with the money and position she now had that Brooke kind of hated. Her mother was first of course and the hotels she often stayed in was second, depending on a day you asked her (Victoria did have rare outbursts of kindness that put her to the second place every once in a blue moon).

It wasn't that she belonged to that type of people that could only sleep well in their own bed or who hated being away from home for more than a day but somehow after all the time she's spent traveling in these last couple of months she's started to turn into one. She missed her own apartment, her own bedroom. Most of all she missed seeing a familiar face (even if it was just Blake).

But not today.

Because this morning as she was descending down the stairs and into the lobby of yet another unknown motel she was greeted by a friendly smile and a very familiar face. She smiled, walking up to the person standing in front of her and pulling her into a tight hug.

"Brooke, breathing is becoming an issue here."

"Sorry, it's just that I'm really glad to see you," Brooke apologized, stepping back to give her friend some space.

"I figured as much after I started seeing dark spots in front of my eyes from the lack of oxygen," Haley said with a laugh.

"Yeah, blame it on that boxing course I took last year," Brooke said apologizing once again.

"I will. Remind me not to ever visit you again. In person that is. The phone is still safe."

"Yes, but I don't know about the phone bill."

"Oh, don't even go there. And don't mention it in front of Nathan. Ever," she said only half joking "But all joking aside, I barely recognized you Davis. You look even thinner in person. Television really does add ten pounds. Or is it fifteen?" Haley commented, and Brooke felt a little bit guilty for not visiting Tree Hill more often. Her clothing line left her no time to think about anything but work so it was fair to say that she had no time to reflect on how often she saw her childhood friends.

"Well, I've been busy, busy lately- no time for food."

"The story of your life."

"Oh c'mon, you don't look too bad yourself Haley James Scott. I love the shorter darker hair you have going on. And yes I know I'm fabulous but you really shouldn't copy me," she said teasingly, pulling her bangs back in a dramatic fashion.

"I'd never do anything like that. Besides I cut my hair a long time ago, way before you did and you're just being jealous because I look better with short hair than you do," Haley said laughing, imitating her friends earlier move.

"Ha, sure I am," Brooke said sticking her tongue out at Haley.

"That's real mature of you."

"What can I say, being back in Tree Hill brings out the best of me."

"Or maybe it's this stale air of the motel lobby."

"Yes, that must be it."

"Well then maybe we should go before we both start acting like five year olds."

Brooke looked at her ready to say something just as snarky, but in the end decided against it, "Yes, let's go. Which reminds me, where are we going exactly?"

"First we'll make a stop at a book store and then we're going to my place for lunch," Haley explained as they left the motel.

"You're taking a friend you haven't seen in years to a dusty bookstore?" Brooke asked, pretending to sound indignant.

"I think you've mistaken a bookstore with a library. Unlike libraries, bookstores aren't as stale and dusty, I personally know a woman who works there and vacuums the place every morning before they open," Haley replayes "Besides I need to get a book for my class tomorrow, Jamie dropped the copy I had into the pool."

"Well I sure don't wanna stand in the way of your teaching job. Besides I was meaning to grab the new Vogue today anyways so I can get it there I guess."

"Perfect," Haley agreed with a smile.

-BL-

It was not even noon when the girls drove up to the bookstore so they had plenty time to do some shopping and make it home in time for lunch. Plus, the place was no Barnes and Noble, they could practically check out the entire bookstore and get what they needed in less than five minutes.

Haley quickly found her way around the store, passing through rows until she got to the section with the nineteenth century novels. Right next to it was a section with newly published novels and Brooke decided to check them out to keep herself entertained while Haley looked for what she needed.

But before she got a chance to scan any of the titles one of the books cough her eye. She didn't get to pull it out because Haley grabbed it first. It was the only copy left. She quickly red the title as Haley held it up with a smile. The Unkindness of Ravens written by Lucas Scott.

"Wow, I can't believe there's only one of these left. When I was here last week there were almost a dozen of copies lying around," Haley said.

Brooke looked longingly in the direction of the shelves with magazines by the cash register. Why didn't she go there when they came instead of deciding to actually look for a book to read? She didn't have time for such things anyway, she barely managed to find enough free time to get through Vogue and that was practically a required must read material in her line of work.

"It's Luke's book," Haley explained as if she didn't know.

"Yeah I know, you told me about that once," Brooke said as casualy as she possibly could.

"So, have you read it?"

"Um, not really, I didn't have time for it," she said.

"Well, you should, it's great and it's gotten great reviews, for a first time author that is," Haley explained, sounding rather proud of her best friend.

"I'm sure it is," she agreed. And it probably was.

"And he is working on his second book but since he's been busy with the coach gig at UCLA that's gonna have to wait a little."

"Coach?"

"Yeah, he's the assistant coach at UCLA and now during the summer he's helping out Skillz, working as an assistant coach at THH for more than a month now."

"So he's not in L.A. anymore?" she asked, a little alarmed that Lucas was actually here. In Tree Hill.

"No, he came back home awhile ago, putting his job at UCLA on hold, I don't know why exactly," Haley explained "But he seems so much happier now, doing what he loves, being close to his friends."

"Yeah, I'm sure he does," Brooke said quietly, she could relate "I should go get that Vogue or we'll be late for lunch."

"But Brooke-" Haley said with a sigh before she dropped the book in her shopping cart watching Brooke walk away.

Ten minutes later when they were sitting in her car as Brooke was looking through the pages of her Bible, as she so fondly called it, Haley dropped something into her lap.

"What the-" Brooke asked looking down at the book that was resting on her lap.

"You should read it, it's really good," Haley said as Brooke stared at the book in her hand or more specifically at the title, completely perplexed. "Especially the part about a certain red headed girl," she added before maneuvering the black SUV out of the parking lot and onto the street.

-BL-

"Haley, I know you were a book worm in high school but this is a bit much even for you," Brooke complained as she walked into the house carrying a few bags in her hands. "I thought you changed," she all but whined.

"It's just a couple of books and if it was so heavy for you we could've switched," Haley said as she carried a couple of grocery bags.

"No thanks, I don't wanna get any vegetables on my clothes and it's not really that heavy, I'll survive," Brooke retorted.

"Just a few feet left." Haley encouraged her as they walked up to the kitchen counter.

"Yes, we can do this." she said almost cheering them on, as if they were trying to climb Mount Everest and not carry some shopping bags and Haley laughed "Where's Nate anyway?"

"Nathan? Are you home?" Haley called out as she finally lowered her grocery bags on the kitchen counter but no one answered. "He must be outside by the pool." she concluded.

"Pool? You have a pool?" Brooke asked, her whole face lighting up and Haley thought that under all that tough girl exterior there was some of that old cheery, easygoing Brooke left after all "We're so having lunch outside," she added quickly in a manner of a five year old making Haley laugh.

"That is if I get to make one, we're kinda late," Haley added as she sorted out the groceries.

"You can make us an omelet with a side of bacon and I'd be happy if we get to eat by the pool," Brooke said with a grin.

"Well you're easy to please for a big fashion designer."

"Trust me, I'm the only one." Brooke said with a smile.

"That much I figured."

"Well you go make those eggs while I look for Nathan to say hi and see if we can maybe set up the table in the backyard. Where do-"

"Just go straight forward to the living room, there are the doors that lead to our back yard." Haley chipped in, pulling the groceries out of the bags.

"Great, thanks. Is Jamie with him too, I can't wait to see him!" she said, thinking about her favorite (and only) godson.

"No, he's not. He's at friends' house right now. They're _camping_."

"Isn't he a little young for that?" Brooke asked.

"In the back yard of Sarah's house, his friend's mom," Haley explained. It was the closest to camping she'd let Jamie do until he turned ten. Or maybe twelve, she wasn't sure yet.

"Right, I should've known that," Brooke said, laughing at her own foolishness, "Okay, I should go look for that husband of yours."

-BL-

Once upon a time, before Lucas, Mouth, Haley and everyone else came into her life there were only two other people Brooke could really trust. Her bestest friend Peyton of course and surprisingly enough, Nathan. Not many people understood that, seeing them in public or at school since that mostly ended with an argument between the two about Peyton or with Brooke yelling at him for being a reckless bastard who never considered the consequences of his own actions. Yes they fought a lot but only because Brooke always put Peyton first and was sick of him treating her badly and vice versa. But their relationship aside, she understood Nathan and the way he acted. In fact she could relate to it.

She understood that that whole bad boy image was just that – an image and not the real Nathan Scott. Yes, she understood that because she was exactly the same.

And so despite all their disagreements, because of that fact alone they have became and remained good friends throughout the years. Often, as a result of her absentee parents (and his) they'd spend the afternoons by her pool, joking around, getting wasted, having pseudo barbecues or just lying in the sun. That back yard was Brooke's favorite part of her house and it was their little get away place, their little corner of the world where they could share secrets, confess things they'd never tell anyone else. It was there that Brooke confessed to them that she was still a virgin in the ninth grade even though everyone else thought differently and where Peyton admitted she never actually smoked pot and that she thought that anyone who did was just a big showoff. And it was there that Nathan told them his mom had a closer relationship with that tequila bottle than with Dan or her son, often being unable to remember where she left her own clothes in the morning let alone where her son spent his days (or nights).

Most of those days ended with them getting wasted and not remembering half of the things they shared with each other in the morning, but the ones they did remember they never mentioned to anyone again.

And today as Brooke walked by the clear watery surface of the pool bathed in sunlight she wished she was in ninth grade again so she could share this burden that was crushing her with someone. But the image in front of her was so far away from that stubborn, cocky, easy going boy always ready to hear her out and help even if it was just by offering a glass of something with high percentage of alcohol in it. The only thing that hasn't changed was that fake smile on his face that did nothing to fool her. Brushing things off and putting on a smile, saying things were fine when they really weren't was another one of those things they always had in common.

"Planning to go for a swim?" she asked, looking at Nathan who was currently sitting by the pool and staring at it for the good two minutes now without noticing her presence.

Finally he looked up, baffled "No I-"

"I take it Haley hasn't told you I was coming." she said.

"No, she did tell me. But she didn't mention you'd come over today."

"Well then…surprise," she said, spreading her hands in a ta da gesture and he smiled.

"I take it that means it's not a bad surprise."

"Not at all," he retorted.

She walked over to him as he stood up to pull her in a hug. "Wow, you've gotten taller."

"Four inch heels," she explained, gesturing at her black strappy sandals.

"Of course."

"You look good Nate. All things considered."

"Yeah I'm doing great," he said. And there was that smile again.

Brooke shrugged "Shall we sit down?" she asked pointing at the garden chairs and a table placed a few feet away.

"It sure beats walking," he joked as they sat down but it fell flat.

"Oh, I almost forgot about that, Haley told me you're almost fully recovered from the-"

"The key word being almost," Nathan said interrupting her "But its miles away from where we were so I'm not complaining."

"Water?" he offered, taking a bottle that was placed on the table.

"No, I'm not really- you can have it."

He shrugged, pulling the cap off of the bottle and taking a sip, his eyes on the pool. "Remember ninth grade and your infamous pool?"

"How could I forget? Those days we spent more time there then at home or anywhere else in Tree Hill for that matter."

"Yeah, we did," he said with a sigh, "Those were some fun times, minus the hangovers and possible alcohol poisoning on two separate occasions."

"Three. You forgot about you downing that bottle of vodka in half an hour on a dare and almost falling in the pool," Brooke added "You should definitely stick to that," she said pointing at the bottle of Evian.

"Yeah-" he agreed "Wanna know a secret?"

"I can't tell anyone, remember?" she said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Oh yes the 'secret place'," he said with a smile.

"Yup." she agreed.

"Well to be honest I kind of like it this way," he admitted, "After the accident I just gave up on everything, choosing alcohol and TV instead of Haley and there's not a day that passes that I don't regret all the time I lost with her and Jamie because of it. I just spent days feeling sorry for myself and I became this totally different person, a person I didn't like, you know?" he said, playing with Jamie's orange ball.

"Believe me, I know it all too well."

"And I'm just glad I realized that wasn't who I wanted to be before it was too late," he said.

"If only I had your strength," Brooke said more to herself than to him but he heard every word.

"Brooke how can you say that? You're probably the strongest person I know," he said, surprised at her confession.

"No I'm not," she denied, thinking of all the things she settled for because it was easier that way. Old Brooke Davis would be disappointed.

"You just have to be honest with yourself, the rest…it'll just fall in place with time," he said throwing Jamie's small basketball into a plastic basket and watching it as it went through smoothly.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Brooke asked playing with her engagement ring.

"Yeah," he said turning his head to face her.

"I kind of think that I'm still in love with-"

"Nathan." Haley said from across the back yard, holding the plates in her hands "There you two are. The lunch is ready," she announced.

"Let me help you with those," Nathan said walking up to take the plates from her hands.

Brooke quickly wiped away the tear that snuck up down her cheek and smiled "Yes, what can we do?"

"For starters you could go get the glasses, they're on the counter."

"I'm on it."

-BL-

"Are you gonna go pick up Jamie or should I?" Haley asked stretching her hands above her head, her small frame practically sinking into the couch in the living room.

"I'll go, you had a long day, making the lunch, which was amazing by the way. That apple pie was to die for, as usual. But I wouldn't mention it to Jamie when he gets here or we'll never see it again."

"Yes like hiding a cake from him would ever work, but I'll try to save you a piece when he comes," she said and then frowned "God, my back are killing me."

"And why do you have me?" Nathan asked coming behind her back to sit.

"What did I do to deserve this free massage?"

"Besides making a great lunch you mean?" he asked with a laugh, "Well, you married me, gave birth to my son, put up with me for months even though I was a complete self-absorbed asshole."

"Aw, that really is a lot. Maybe you could throw in a foot massage while you're at it."

"Oh, I don't mind."

"God, that feels good," Haley said with a sigh "But seriously, stiff neck aside, I did have a great time. It was nice to catch up."

"And talk to someone older the five," Nate added.

"That too," Haley agreed with a laugh "And what were you and Brooke talking about earlier when I was in the kitchen?"

"Nothing much," he said with a shrug, "But I don't think she's all that happy in New York-" Nathan said, thinking of that smile on her face, it was as if she was trying too hard to show him how great her life was now. But he didn't buy it. Something was off. "And she was about to tell me she was in love with-"

"Lucas!" Haley exclaimed, almost jumping of the couch.

"No," Nathan denied quickly, but when he stopped to think about it he couldn't be entirely sure that wasn't true. "I don't know. She didn't get to finish her sentence. She probably meant that fiancé of hers."

"You don't know that. Besides you haven't seen her today at that bookstore. There's something going on there," Haley said, turning to face him.

"You're probably imagining it."

Haley shook her head "Nope. And if you were there with me this morning you'd say the same thing."

"You're such a hopeless romantic, you know that?" Nathan teased her.

"Just because I want our friends to be as happy as we are it doesn't mean that-"

"They are happy," Nathan stated.

Haley was silent for a moment, contemplating his words "No- no they're not. I know for a fact that Lucas is miserable and you said Brooke-"

"I didn't say anything. Those were just assumptions, nothing more."

"I know Lucas loves her and if only she…"

"How do you know Lucas loves her? They broke up years ago," Nathan asked. "And it was a mutual thing."

"True. But have I ever told you why Lucas and Lindsay broke off their engagement?"

"No."

"Well, I don't wanna be a big gossip girl but I'll just say Brooke was a big part of that."

"She wasn't even there when that happened, Hales," Nathan pointed out.

"She didn't have to be. Physically at least," Haley said and Nathan looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

-TBC-


	4. Passing afternoon

**AN:** I was a little nervous about this chapter but I hope you guys will like it.

**Chapter 4 – Passing afternoon**

_Here is the deepest secret nobody knows_

_(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life_

_which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)_

_and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart_

_i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)_

_- e. e. cummings_

_-BL-_

Walking through the streets of the town she grew up in alone was a new experience for her. No one asked her for an autograph, no one greeted her, no one shouted out her name. No one but the cold, inviting early morning wind.

It was like everything was moving in slow motion here, contrasting that fast pace she was used to by now living in a big city.

She slowly opened her eyes, breathing in, the sight in front of her making her feel she was trully home for the first time since she came to Tree Hill. There, in front of her was an empty basketball court, located just by the river, washed in the sun. It wasn't an unusual sight for her, basketball courts were as common as hot dog stands or cold mornings in New York City. There was one just two blocks from her apartment but she never felt the need or desire to visit it.

But now, standing at one, she was filled with an odd sense of calmness and nostalgia as she remembered all the good (and bad) times spent here. It was places like this one that defined her youth, her growing up much more than her own home did. She had spent more time here, at Karen's café, Peyton's house, Tree Hill High, Nate's beach house then she did with her parents at their house.

Sitting down on the bench Brooke closed her eyes, letting the wind prompt the hair from her face, as she closed her eyes listening to the soft murmur of the water. She was grateful she remembered to wear a jacket because even though it was summer time it was cold out here since the bench she was sitting on was placed quite close to the river.

The familiar surroundings gave her comfort in a way few things could and she opened her sketchpad deciding to use the free time before Tric to work on her designs. Being here, breathing the fresh air filled her with an odd sense of piece that no yoga or Pilates class ever would. It reminded her a little of high school when she often skipped class and came here and just sat thinking, enjoying the view and the way sun warmed her skin.

For a moment she even thought she heard the familiar bouncing of the ball against the pavement of the Rivercourt, but she shook her head, thinking she's gone way too far with this trip down the memory lane. She tried to focus back on her drawings when something hit the lowest bench with a thud. Pulling her notes a little further down her lap, she looked past her black ankle boots as a basketball came into her line of sight, bright orange contrasting with the grey of the pavement it was lying on.

"Excuse me, could you just-" she heard someone say as she looked up to see who the person that interrupted her so rudely was and instantly wished she stayed at her motel that morning.

The man standing across the court looked just as shocked as she was at first, his eyes scanning her from head to toes as if he was trying to determine if she was real or just a figment of his imagination but then his lips turned up into a smile. "Wow, I must be seeing things."

"I could say the same thing about you," she couldn't help but grin, putting down her sketchpad on the bench and standing up. Slowly, she walked up to the abandoned ball and picked it up turning to the blond guy with a smile. Lucas didn't move but instead returned the smile that looked a lot like the familiar smirk he sported a long time ago.

She raised an eyebrow, her eyes focused on the basket and then threw the ball that went in smoothly and she graced him with a satisfied smile.

"And here I though basketball was more my thing," he said picking up the ball easily before it hit the pavement.

"No, losing the ball and missing shots was more your thing," she said with a laugh.

"And that's why I coach a _basketball_ team," he retorted, irony in his words intentional.

She shrugged, as wind ruffled her hair "No, that's why your basketball team sucks, Scott."

"How do you know we suck?" he asked, not even a little bit insulted by her statement. All he could think was, why did she even care about some small high school basketball team anyway? And the answer he got made his heart beat just a little bit faster.

"Oh, I have my connections in Tree Hill," she answered jokingly, dimples showing.

"Haley James Scott I presume?" he said, trying to stay serious but failing miserably.

"Maybe," she said, raising an eyebrow, her lips quirking into a smile while in her mind she was still processing the fact that Lucas Scott was standing in front of her.

Somehow, that seemed even less plausible than her and Victoria spending an afternoon shopping at Bloomingdales. His presence made her feel dizzy, made this afternoon feel even more surreal. A day ago they were a lifetime away and now barely a breath away. She held her breath unable to look away from those piercing blue eyes and right then a lifetime seemed just a touch away.

Her hand trembled but she didn't move.

They were really here. Him and her. In his world.

A world she was no longer a part of.

And that made her heart ache in a way it hasn't in forever. For some reason, one she had yet to fathom, it bothered her she wasn't part of it anymore.

"So Haley called you to come to Tree Hill for the wedding/Jamie's birthday?" he asked bouncing the ball a few times as a distraction from that dazzling smile of hers. He didn't know much about her life since she moved to NYC for collage. Actually the only time he got to see her was when he randomly stumbled on some fashion channel during the commercials when he was watching basketball on TV. More than once he ended up missing the rest of the game and watching her talk passionately about her work. Not that he'd ever tell her that.

"Of course she did. I have to be there. I am the bridesmaid/godmother after all," she said half seriously.

"Tell me about it," he said, the day Haley asked him to be Jamie's godfather still vivid in his mind just like the day Nathan asked him to be his best man. There was never a doubt in his mind that he would say yes, both times. Nathan was his family and Haley was like a sister he didn't have and to say he loved Jamie like he was his own son didn't even begin to describe their relationship. Jamie always said he was his favorite person in the whole wide world. Well, after Brooke. And he couldn't compete with that. Didn't want to actually, because he kind of had a tendency to agree on that one with his nephew.

"It's good to see you Brooke," he said on a more serious note.

"You too Luke," she confessed. And it really was. "Come here," she said with a smile and he moved closer, complying on her request and pulling her into a tight hug. Brooke closed her eyes letting his tall frame shelter her from the cold wind, feeling his warm hands wrap around her small shoulders. A strong scent of his cologne surrounded her, and it was then, in those strong arms that she felt she was truly home.

Lucas wasn't sure how long they remained like that, in a vacuum of time, a special bubble that isolated them from everything, allowing him this one moment of weakness, this anguish of being so close to her and yet so far at the same time. He moved away unwillingly knowing full well that the moment had to pass but wanting it to last just a bit longer, breathing in, realizing he almost forgot to breathe just then "So-" he said letting out a breath "How long are you staying here?"

"I'm probably going back on Monday."

"Just this week then?" he asked, trying to keep emotions out of his voice.

"Yes," she said softly "Wish I could stay longer but you know how it is, work can't be put on hold no matter how much you sometimes want it to."

With a nod he sat on the bench she was previously occupying. She joined him shortly after.

Her eyes scanned the empty court, a few stray leaves that fell from the trees, it's only decoration. It made her wonder what kind of a cruel twist of fate led them both here this afternoon, to a place that once meant something more than it did now, that's for sure. Seeing it now with him as a friend (was he even that?) contrasted with the way she remembered it, paling in comparison, making them sitting here now seem like a bad reenactment of a fairytale gone bad…

_She and Lucas were standing at the edge of the court watching his friends play basketball under a weak light of the old street lamps._

"_This is my world, Brooke." he said with a smile "Or, at least it used to be."_

_She laughed and said with an easy grin "I have been here before, you know?"_

"_I know… I just never told you what this place is to me."_

_She smiled and came a little closer to hear what he had to say because she could tell it was something important, something he didn't share with just about anyone._

"_It's not just a court… it's where I came from, it's where I belong… it's my world."_

"_So do I get to be part of this world?" she asked reaching for his hand._

"_The biggest part."_

_They both looked away at Mouth who was sitting at the bleachers announcing "Ladies and gentlemen, what a treat we have tonight – Rivercourt legend, Lucas Scott. It's been months since Scott's won a full-court game here, so I guess the big question is… will he play tonight?"_

_They looked at each other, his eyes looking for her approval as she nodded and said with a smile "Go get em, boyfriend."_

_He leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips before walking onto the court. Brooke walked up to Mouth and sat next to him, joining her friends as they watched them play, Lucas glancing in her direction every so often, grinning like a fool._

She swallowed hard, the image of the full basketball court fading away in front of her eyes instantly replaced by the reality of the empty court. She wanted to say something, ask him was he wondering the same, was he thinking about that day and the promises he made to her here? Probably not.

They remained sitting in silence as Brooke watched him spin the ball in his hands, elbows leaned on his knees. Lucas looked at the empty court, then at her sketchpad and said with a note of yearning in his voice "You don't have a place like this in NYC."

She wanted to laugh, really, really laugh, like the way you laugh when you're watching some really bad movie or when you hear some completely ridiculous statement like this one was. But she hasn't because as crazy as it sounded his words made her think that maybe he meant to say the same thing she was thinking about for the last five minutes. He just couldn't find the right words to say so but she understood him anyway.

"No, no you don't," she said quietly "Not in New York or anywhere else in the world. I mean sure there are basketball courts, many of them, but it just isn't-" There were no words to describe it. It was a feeling this place evoked in her that no word in English language could explain. It was his hand in hers, a smile, his blue eyes finding hers across the court through the crowd after he scored a basket that night, his soft words paired up with a reassuring smile _'The biggest part…'_

"I know what you mean," he said with a distant expression after a brief silence that was accompanied by nothing but the soft river flow, and she really hoped he did know.

"I really missed this place," she said softly "I missed the people here, my friends, Hales, Nathan, Peyt. I missed-" she started but just then his phone rang and he pulled it out of the pocket to answer not letting her finish what she was meant to say, _I missed you_.

A few minutes later he hung up and stood up from his seat "That was Peyton on the phone. I have to go pick her up at the airport," he explained as she nodded, feeling a lump in her throat that didn't allow any words to come out of her mouth. Besides, she didn't trust herself with saying anything without tears forming in her eyes.

She tried to smile, to forget about that ache in her heart as he added, walking backwards in the direction of his car "But I'll see you tonight at Tric," he said and with that he was gone. But she wasn't surprised.

Sure, they weren't in high school anymore and they may have all grown up, but there was always one constant in Lucas Scott's life. Peyton Sawyer.

And she was too tired and too lost to fight for him too.


	5. Cheers darlin'

**Title**: Life for rent

**Pairing: **Brooke/Lucas with minor NH

**Summary**: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting. BL

**Disclaimer**: I don't own One Tree Hill or the lyrics of a heartbreaking Damien Rice song.

**AN:** I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that reviewed this story and/or put it on alerts/favorites. It really means a lot. So anyway, here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy!

----

**Chapter 5: Cheers darlin'**

_cheers darlin'_

_here's to you and your lover boy_

_cheers darlin'_

_I got years to wait around for you…_

_----BL----  
_

Haley James Scott was a teacher, a wife, a mom but she was also the best friend of Lucas Eugene Scott ever since they were little kids which were quite a number of years. And she knew him well enough to know that ever since he walked into Tric his eyes were looking for only one thing, and that wretched look that registered on his face after he scanned the entire place upside down told her all she needed to know.

He never said a word but she knew that what he needed to put a smile on that handsome face was a certain redheaded girl with bright hazel eyes. So she wasn't surprised one bit that upon entrance of said girl his whole posture seemed to brighten up even though he tried hard to hide it as he stopped dead in his tracks just by the bar.

Brooke was completely oblivious to that change, partially because she hasn't seen him yet but mostly because her eyes were on a tall, dark and handsome guy coming her way. She smiled at him channeling the image of a teenage, party Brooke with a flirtatious smirk on her lips and dark look in her eyes.

That may have been a pretty common scene five years ago but Brooke wasn't the same person she was then. Haley knew her friend and once roomie at least half as good as she knew Lucas and this just didn't seem right. Something was horribly wrong with this picture.

What, she wasn't sure yet.

But as she watched Luke order some drink at the bar averting his eyes from the redhead she was sure only at one thing. Judging by the beginning of it, she had a felling this evening would not turn out the way she initially planned it to.

All she could hope was that it won't end like a certain party she also planned years ago.

----BL----

When she walked into the club she noticed that their favorite hangout place during high school days, Tric, hasn't changed all that much. Some things never did. Like Lucas and Peyton being together or the fact that all eyes were on her the moment she stepped through those front doors of the club. But she was used to all the attention by now. She just wished she felt the same when it came to her best friend and her broody ex boyfriend but sadly she didn't.

As she searched for Haley, a tall, dark haired twenty-something guy winked at her and she smiled back, deciding she would have some fun tonight and not think about depressing stuff, like her love life. Soon she saw Nathan sitting at the booth next to a short haired girl and it took her all of ten seconds to figure out that the girl was actually none other than Haley James Scott.

Haley saw her and stood up to pull her into a tight hug with a smile. After a few seconds the girls stepped away to look at each other better.

"Brooke, you look fabulous. Is that one of your dresses?"

"Yes it is." Brooke said, her voice laced with pride "And not only does it look amazing, it's also free since you know, it's made by a company I own." she added with a smile.

"Talk about the perks of the job."

"I know." she said, dragging the word out a bit as they both laughed.

"The only thing I get free are test sheets and believe me it's not nearly as much fun as that." Haley said pointing at Brooke's dress.

"Yeah, well I'll send you a few of these so you can look just as fabulous, but trust me you look just as good in that one you're currently wearing." Brooke said honestly.

"Hermes, Nate's present for our anniversary two years ago." Haley elaborated.

"Thought so." Brooke said "And I don't wanna sound like a broken record but you do have the best husband ever."

Haley looked at her and then at the said husband that was standing a few feet away, thinking about all they've been through lately, thinking of how fortunate she was they stuck around despite it all "Yeah, I guess I do."

"Seriously, if you don't like him can I borrow him?" Brooke half joked.

"Speaking of Nathan…" Haley said, as she saw him approach.

"Hey you two…" he said, kissing Haley lightly on the lips and then turning to Brooke "Don't I get to hug the big fashion designer?" Nathan asked putting a stop to their little bickering session.

"Sure you do hotshot." Brooke said hugging him.

"It's great to see you here Brooke."

"You too Nate." She retorted "You look great. Thank God you cut your hair by the way. Hales sent me that picture of you two with Jamie for Christmas where you had that longer hair and I almost had a heart attack. Believe me, long hair does not compliment you at all."

Nathan looked at her with feign hurt look on his face. He was about to say something to defend himself but Haley interrupted him.

"I couldn't agree more." Haley said, messing with his short hair.

Nathan pulled her hand away "Oh, that is so not…."

"Are you saying you don't agree with us?" Brooke asked.

"Of course not."

"I know you're Nathan Scott but even Brad Pitt had trouble pulling of the hoodlum look so you really shouldn't feel ashamed for it." Brooke said.

Nate gave her the look.

"Ok, I think we should all sit down before…" Haley started trying to divert the subject to something else but was interrupted by the arrival of Lucas and Mouth.

"Marvin McFadden, it's been a long time." Brooke said greeting her friend who was accompanied by his longtime girlfriend Gigi, with whom he shared an apartment in Tree Hill, where he worked as a journalist for the local newspaper.

"Too long Davis." He said with a smile before he joined the rest of the gang at the table.

Before she knew it she was pulled into a hug by someone, and she lost herself in a strong, familiar scent of the cologne. She recognized it immediately, the urge to pull back and hug him tighter consuming her, the conflicting thoughts creating a mess in her head.

"You look amazing Brooke." She heard him say into her hair, words rolling of his tongue as velvet, his worm breath tickling her neck.

She smiled through the suddenly tears filled eyes, glad he couldn't see her face and said, her voice nothing but a whisper, words loud enough just for him to hear "Thank you."

He smiled pulling away and she quickly moved to her seat next to Mouth, closing her eyes for a second to clear her now blurry vision as Lucas sat across from her, right next to a beaming Bevin who was four months pregnant and Skillz.

Just as the bartender came to take their orders Peyton showed up wearing a knee length green summer dress, apologizing to Haley and Nathan for being late, saying something about her plane being delayed and needing to go home to change before coming here.

Then she turned to Brooke but she was still in some sort of haze and the half of the things Peyton said didn't even register, except how much she apparently missed her. Then she hugged her quickly and all Brooke managed to do was smile at the person she considered her bestest friend in High school. But they've lost contact in their freshman year of college and right now Brooke wasn't so sure that was a bad thing.

Finally Peyton set down next to Lucas (of course) whispering something into his ear and Brooke turned to the bartender ordering a vodka martini. Double.

Lucas eyed her suspiciously and then ordered a beer just like Nathan and Mouth. She decided to ignore his look and turn to her cell phone to read the message she received not a minute ago.

_Brooke, you can't just throw away all that we had like that. After almost a year of dating and four months of living together you decide out of nowhere to break it off without even so much as an explanation. I love you and I know you care about this too. Please give me, give us the second chance. - Blake _

She typed in 'No, it's over between us.' and was just about to press send button when she heard Peyton giggle at some joke Lucas made hitting him playfully on the shoulder. Her fingers worked furiously over the keyboard of her Blackberry as she deleted the previous message and wrote this instead…

_I'll think about it. – Brooke_

Pressing the send button she stared perplexed at the words she wrote a moment ago when the clicking of the glass made her look up. Yes, the change was good but following the good old self destructive path was better.

"So now that we're all here I'd like to propose a toast…" Lucas said raising his drink and looking around the table "To Nathan and Haley and the love that never fades away." He said, looking directly at Brooke and she raised her own glass, feeling her entire body shiver under his piercing gaze.

"To Naley." Peyton said and they all clicked glasses laughing.

"Oh my God!" Bevin said, interrupting the moment, as she pulled Brooke's outstretched hand. "I almost didn't see it." She said, looking shocked. "It's beautiful Brooke."

Lucas averted his eyes from hers, looking a little taken aback as he looked to see what Bevin was talking about and Brooke's smile faded away.

The ring.

She has forgotten to take it off.

Oh well, maybe that was a good thing after all. At least Luke won't look at her pitifully all night while Peyton whispers some silly and possibly dirty things into his ear.

"Oh, it's not that special…" It really wasn't. Blake probably bought it on a discount or something. Actually, knowing him even that was a stretch.

"What are you talking about, it's beautiful." Bevin repeated.

"Yes B Davis it really is. I still can't believe you're engaged." Peyton said, looking at the ring.

"Yeah, well stranger things have happened." she said.

"Like what? Bevin giving birth to our twins last year is nothing compared to this." Skillz commented and everyone nodded in agreement. Except his wife who smacked him on the head.

"Why is this so strange to all of you?" Brooke asked. "I know I said I'll never settle down but by never I really meant till I'm thirty or something."

"It's not that strange, it's just that we always thought…" Bevin started, words coming out of her mouth before she had time to think about it, as usual. Luckily Haley was there to save the matter.

"Yes, we always though you'll merry some older rich guy and divorce him two months later after you take all his cash of course and not some hot young Ashton Kutcher look alike." Haley said with a fake smile, glad she saved the situation in the last moment "But seriously, congratulations once again Brooke." Haley said as Nate congratulated her too.

"Yeah Brooke, congratulations on the engagement." Lucas finally said, as Peyton looked at him questioningly, his face completely blank of any emotion.

"Thank you Luke." She retorted, fake smile plastered on her face. God, she really needed another drink.

"This calls for another toast." Nate finally said, feeling the level of tension rise around the table.

"Yes, I agree." Brooke said "Bartender, another vodka martini please."

When her drink was placed on the table Nathan raised his glass and said, looking at Brooke, as everything Haley told him earlier finally started to make sense, and said "To true love."

Brooke's eyes locked with certain blue ones that were impossible to decipher as she repeated "Yeah, to true love." biting on her lover lip in order to stop herself from laughing.

She spent the rest of the evening dancing and chatting with random guys, avoiding their booth like plague as Luke kept burning holes into her back. She didn't turn around once.

----BL----

Not even an hour and a half later she was pretty drunk, downing her fourth drink (or was it fifth?) when none other than Jake Jagielski himself walked up to their table and she almost chocked on the olive in her martini glass. She hasn't seen him since he left Tree Hill when they were in high school and the last thing she heard about him was from Peyton when she went to visit him in Savannah.

He walked up straight to Peyton kissing her softly on the lips and apologizing for being so late. He was dressed in simple dark jeans and a black button up shirt, his hair a little shorter than usual combined with a day old beard. If she didn't know any better she would've sworn this wasn't the same guy that wore flannel shirts and old black converse back in a day.

Peyton smiled at him "I was just about to tell them that you weren't coming." She said and then turned to Haley "He had this gig tonight and couldn't make it on the flight we previously booked and…"

"But now you're here, so it's all good." Haley said with a smile.

"Yeah." He agreed.

"It's good to see you man." Nathan said.

"You too, Nate." He said and then added. "And everyone else of course." before sitting next to Peyton as Lucas moved a little to make him room.

"So what did I miss?" He asked with a smile as the silence stretched around the table.

"Not much. Brooke got engaged and Nathan almost divorced Hales because she said Brooke's ring was prettier than the one he gave her." Peyton explained quickly.

Nathan glared at her.

"But let's not get back on that one." Haley said.

"Brooke, congratulations, I really didn't know." Jake said shaking her hand across the table.

Neither did I, she thought bitterly but instead muttered a quiet "Thanks."

Bartender came to take Jake's order and Brooke gestured to her own empty glass. "Brooke I really think you had enough of martinis for the evening. Save something for the wedding too." Haley said.

"I'm fine, Hales." She argued, leaning on the Mouths' shoulder as she felt her eyes closing. Okay, maybe that fifth vodka martini was a bit much…

----BL----

An hour after midnight, as the club was slowly becoming more and more vacant, Lucas said goodbye to Peyton and Jake who have decided it was time to head home and then he sat back on his seat looking at his younger brother and his best friend. It was pretty late and the only people left at their table were him and the couple. And of course Brooke.

He glanced at her sleeping form briefly before turning back to Haley, wondering whether or not to order one more drink. But if his night hasn't gotten better by now he doubted a drink would help to turn things around.

The whole evening has gone from bad to worse, proving to be nothing how he imagined it to go earlier that day. And now that it was almost over he only hoped that he'd get home soon, get in his bed and try to get some sleep.

"Luke, we should be going too." Haley finally said "Jamie's alone with the nanny and we said we'd be back by midnight and it's almost one now..."

"Yeah, of course, I was planning on leaving too." he agreed as he let his best friend and brother go after saying a quick "Goodnight."

The couple walked away and he was left alone with the girl he loved. This part he did hope would happen, the two of them alone at Tric. The only difference was that she was awake and much more sober. He doubted they could talk about anything serious, much less them when she had half a bottle of vodka in her system.

Then he remembered he forgot to ask Haley in which hotel was Brooke staying so he could drop her off there. He looked at her, lying there with her hair falling down, looking so small and fragile, a complete opposite of that confident girl that looked at him an hour earlier with all her walls safely up. After some thinking he was left with only one solution to this problem.

With a loud sigh he picked her up gently, her jasmine perfume setting all his senses on alert momentarily as she murmured something incoherently, her breath tickling his neck, before relaxing in his embrace.

----BL----

Twenty minutes or so after leaving Tric he was sitting in his living room looking at her sleeping form on the couch. Her hair was a mess of curls that framed her delicate face. Unlike in high school now she wore only some light make up that made her look even more beautiful than she was five years ago if that was even possible. He always did tell her she didn't need any make up, the way she looked in the morning when she woke up, tangled hair and big hazel eyes, made his heart falter more than anything else could.

He had thrown a warm blanket over her slender frame because even though it was a warm summer night it was still too cold to be sleeping in that short, sparse dress of hers. The only thing that wasn't covered was her left hand, resting on her chest and moving ever so lightly with every breath she took. And yet he couldn't avert his eyes from the small thing glittering on her finger due to the light of the lamp placed not too far from the couch.

Yeah, he had a feeling he wouldn't be able to get any sleep tonight even if he tried. He saw his laptop lying abandoned on the coffee table and decided to give it a shot and maybe try to write something. She stirred lightly as he sat on the smaller sofa across from the couch, facing her but soon her breathing evened out.

Not much later, her phone started to vibrate against the wooden surface of the coffee table and he looked at the name on the screen. Blake.

Her fiancé, he guessed.

He switched the phone to mute before it got a chance to wake her up and spent the rest of the night surrounded by nothing but her soft breathing and the sound of his fingers hitting the keyboard in equally measured intervals.

Sometime around three am despite his best efforts to keep writing, his eyes started to close and his last conscious thought before drifting off to sleep was how it has been a long time since he heard her breathe so close to him.

----BL----

**AN:** Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review ;)


	6. Dreaming in red

**Pairing: **BL with minor NH

**Disclaimer: **Mark owns it, I'm just playing in his sandbox.

**Summary: **Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting. BL

**AN: **Huge thank you to everyone that reviewed, you guys are the best _*stands up and starts singing Larger than life by BSB*_. Just kidding. However I do own a Millennium CD, that the song is from. Sad I know, but in my defense I was young and stupid than and now I'm not (young at least). But that's so not the point. Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy and don't forget to review!

**---**

**Chapter 6: Dreaming in red**

As she woke up, slowly she became aware of the clock ticking in the distance at much faster rate than her heartbeat that was still lulled with sleep. But the more awake she became the more in sync went the clock and her heart. And the drums in her head, thumping louder and louder with each passing second.

She opened her eyes carefully and quickly closed them again, her head feeling as if she's been hit by a very large truck or a bus. Yes it was most definitely a bus. Maybe she should just keep her eyes closed just for now. It hurt less that way.

Leaning back into her pillow she took a deep breath trying to remember what the hell happened last night. And then it all came back to her and she almost jumped of the couch as her eyes snapped open, only increasing her already overwhelming headache.

She looked around the space she was standing in with one eye open not recognizing it. Great, she probably picked up some guy while being totally drunk and went with him home. God she couldn't even remember who it was! Or how he looked. Or what the hell she did since she walked on that dance floor last night, which was just ridiculous.

So she was sure that the entire night must've been some sort of dream or something. Or a nightmare. A horrible kind of nightmare where she lied to Lucas that she was engaged to some guy while he looked at her with those blue eyes that had heartbreak spelled in them. Yes, it must have been a dream. She would never do anything that stupid in real life.

Except that she totally did. And it wasn't a damn dream because Lucas Scott was sleeping on the really uncomfortable looking sofa right in front of her.

Damn it.

As she tiptoed her way around the table, the thought how this was the first time in quite a while that she actually managed to sleep longer than two hours in piece crossed her mind, but she figured it was just because she drank way too much last night. Yes, that must have been it.

----BL----

Her first thought, after walking out of the living room barefoot, shoes in hand, was to leave but soon she remembered she had no car and walking all the way to the hotel in four inch heels and with a mayor headache did not seem all that appealing. So she decided to make some coffee and find some aspirin instead.

A few minor changes aside, the kitchen looked almost exactly the same as it did back when she lived here for that brief couple of months. And apparently the arrangement was the same, she thought, as she pulled out a mug for coffee from the top left cabinet feeling a bit proud that she still remembered that.

Ten minutes later she was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of steaming hot coffee between her small fingers. Her headache was starting to loosen up slowly and the scent of fresh made coffee felt like a balm on the burnt skin to her dulled senses.

Her eyes kept wondering in the direction of the living room, wondering if he was awake yet. A thought about calling a cab and going back to the hotel crossed her mind but that sounded way to much like running away after a one night stand scenario which had nothing to do with their current situation. So she decided to call her best friend instead and ask her if she was up to some breakfast out and if she could give her a ride back to the motel. Obviously they had a lot of catching up to do and she also had some apologizing to do. Her behavior last night was unacceptable to say the least. But knowing Peyton she was sure that the blonde girl would forgive her before she even asks for it and probably add something about there being nothing to forgive.

Dialing the number she glanced in the direction of the living room once more with apprehension. She had a feeling Luke wouldn't be as generous.

"B Davis, could it be?" a voice on the other end startled her, bringing her back to reality.

"I'm afraid so."

"How's the hangover?"

"Good considering the circumstance."

"What was that all about anyways?" Peyton asked.

"It's a long story." Brooke said, too tired to explain yesterdays mess over the phone "Anyway, I was wondering are you busy this morning?"

"Um, not really. Why'd you ask?"

"How do you feel about going for breakfast with your bestest friend?"

"And who would that be?"

Brooke rolled her eyes "P Sawyer don't joke with a hangover person, I could seriously harm you."

"I'm not. That was a serious question."

"Yeah, I haven't been good with that whole keep in touch thingy. But I have a feeling I wasn't the only one."

"Maybe not, but I've been busy."

"And I wasn't?" Brooke asked with a laugh.

"I see your point there." Peyton agreed, pausing "When have we turned into these career obsessed women who don't care about their friends?"

"Um…four years ago, judging by our last phone call." Brooke chipped in "So breakfast?"

"God, has it really been that long?" Peyton asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yep." Brooke confirmed. "I know it's horrible, but can we just get to the food part and not lose another four years on the phone?"

"Sure, where do I meet you?"

"Well, could you pick me up at Luke's house?"

"Luke's?"

"Don't even go there, it's nothing like that."

"Whatever you say B Davis." Peyton said, not believing a word she said.

"And could you bring me some clothes?" she said, looking at her wrinkled dress and only confirming Peyton's initial doubts.

"I'll see what I can do." she retorted, but Brooke could hear laughter in her voice. She could practically imagine the blonde sitting on her bed, biting her lower lip to stop herself from laughing out loud or teasing Brooke by making some really inappropriate comment about what she and Luke did last night that had nothing to do with sleeping.

"Great. Thank you."

"Yeah, I'll see you in an hour."

"Alright P Sawyer."

With that she hung up.

Looking at her empty mug of coffee she sighed. Lucas was obviously still asleep and Peyton wouldn't be here in another hour. She had just enough time for a nice relaxing shower.

Before doing so she made a slight detour to his bedroom to grab something to wear since she didn't exactly bring any clothes with her.

Grabbing the first thing she found she walked out and proceeded to the bathroom, hoping there were some clean towels in that hallway closet, not hearing her phone beep again, signaling the arrival of a new text message.

----BL----

_The night is cold, the kind you only feel on the East Coast, that 'almost melt your bones, make you wish you wore that extra shirt under your jacket' cold. Streets are so crowded it's hard to walk without bumping into random people with unknown faces. He doesn't recognize any of them but somehow he can feel someone is out there, deep, behind the denial, behind the pretense..._

_That's when he sees it. Red. A breath of a heavy breeze moves a strand of her hair away and he sees it. The dress. Eyes blurred with emotion but all he can think of is red. Red dress and he knows. Now he knows... _

Eyelashes fluttered just as he was about to reach for her, his eyes opened, his vision blurry and eyelids still heavy with sleep. In that half awoken state all he could see was red, and then it all came back to him, his vision clearing in a second as he focused on the object in question, her dark red shoes left lying by now empty couch. He instantly became more alert, his mind going a mile a minute, thinking back of his dream and the conclusion he wished he never made because there was one thing true about dreams, they never come true. So what was the point?

God, his head was aching. Badly. And his back and neck weren't that far behind with the aching thing either. He really should avoid sleeping in the uncomfortable small sofas in the future and dream about a woman he lost long ago. And drinking. Not that he did a lot of that last night. But the thing was he didn't usually do even a little of that. So two beers and two glasses of wine were enough to tip the glass for him. And combined with the night spent sleeping in the sitting position it was safe to say that the glass was overflowing with water by now.

God he could really use an aspirin and a glass of water right about now. His mouth felt dry.

There was a bottle of lemon flavored water on the coffee table so he stood up and picked it up, looking at the empty couch in front of him.

_She must've left_, he thought as he took a sip of the water. It was stale and bitter, and not enough to clench his thirst.

He debated whether to go to the bathroom first or to the kitchen as he heard a loud thud somewhere near and the decision was made for him.

----BL----

The sight that awaited him in the kitchen was almost dreamlike.

There, in his kitchen, he was met with a sight of Brooke Davis sitting at the table, playing with the cup in front of her as her hair fell down in waves hiding her face, oblivious to his presence. Dark blue sweatpants hang loosely around her slender hips and she had to fold it up in more than once in order to avoid tripping.

His grey hoodie complimented her body better than any tight top ever could, or so Lucas thought as he made his presence known by walking further into the room. He could almost feel the warmth of the fireplace on his face, the weight of her body pressed against his as he remembered the last time he saw her wearing the same thing.

"Morning Brooke. Are you okay, I thought I heard…"

"Um…I kinda dropped your hair dryer but its fine, still in one piece and functioning. So it's all good. And good morning to you too." She said with a smile, and then added "I took the liberty of using your shower. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not." He said, looking around for something.

"There's coffee on the counter." she pointed out.

"Thanks." he said, grateful for the help before walking over to fill his cup "And I see you found some clothes too."

Brooke looked at him, blushing a little "Yeah, I figured it would be more comfortable that way."

"I don't mind." He said, holding up his cup of coffee between his fingers to take a sip.

"I can't believe you kept this hoodie, it's like fifty years old." she said, pulling at the shirt to straighten it out "And it's not like you can't afford a new one."

"It's closer to ten then fifty, and I do have other ones that are actually less ancient." he assured her "I just didn't have the heart to throw that one out."

"Aw, how very sentimental of you." she joked, realizing all too late that laughing wasn't something she should be doing hangover. She closed her eyes for a moment as Lucas looked at her, his expression changing from annoyance to worry in a matter of seconds.

"Are you alright?" he asked, fighting the urge to kneel beside her and check up on her a little better.

She looked up at him, reassuring him "I'm okay but I think it's safe to say that my alcohol tolerance has decreased significantly since high school days."

"There's some aspirin in…"

"…top left cabinet." She finished for him "I know."

"Right." He said awkwardly.

"Thanks for saving me last night." She said, the words from long ago echoing in her head, an image of the two of them laying on his bed, his hand in hers. He promised her then that he'd save her from everything.

"Yeah, it's not a big deal."

"It is. So thank you. Anyway, I won't be bothering you much longer, Peyton is coming to pick me up so I'll be leaving soon." She said promptly.

"You make it sound like you're some kind a burden Brooke when you're anything but. It's kinda nice to have company here. Ever since mom moved away with Andy it's been a bit…"

She knew what he meant all too well. "Yeah, I'm sure it has. I mean I have this huge apartment in NYC and don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm complaining. It's great to have your own place but it can get a little…"

"Yeah." He agreed, his eyes locking with hers.

Her heart started to beat faster and with all the determination she possessed she finally looked away, down at the table seeing that her phone was lit up. Quickly she picked it up and read that there was 1 new text massage. She opened it, reading its contents, thankful for the distraction.

Then the doorbell rang.

"That must be Peyton, I should go." She said already standing up.

He let her go and open the door as he picked up their empty mugs to put them in the sink. It was then that he noticed she has left her phone on the table. He picked it up and saw that there was a massage opened on the screen. It was right there in front of him, big letters on a flashing white screen, making it impossible not to see, not to read it.

_Thx for giving us the second chance. I know we can work this out. Call me when you wake up. I love you. - Blake _

It was then that Brooke walked into the room carrying some bag "I have to go change. Peyton brought me some decent clothes." She explained "Oh, and she's waiting at the door, I'll be right back."

He just nodded, an automatic reaction more than a real response to her explanation, as she disappeared into his bedroom. He kept staring at that damn message as if there was a possibility that if he stared at it long enough it would somehow disappear.

Not even two minutes later she walked out in jeans and a black top, her hair pulled into a high ponytail. Over her top she quickly put on his hoodie. "Can I borrow this since its kinda cold outside and Peyt forgot to bring me a jacket."

"Yeah, sure."

"Thanks. So I have to hurry." She said, kissing him lightly on the cheek before hurrying towards the front door.

It was then that he realized he got so distracted by her gesture that he actually forgot to give her back the phone. With a sigh he hurried to the door.

"Brooke…"

"What?" she turned just as she was at his front doorstep, Peyton standing a few feet away on the porch, her hair looking almost crimson in the morning sun.

"Hi Luke." Peyton greeted him and he nodded, but his eyes were still on Brooke.

"You forgot your phone." He said giving it to her.

She glanced at the small device and then back at his face, a mixture of guilt and regret in her eyes "Thanks." she said before turning away.

"Hey Luke?"

"Thank you for saving me last night." she said before adding "You're a great friend."

He looked up, her last words echoing in his mind. Short. To the point. Final. "Brooke that wasn't wha…"

"No, it was." she said quietly before closing the door behind her.

He remained at his spot trying hard to quiet that voice in his head that told him she hasn't just closed those doors on him but also on every possibility of them being anything more than friends.

And with a click of the door, there was no more red in sight. All that was left was black.

----BL----


	7. Illusion of progress

**Pairing: **Brooke/Lucas with minor NH

**Summary**: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting. BL

**Disclaimer**: I don't own One Tree Hill. Shocker, huh?

**AN: **Due to some exams I have coming up next week I won't be able to post so I decided to leave you guys with this extra long chapter, I hope you like it! Also, a big thank you to Sliver for giving this a quick look, you're the best.

**----  
**

**Chapter 7 – The illusion of progress**

Coffee. One of her favorite morning rituals when she was younger, a reminder of those first minutes in the day when she got to sit down and savor the taste and the flavor, let her senses be consumed by the enchanting scent of fresh brewed beans. But now, when she was used to picking up a quick to go cup at Starbucks, coffee has became just another in the line of things, another reminder of all the things she took for granted.

So, today she decided to change that and actually take a moment to enjoy her caramel cappuccino with no added sugar. After all, the road to the life you want and the person you want to be is long and it starts with small steps.

And in the end, the simple things in life are the ones you enjoy the most, the ones that put the smile on your face. A complication in its simplicity.

"God, it's nice to be home. No annoying clients…No Starbucks…No traffic jams…No demanding moms…" Brooke said, glancing at the half empty street and then at her best friend.

"Victoria?" Peyton offered.

Brooke just nodded and then said "Don't even get me started on that one."

"That bad huh?"

"Worse." The redhead said laughing. "Lately we've been clashing over everything, it's getting a little ridiculous. This little mini vacation couldn't have come at the better time."

"So much for the glamorous NYC life." Peyton said with a smile.

"Let's just say that Victoria has a way of sucking the fun out of everything. My love life included." She said, lowering her eyes on her left hand.

"Ah yes, the mysterious fiancé." Peyton said with a sigh "What was his name, Brian something…"

"Blake." Brooke filled in for her.

"Blake, right… What did mommy dearest do now?" Peyton asked, looking up with a frown "Did she have something to do with him not coming here with you?"

"No…" Brooke denied.

"Or did she plot some evil plan to separate you two because he isn't good enough for her only daughter?"

"Nothing like that. She actually paired us up."

Peyton looked completely shocked by Brooke's words. Was it actually possible that Victoria did a courteous thing for once? She highly doubted it, but maybe that was just her sarcastic side doing all the thinking.

"You mean she introduced you two?"

"Sadly no. She came to me saying something about how me being single is not good for the company because it sends the wrong message to the buyers and how it would help improve my image if I had a nice, good looking guy by my side. And then she introduced me to Blake."

"Oh."

"That's pretty much how I reacted when she said all that in one breath." Brooke said with a laugh. "It was kind of impressive."

"I knew Victoria Davis couldn't actually do the right thing even if her life depended on it." Peyton commented.

"Not unless she benefits from it of course."

Peyton laughed, trying to make her best Victoria Davis impression as she pulled her hair back with a swift move of her hand "Of course."

"But how did she get you to agree to that ridiculous proposal?"

"We went to dinner, Blake and I, and it was kinda nice. I figured he was a decent guy and I was lonely and six months later we moved in together." Brooke explained before taking a sip of her coffee.

"Then why do I have a feeling it's not that simple?"

"It never is." Brooke said, her smile fading away.

"Maybe not at the beginning but when you get there… you realize it was all worth it." Peyton said.

"Jake?"

"It wasn't easy either but I don't really regret any of the mistakes I made on the way. Because if it wasn't for all that I'd never be where I am today." Peyton said with a smile. "God, that sounded kinda cheesy, didn't it?"

"Just a tad bit." Brooke retorted with a smile "But seriously, you and Jake have one advantage Blake and I don't."

"What's that?" she asked, curious.

"You love each other." Brooke said simply.

Peyton looked at her friend, unsure of what to say to that. Relationships weren't perfect, she knew it better than anyone, there were a lot of bumps and curves on that road. But Brooke was right, there was only one thing that could make you stick through them all, and that was love. She's learned that the hard way.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Peyton said with a sigh "Like halfway through my freshman year in college, when Luke and I were still together I just got this feeling that something wasn't right and it just didn't want to go away." she said, pausing "I mean he's a great guy, one of the best I know so I couldn't figure out why it didn't seem to work. At first I thought it was the distance, him being in LA and all but then I finally realized… I didn't love him that way anymore. It wasn't the same as before."

Brooke just listened, letting her friend tell the story.

"I mean we weren't the same people anymore, he wasn't the same guy I fell in love with when we were sixteen and I wasn't the same girl. I still loved the guy I met when he came to tow my car, in the grey hoodie and a ruffled dirty blonde hair." She said, reminiscing.

"Few days later he called me saying everything I've been thinking for weeks but was too afraid to say out loud and we decided it was time to call it quits. A month later Jake came to the record label I was interning at and here I am now…"

"Yeah…" Brooke shrugged, a little angry at herself for acting like a bitch at Tric the day before. She wasn't even sure why she played a part of a jealous girlfriend when she saw Peyton and Lucas together. Or maybe she did know but didn't want to admit it. "The problem is I never loved Blake. It was more of a convenience then romance thing. It just took me some time to realize that, it's all."

"But aren't you two engaged now?" Peyton asked.

"He asked and I said no. Last night…was just one big misunderstanding that ended badly and to top it off I told Blake I'll think about giving us a chance."

"Well maybe you should. Think about it I mean. You owe it to yourself after what…six months of being with him?"

"Almost a year actually." Brooke corrected her "And that's exactly what he said too. But I don't think that…"

"Peyton Sawyer and Brooke Davis gossiping together...It's been awhile since I had the honor to be present for that. I'm just hoping I wasn't the topic of that conversation." The dark haired girl finished as she joined them at the table.

"Hales, what are you doing here?" Peyton said, surprised, before standing up and hugging her.

"I was on my way to Luke's but then I saw you two sitting here so…"

"But why did you come right now when we were talking about you!" Brooke whined. "And just for the record I didn't say that your hair looks dull with that darker color. That was all Peyton." She added as Haley gave her the death stare.

"She's joking, I didn't say your hair looked dull, I said it was a little blunt." Peyton joked.

"Well at least I'm interesting enough to be the subject of gossip of the hottest young designer of the year and the owner of most successful new record label. So you talking about me is kind of a compliment. So thank you for that." Haley said, barely managing to stay serious.

"You're welcome, tutor mom." Brooke said, going along with it.

Peyton's phone vibrated and she pulled it out from her handbag to check who it was as Brooke and Haley chatted.

"I have to go, that was Jake and he wants to meet up for lunch. So I guess we'll finish up that conversation later B Davis." Peyton said, interrupting the two.

"Definitely P Sawyer. But what about my ride to the hotel?" Brooke asked.

Haley spoke up before Peyton got a chance to answer "I'll give you a ride, don't worry."

"Then we're all settled. I'll see you later Hales."

Haley nodded as Peyton maneuvered her way between tables and towards the exit leaving the two girls to talk.

"I feel like a kid of divorced parents that's being dragged from one parent to another." Brooke commented with a sigh.

"I already have one kid and believe me I don't want another one any time soon. Jamie is more than enough."

"That bad, huh?"

"No, he's great but ever since he turned five all of a sudden he has these million different questions to ask that I don't know how to answer and it gets tiring sometimes. I just wish I had more free time for myself and for Nathan. Sure, I see him every day but he's always involved with Jamie or basketball and I can't remember the last time we spent a day together alone."

"Ah, the joys of motherhood." Brooke said with a smile "But really, alone couple time is overrated anyways."

"Easy for you to say. You live alone with your incredibly hot fiancé in a beautiful apartment."

"Believe me, it's not as great as it sounds." She said with a sigh as Haley looked at her obviously not believing a word of what she was saying. "It can get lonely sometimes."

"Well, from what I saw, that apartment is pretty big so that really isn't surprising."

"I don't think the size of my place has much to do with that." Brooke said, her smile fading away. And that was a confirmation enough to Haley that things with Blake weren't as great as everyone seemed to believe.

"Speaking of houses, I have to make a quick stop to Luke's before I drive you back to the hotel if you don't mind."

"As long as you keep it short." She said, taping her fingers nervously on the table. Haley noticed the gesture but didn't comment on it.

"Why? You guys in a fight or something?"

"No, nothing like that." She said nonchalantly "I just want to get back to my room, take a shower and get some sleep ASAP."

"Where are you staying anyway? It's not like Tree Hill has any good hotels."

"At Independence motel." Brooke retorted.

"A motel?" Haley asked, shocked "Actually, now that I think of it I'm not sure there is a hotel in Tree Hill. Except for Hotel Central but I think that one closed last year."

"Yeah, this one is not that great either but it'll do. See the things I do for one of my best friends?"

"Yes, I'm touched by your incredible sacrifice. Ready to go?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." Brooke retorted with a sigh as they stood up and left the cafe.

----BL----

Haley looked at Brooke, a little perplexed by her sudden change of mood as she knocked on her best friends' door. Just ten minutes ago as the two girls were driving in the car, Brooke told her about her life in NYC and commented on random songs that came up on the radio and they laughed probably ninety percent of their ride. When Haley told her a story about Jamie's little 'incident', as she and Nate called it, when he was in kindergarten Brooke laughed so hard Haley was sure they would need to pull over before they caused some accident, giving a new meaning to the phrase dying of laughter.

Needles to say, it was good to have her friend here in Tree Hill. It reminded her on all the good times they had at their apartment in high school and how easy life seemed back then. She definitely did laugh more. Now, it took more effort to smile after a full day of work and taking care of Jamie.

But as she parked the car in Luke's driveway she saw Brooke glance in the direction of his house with dread, smile fading away from her lips. Haley chose not to read too much into that, thinking she was just imagining things as usual.

After knocking on his door for quite a few times Haley was ready to give up and come by later when Lucas finally opened the door.

"Took you long enough."

"I was busy." Luke replied shortly.

"With what?" Haley asked glancing around his kitchen and then looking at the open door of his bedroom "Are you having company?"

Luke looked at her, puzzled as it took him a few seconds to realize what she was implying with that question. "No…no, it's just me. I was just talking to my editor on the phone so I couldn't answer the door."

"How is Lindsay by the way?"

"She's fine."

"So you guys talk a lot?"

"She is my editor Hales." Luke pointed out, a little annoyed by her question.

Brooke gave her a questioning look as Haley turned to explain. "Lindsay and Luke dated for almost a year in college. They were practically engaged."

Brooke was about to say something but was interrupted by Luke.

"How many times do I have to repeat to you that we were not engaged? And what's so weird about the two of us talking, you don't believe that the two people that used to date can be friends?" he asked, his eyes landing on Brooke.

"Not if they still have feelings for each other." Haley said.

"That's definitely not the case with us, trust me." he assured her with a laugh "Lindsay is a great girl but I don't care about her in that way and she definitely doesn't have any feelings for me since she is engaged to Ryan." he said quickly. What's up with all his exes being engaged or married anyways? Guess it's true what they say, karma is a bitch.

"Fine, its' just that I find it weird, being friends with someone you used to love…" Haley said.

"Well it's not." he countered and pointed at the girl standing beside her "Brooke and I are friends."

"Yes, it's not weird at all." Brooke commented. Really, if her fashion career ever flunks she can always turn to acting.

Haley shrugged, thinking how in denial they both were.

"Weren't you just here with Peyton?" Luke asked.

"Yes, speaking of that…" Haley started "Peyt had some errands to run so I offered to drive Brooke back to her hotel. But before that I have something to ask you." She explained "A little favor for your best friend in the whole wide world." she said with those pleading brown eyes and Luke knew it couldn't be anything good.

"What is it Hales?"

"You know about that charity basketball game that's supposed to happen tonight?"

"Haley, there is no game. North Carolina Tar Heels were supposed to play against the Ravens but they canceled at the last minute."

"Yeah, I know. But I talked to Whitey and he came up with this idea about you guys filling in for them since you're all in town anyways. You know, you, Jake, Nathan, Skillz…old Ravens team against the new one…it would be a blast. Plus it's for a good cause." She said, putting on her best pretty please smile once again.

"This is what I get for helping out Whitey and Skillz with the team. How did you even persuade him into this?"

"I have my ways, besides you have to admit it's a cool idea. Even your team thinks so. I mean not really your team, but technically you are their assistant coach… " Haley rambled.

"Of course they do, and if we lose, which we will, I'm never gonna hear the end of it." he said with a sigh.

"They promised not to make any jokes on the account of their favorite part time assistant couch." Haley supplied, ever so helpful. "God, that's one long title you got there."

"Of all the crazy ideas you had Hales, this one definitely takes the cake. I haven't played basketball in years…and with the HCM, I don't…"

"I knew you'd say that so I was thinking you could play just one halftime or however that goes with basketball. And have I mentioned it was for charity?"

Brooke's phone rang stopping Haley's rambling and she looked up at the caller ID that said Victoria. She's been calling all morning probably to yell at her only daughter and as much as Brooke would like to keep on ignoring her she had to answer it eventually. Now was as good time as any. And it gave her a proper excuse to leave this room.

"I'm gonna take this outside." She said, gesturing at the phone as Lukas nodded. Quickly she walked out of the room and out the door pressing the answer button on her phone.

"Hello."

"Brooke Penelope Davis!" the voice on the other side almost shrieked "Where the hell are you?"

"In Tree Hill. Hasn't Millie told you that?" Brooke answered calmly.

"Don't get smart with me, young girl." she said and Brooke was grateful she was miles away from New York, safe from the wrath of Victoria Davis.

"I'm not."

"And please tell me you already booked a flight back to NYC."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you have a job to manage here."

"Mom, I'm on a vacation meaning I don't work this week. I know it's a foreign word to you but seeing how tense you sound I think you could use one too."

"Brooke, if you had some sort of mental breakdown I will be more than happy to find you a good shrink. It's much cheaper and more time efficient then you flying two thousand miles from NYC."

"Mom, I'm not coming back." she snapped.

"But you have a fashion show coming up…"

"In four months!" It was Brooke's turn to sound upset.

"And Ralph Lauren is…"

"I already told Millie to take care of that."

"You can't just leave the entire corporation unattended for an entire week!"

"I'm not leaving it unattended. Caroline is there to fill in for me and if something comes up she promised to call me." Brooke explained.

"Don't think you'll get away with this so easily." Victoria said, sounding less then pleased with her explanation.

"I'm not getting away with anything mother." Brooke said, matching her tone, proud of herself for managing to stay calm about this. After all, she had years of practice with her mother's outbursts of anger so this was nothing new.

Instead of a goodbye she was left with a sound of a hung up phone and monotone dial tone.

----BL----

"Brooke and I will be there to cheer you on." Brooke heard Haley say as she got back in the house.

"What?"

"Brooke, you're back." Haley said.

"Yes I am. What kind of cheering were you talking about?"

"Um…there's a charity basketball game tonight between the old Raven's team and…"

"Haley, I already told you…" Lucas tried to step in but when Haley set her mind on something she couldn't be bothered.

"Between the old Ravens team and the current one." Haley continued, not letting Luke distract her "And I was just persuading Luke to play since Jake, Skillz and Nathan already agreed on it."

"And what does that have to do with me?" Brooke asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Well, since we have the old team maybe we could also have the old cheerleading…"

"Haley, before you finish that thought I'll just tell you that there's no way I'm wearing my cheerleading outfit."

"C'mon B Davis, it'll be fun!" Haley said sounding way to enthusiastic about this for Brooke's taste.

"Oh, that's a good argument." Brooke said, sarcasm dripping on her every word "There is no way in hell you'll ever see me in that blue skirt again. I'm a grown up woman now, you can't possibly expect me to wear some high school uniform I wore five years ago!"

Lucas gave her a sympathetic look as Haley smiled, deaf to her excuses.

"I'm not wearing it and that's final."

----BL----

_That same evening…_

"Brooke you look awesome." Haley said, looking at Brooke who was currently sporting a short dark blue skirt with a matching top.

"No I don't. I look like a hypo. The only way this could be more awful would be if Victoria was in that audience."

"That's not…"

"I'm wearing sneakers for God's sake. _Sneakers_ Hales." Brooke repeated, hoping her friend would finally hear her out.

"So? Don't you go to the gym or yoga in NYC?"

"I do but I don't wear twenty dollar sneakers that some 15 year old girl wore at her cheerleading practice. I smell like sweat and spoiled yogurt." she said with a dramatic sigh. She knew she was behaving like a spoiled diva but being here just brought out all her insecurities to life and wearing a small skirt didn't help either.

"You're being ridiculous."

"I can't believe I agreed to this! I'm not the same girl I was in high school, Haley."

"And that's exactly why you agreed to this B Davis. You're not the same bitch you were then but a great girl or should I say woman who cares about her friends enough to do them a little favour."

"Damn my..."

"Okay, I have been attending those alcoholic anonymous meetings pretty regularly for the last two years so I can't possibly be drunk. But it's either that or I'm in some twilight zone. Whatever it is it's not good. And B Davis that outfit does not look flattering on you. In fact it doesn't look flattering on anyone older then sixteen."

"Bitch." Brooke said turning to see the girl standing a few feet away, leaning on one of the lockers.

"Slut."

"What are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from making the biggest fashion mistake of your life. And that's saying something when I remember all the ridiculous fashion related disasters you were involved in during High school."

"And how do you plan on doing that?"

"By joining you of course." Rachel said, taking of her long beige coat to reveal the matching cheerleading outfit. "Welcome back to 2006 Davis."

"That soo wasn't my year." Brooke said with a sigh. "But I'm glad you're here. Although right now, I'm kinda jealous on you."

"Don't be. Being a model sucks. I can't remember the last time I ate anything that wasn't some stupid fruit or low fat whatever."

"Yes, it's real hard to look like that."

"Weren't you listening what I said just now? I haven't had a cake since 1999."

"That is such a lie. We ate a crème brulle after you wore my show at fall/winter New York fashion week last year. And if I remember correctly you ate two."

"Okay maybe I'm overreacting just a bit. But it's not my fault I have a fast metabolism. And you don't look that fat in that."

"Thank you, that means a lot. I feel so much better now." Brooke said sarcastically.

"Oh c'mon I was just kidding Davis. You don't look any different then you did in high school. Well, minus the hair and all the money you have now."

"Much better."

"Alright now, let's get out there and have some fun."

"Twilight zone, here we come."

And just as two girls were about to go and face the real world Haley walked in almost colliding with Brooke.

"We were just about to go out there Haley, no need for any intervention."

"Of course there is a need for intervention. A big one." Haley said.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this." she said pointing at their outfits "I mean there is no freaking way I'm going out in public wearing a tiny little skirt."

"Hey, talk for yourself. It's not my fault you don't have a body of a model." Rachel said.

"Rachel." Brooke warned, a little tired of this senseless argument.

"No Brooke, I hate to say this but she's right. I mean what was I thinking? I'm not a model. I'm a mom of a five year old." Haley said. "I am not sixteen anymore. And cellulite aside, I'm kinda happy about that."

Brooke laughed at her words.

"That's okay tutor mom. We'll let it slide as a moment of temporary insanity. Everyone has them, just be glad yours didn't end up with dancing on a table at Hyde club." Brooke said, putting her hands around her friends' shoulders.

"What?" Haley asked, confused.

"Never mind, let's just get changed. And fast. Cause we are so gonna be late."

"I'm fine with that as long as the only cheering we do tonight is the one from the bleachers. While we're sitting down, of course."

"It would only be fair that after donating twelve thousand dollars to the charity I'd at least get to sit down for those 90 minutes."

"It's 48 minutes Brooke." Haley corrected her.

"Whatever."

After ten minutes the three girls finally walked out of the locker room and to a place they spent a lot of time at, back in the day.

Haley immediately went to check up on her husband and Jamie before the game starts as Rachel and Brooke took the time to take in their surroundings.

With all the panicking and fussing Brooke didn't even have time to see the place before this moment so her first encounter with Tree Hill High gym after all these years just had to happen when there was hundreds of teenagers there hoping to see their favorite team play. Even if it was for just a moment she could come back to that time, when things were simple.

But then she bumped into a person that reminded her that it really never was simple for her. Not even when she was seventeen.

"Lucas hey."

"Brooke…" he acknowledged and then turned to the red head beside her "Rachel what are you doing here?"

"Visiting my old friends, what else?"

"Really…and where are they?"

"Why Lucas Scott, you sound bitter. Jealousy does not suit you. Just because I'm the only girl in Tree Hill you couldn't have it doesn't mean we can't be friends." Rachel said with a smirk on her red lips.

"Um, you'll have to excuse her, she's still a little jetlag." Brooke said with an apologetic smile as she grabbed Rachel by the arm and moved her pass Lucas.

"No, you'll have to excuse me." he said. "This whole game is making me a little… It's all Haley's fault."

"I couldn't agree more."

"Anyway, I should…" he said pointing towards the door.

"Yeah, don't let us stop you."

"I'll see you when the game starts." he said "By the way, you look great."

"Um, thanks." Brooke said raising her hand in a cheer "Go Ravens!"

Rachel rolled her eyes as Lucas turned and went to the boys locker room.

"Argh, I'm such an idiot." Brooke said with a sigh.

"What's with all that sexual tension between you two?"

"What sexual tension?"

"Oh, are you seriously saying you didn't…" Rachel started but was interrupted.

"There was no sexual tension. I don't know what you're talking about. If there was any awkwardness there it was because of your inappropriate comments."

"I was just trying to make small talk with an old friend." Rachel said with her most incessant face.

"Well maybe you shouldn't do that anymore."

"Alright, next time I'll just stand there and look pretty while you two have eye sex."

"There was no eye…" she stopped herself from finishing that sentence when she saw Jamie by the bleachers standing next to Nathan. He spotted them soon after and ran in their direction, wearing the same dark blue Ravens jersey as Nate, only smaller.

"Aunt Brooke."

"James Lucas Scott, is that you?"

"Uhm."

"Wow, you've gotten taller since the last time I saw you."

"Yes, daddy says that in a few years I'll be just like him. And then I'll play basketball here with the Ravens."

"Of course you will." she said picking up the small boy.

"And who's this?" he asked, pointing at Rachel.

"That's my friend Rachel."

"Oh, it's nice to meet you. I'm Jamie."

"Yeah, I kinda knew that. You're real famous around here kido."

"I am?"

"Yep."

"But not like my dad. He played basketball in the NBA."

"Well you're still young. But when you grow up I'm sure you'll be even better than your dad."

"That's what my uncle Skillz says too."

"That's because it's true. I'm sure you can shoot free throws better then Nate."

"I can on the basket we have at home. But that's easy, everyone can do that."

"Not me, I suck at free throws."

"You can come to my house and I'll teach you."

"Well, aren't you a real ladies man." Rachel said with a laugh.

"Rachel?"

"What? He is. I mean the boy is what, five or something and he can already sweet talk a girl into coming to his house." she said in a lower voice so Jamie can't hear her.

"Jamie go help out your dad, me and Rachel need to talk." she said letting the boy go.

"That was so not cool."

"Whatever you say B Davis. Here comes your lover boy." she said as Lucas came back, joining the team by the bleachers and Brooke blushed, hoping Lucas didn't hear what Rachel said.

"He is not my…" she started, getting annoyed by her friends comments. But then Lucas looked up at her as he was tying his shoe laces and she found herself at the loss of words.

"Oh boy."

"What did you say about the eye sex, again?" Rachel asked with a laugh, picking up her pompons as someone yelled that the game is starting in five minutes.

----BL----

**AN:** So what did you guys think? Good? Bad? Too long? Too short?


	8. The space they can't touch

**Pairing: **BL with minor NH (BH, BP & BR friendship)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own OTH, some guy Mark does. But I hear he's not making BL go through as nearly as much angst and trouble as I am so I guess that's a good thing then.

**AN:** Finally, here is another chapter of Life for rent. And please don't forget to leave me a review because I really love to hear what you guys think!

-----

**Chapter 8: The space they can't touch**

"_And sometimes I just wish you could rescue me…" _

"_From what?"_

"_From all of it."_

"_Okay then…I will…but if you promise to rescue me back." _

"_I promise…" - Lucas and Brooke OTH 3x17_

----

_whenever your will starts crashing down  
that's when you'll find me. _

----BL----

The game was well into its second quarter and the old Ravens team was losing. The current Ravens team lead by Quentin was kicking their ass and Luke has joined them in to try and change the numbers that were highlighted on the black score board right now even though he didn't plan on playing until the final quarter. He may be reckless with his next book but he didn't like taking the same risk with his health. Not anymore.

Brooke was never a big fan of sports (Pilates and yoga excluded) but at the moment her eyes were glued to the court as she watched Luke score another three points for the team. Her lips turned up into a smile as Luke high-fived Nate before resuming the game.

"Watching this game brings out so many memories…" Rachel said evocatively.

"You never played sports." Brooke pointed out.

"Not those sorts of memories." Rachel said with a smug smile on her dark red lips.

"What are you…" Brooke said finally looking away from the court to face her friend as she finally realized what she was saying "Aw, that's just…aw."

"When did you date a basketball player?" Peyton asked, grateful for a distraction from a game. Even if it was a bad one. She loved Jake but sadly the same didn't apply to basketball.

"Who said anything about dating?"

"In that case…aw, I don't wanna know." Peyton agreed with Brooke.

"What are you guys talking about?" Haley asked.

"Let's just say, Jason Roberts, this gym after nine pm and me in a very short skirt."

"Oh you mean you two…"

"Yes." Rachel said as Brooke and Peyton looked at her, not all that surprised "Ah, to be young and foolish again…"

"Yeah…" Haley agreed, dreamily.

"Wait, you're agreeing with her?" Brooke asked, confused.

"Kind of."

"Haley, what are you trying to say…"

"Let's just say…Nathan Scott, an empty court at night, a picnic blanket and of course, me. Although there was a sprinkles incident that occured on that night so it wasn't all that…"

"Could you two be any more annoying?" Rachel commented as Haley just laughed, a little embarrassed.

"I'm in shock." Brooke said. "I think I may be in dangerous of fainting as a result of this news. Tutor mom, thank you for one very unpleasant mental image that will proceed to attack my brain every time I see you and Nate together in the same room."

"Brooke..." Haley started but was interrupted by Rachel.

"What? I'm surprised you and Blake haven't done it. Didn't he play sports baseball or something like that?"

"No he didn't. But he was the captain of his football team for two years in collage but I didn't know him back then. We met later."

"How unfortunate for you." Haley joked.

"Who's Blake?" Rachel asked.

"Brooke's fiancé."

"You're engaged to someone other than lover boy over there?" Rachel almost shrieked as Brooke gave her the warning look.

"How could you miss that enormous rock on her hand?" Peyton asked.

"Okay, now I'm in shock." Rachel announced.

But Brooke wasn't paying much attention to the conversation at hand or her shocked friend. Her eyes were focused on the court yet again or more precisely on a certain blonde guy who was currently sitting at the bench by the court, for players only, breathing heavily.

After roughly fifteen minutes of playing on one of the time outs he has approached Nathan and whispered something in his ear, probably that he'd had enough which was perfectly fine since he didn't plan on playing longer anyhow. But the look on his face was the one of disappointment and needless to say Brooke was worried. In strictly friendly way, of course.

She made a resolution to go down and ask him was he alright on the next half time when it would be easier to get through the crowd that was obstructing her path now, but that never happened since Lucas walked out of the gym not even five minutes later just as Nathan scored a two pointer that put their team into lead.

"Excuse me guys I have to go." Brooke said quickly, putting down her Coke.

"Brooke what are you…" Rachel said as Brooke walked pass her.

"I have to go." she said "You guys stay." she assured them before hurrying towards the exit.

----BL----

Walking out of that gym was one of those things you do on impulse without really thinking about it. But now as she walked down the beach, in hopes of seeing him, she began to doubt her rash decision. When he walked out of the gym she followed, not knowing why. And right now she was starting to think she should've stayed there after all.

He obviously wanted to be alone. Her presence was not needed, especially if she had no magic words to say to make it all better. To top it off, she wasn't even sure what the exact reason of his abrupt departure was and what she was trying to fix in the first place.

Just as she was about to change her mind, and give up on this whole quest she spotted him. Or more precisely his frame, hidden by a dark cape of the night. She let out a sigh of relief, taking off her shoes and walked to the water, with slow measured steps thinking how easy it would be to just turn and walk away but knowing she would never do that. Not when he was just a few feet away, hurting.

A friend in her felt the need to tell him it will be alright but that hidden small, maybe selfish part of her wanted to hold him close and kiss the pain away.

In the end she did neither. Instead she sat in the sand next to him without a word, with nothing more to offer but her company. All she could hope was that it was enough.

"Its cold tonight." he said, clearing his throat.

"I don't really…" she started only to get distracted by his hands wrapping around her as he held his coat up and pulled it around her slender shoulders, his eyes finding her hazel ones "…mind." she finished softly.

"But I do." he retorted "I wouldn't want you to get a pneumonia because of me."

"I'm a taught gal, I don't get sick that easily." she said with a smile, wrapping that coat just a little tighter around her.

He noticed "I know you are but even you can't win against the cold nights in Tree Hill."

"Oh, this is nothing compared to how it gets around three or four am." she commented.

"How would you know?"

"I had my fair share of nights, or should I say mornings of returning home in a mini skirt, warm jacket nowhere in sight, back in the day." she said.

"Well, you're wrong." he stated.

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's the coldest just before the daybreak, when the fog is still thick outside, making the glass of the windows frosted and the streets are quiet, leaving you with that deep, lingering feeling of desolation." he explained, watching the waves rise and fall not far away from where they were sitting.

She shivered, not from the cold but from the familiarity of it all. She knew the feeling he described all too well. "I never was a fan of early mornings."

He smiled, just a small curl of lips, a soft sound barely audible against the water but it was a step forward no matter how tiny. And it made it all that much harder to ask the question she needed to ask sooner or later.

"What happened out there Luke?"

"Nothing." he said quickly, almost as if he was expecting her to ask this. "It's just that being there tonight…and actually playing basketball with the guys, with the crowd cheering…I forgot how good that felt."

"You didn't lose that." she pointed out quietly. "Basketball I mean. You just…"

"Yes I have. And I've made peace with it a long time ago. But all this brought those feelings and memories back and I guess I just need some time to process it, but I'll be fine."

"I know." she said, adding "It was nice though… seeing you guys out there again."

He nodded with a sigh.

"Yes it was, but it's not just that. Back then…when I was seventeen… I knew why I was playing basketball, why I wanted to go to college or pursue my writing career…and now…" he paused "Now I don't."

"Yeah, nowadays I don't know why I even go to work every day anymore." she agreed thinking how determined she used to was about making it as a designer, and having her own fashion line. Now when she finally had all of that she couldn't help but feel like she was cheated. You weren't supposed get sick of your dream job when you're barely passed your twenties.

"If it's that bad, why do you do it?" he asked with a frown.

"Because I…" she paused, not really sure she was ready to admit this to herself, let alone him "I knew once." Brooke whispered, the confession sounding foreign to her own ears more than to his.

"I know what you mean." He agreed. It was weird but somehow when he was younger he was so determined to make his own decisions about everything, going against everything and everyone and these days, he was just going with the flow, where ever the river took him he followed. The only thing that bothered him was that all that sounded a lot like giving up.

"But I'm hoping to find that again. I have to." she said, her voice filled with certainty as they both pretended they didn't hear that small tremble there too "Otherwise, what's the point?"

"You will." he assured her, his voice firm, unwavering.

And that was all she needed. Without even thinking about it she lowered her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes, letting his words sink in, wrap around her like a warm blanket, offering comfort and in this case, hope.

It was little moments like this that made life worth living, and it was those little moments she missed the most.

"You know I missed you." he confessed, his hand somehow finding hers. She felt it, his warm fingers warming up her cold hand and sending shock waves through her body.

"I missed you too." she heard herself say, swallowing hard, her eyes never leaving his. Tonight she was doing something she hasn't in a long, long time – trusting Lucas Scott with her heart. It was all there for him to take or break, she had no more control left. It slipped once his eyes locked with hers, and as inevitably as that wave that was about to crash at the cliffs in the distance by the pier, his lips found hers. It was almost timid at first, their lips barely touching, yet she felt her whole body go limp at his touch.

She pulled him gently by the shirt, wanting to be closer, giving in to something she thought was lost then, wanting to deepen the kiss, all of her defenses melting away like sugar in hot chocolate on a cold winter morning and he complied, his hand reaching behind her waist, leaning in, without breaking the kiss. When their tongues met with such ease she almost forgot to breathe, the familiarity of it all hitting her all at once, making the last barrier, filled with all her insecurities and doubts, fall. This was one thing they always agreed on, complimenting each other perfectly without exceptions.

And then her hand was on his chest, feeling his heart beating under her fingers and his hand moving up her back slowly sending shivers down her spine. At that moment with her eyes closed, she didn't think about anything, letting her other senses take the wheel. She felt his heart beat, his fingers dancing over her soft skin. She heard his breath hitch as she deepened the kiss.

She heard a loud, repetitive sound somewhere in the background but was too distracted to pay attention. Not when his fingers were tracing a line down her neck, just behind her ear as if they knew just where she was the weakest. And in a way, they did.

But somehow Lucas pulled away as if coming back from a dream, with that jerking motion, the noise getting him back to reality. It wasn't until that sudden loss of his touch, of his closeness that she realized that the noise in question was actually her phone. Without a word, she pulled it out and answered her eyes searching for his as she instinctively brushed her fingers across her swollen lips.

Her lip gloss was smeared, her big hazel eyes looking at him and the only thing that stopped Luke from kissing her right then and there was her raspy voice as she said "Hello?" stopping the song Summer love from right before it got to the chorus.

"You slut, how could you leave me alone here?"

"What are…"

"I had just spent half an hour listening to Haley and Peyton lead the most uninteresting conversation ever!"

"Rachel why are you…"

"Don't you Rachel me. Why did you just leave in the middle of the game like that?"

"I just went to get some fresh air and…" she lied.

"Well you should've called, Peyton and Haley have been worried because you didn't even call and the game is almost over, and then they even got me all concerned and... Seriously, if I wanted to get this upset I'd adopt a five year old B Davis."

"Sorry about that."

"Yeah well… And how much fresh air do you actually need anyways? It's been half an hour!"

"I'm thinking I'll just head back home so..."

"Oh, no you won't. You can't leave me with these two alone. Besides they're all going for drinks later to celebrate or whatever and so help me God you're going too."

"Rach…"

"You owe me."

"Fine, I'll be there in ten."

"As in ten minutes? Aren't you like twenty feet away from here?"

"Can we not do this right now?"

"Sure." she finally let it go "But I was just wondering where is Lucas. He left so suddenly…."

"I'm hanging up now."

"Ten it is then."

"Bye slut."

"Bitch. Say hi to Luke…"

Brooke didn't let her finish, shutting her phone off quickly.

Brooke swallowed as she faced Lucas trying to find words to say but all she managed was to open her mouth and close them, letting the heavy silence surround them, making the air around them heavier with each passing second. God, she should really say something. Rachel was waiting for her.

Luke was waiting.

"I should go." he announced, after what seemed like ages, shifting uncomfortably, refusing to face her. What had he done? She was engaged to another man, for God's sake.

"Luke it's not like that. I'm not…" she started, unsure where to begin with explaining this to him. It was like instead of finding her way out of this mess she was just sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand.

"Sorry, I should probably take you back to your hotel." he said, searching for his car keys in his jeans pockets before realizing his car was still at Tree Hill High.

"No, I'm going back to the game, I promised Rachel I would." she said, even though his suggestion sounded much more tempting. Forcing a smile she looked at him, clearing her throat "And seriously? Don't you wanna be there when Nathan scores that winning shot?"

He looked at her for a long, hard moment as if he wasn't sure he heard her correctly as he thought of a million things he wanted to tell her, to ask her but then he said "Oh, we won't win that game Brooke." with that sad, half smile on his face.

She pursed her lips, not too happy with his answer and he barely managed not to comment on how cute she looked. "But what if we do? Do you wanna miss the opportunity to tease your students about losing against the oldies?" she asked, offering him her hand to stand up. "Besides, your car is still there and you can't walk home." she pointed out.

"True."

"So what do you say? You with me?"

He considered his options for a full minute and then said "Always." before putting his hand into hers. He couldn't say no to that smile.

"Let's go broody." she said, helping him stand up, feeling his warm breath on her neck as he moved closer, his eyes running from her neck up to her eyes as she swallowed, her mouth suddenly feeling dry.

It was then that she knew, yes, it was hard for them to be together when everything and everyone seemed to want to break them apart but damn it, it was harder to be just friends.

Tonight, after the game, she decided she'd tell him everything.

----BL----

"You've got to be kidding me!"

"I'm not, she ran straight for that pole but was so drunk that she totally missed it and landed flat on her butt."

"Hales." he repeated for the third time, disbelief written all over his handsome features.

"Yup. But thankfully no one was injured. Except Haley's pride that is."

"Thank you so much for giving up your blackmail material." he said.

"You're welcome. Besides we're adults now, blackmailing is childish." she said, as she walked down the parking lot, a few feet ahead of Luke "Or so I've heard."

"Thank God I never gave you any…"

She smiled in that devilish kind of way and he knew he was in trouble.

"Oh, what about my red sweats?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That was just one time. I was spending the night at your place and I forgot to bring any spare clothes!" he said as his face turned three shades of red in a matter of seconds.

"You looked really sexy in those." she teased. "Red is so your color." she said before bursting into laughter.

"Hey, it was your fault I ruined my jeans."

"It's not my fault you're scared of a little water." she said, innocently.

"You pulled me in that bathtub while I was fully clothed!" he said and instantly regretted ever bringing that up. It made being next to her and doing nothing all that much harder. "Those jeans were drenched! It took me two days to fully dry them." he added.

"Okay, I plead the fifth on that one." she said jokingly.

"You're so not getting away that easily. I know a story or two about you that surpass the red sweats by far." he said, with that half smilrk on his lips.

"You wouldn't…" she warned.

"Let's see…" he said, thinking "Remember the Target incident?" he asked arching an eyebrow in challenge.

"Okay, that was a little misjudgment on my side…" She laughed as they entered the gym and he pulled her aside, putting his arms around her in order to avoid colliding with some students that were leaving the building.

"You really need to watch where you're going." he said still not letting her go. She tended to get distracted when she was laughing at something and he always found it awfully adorable, unable to take his eyes off of her.

"That's why I have you here to catch me." she retorted, turning to look up at his eyes, words coming out of her mouth before she got a chance to reconsider. This was the second time tonight she did something on impulse and that almost never ended well.

She watched as his smile faded away replaced with something else, something a lot like…

"There you are guys." Haley said cheerfully taking them out of their own stupor and back to reality. "I've been looking…"

"What th…" Brooke stuttered.

"Never mind, you came just in time. We won, can you believe it?" Haley said with a smile.

"No…" they both said in unison, sounding almost a little disappointed by it.

"Well it was only by a point but I think it's sort of a miracle." Haley rambled.

"There were a few of those tonight."

"Yes, there were. In fact there's one standing by the bleachers for you Brooke." Haley said.

"What are you…" she started looking straight ahead, trying to see what Haley was trying to tell her when she saw him. White wool sweater, dark brown jacket, short brown hair, yes it was most certainly him. Her fiancé.

When he saw her, recognition and something much like dread reflected in his dark brown eyes and Brooke could feel Luke's hands slip away, letting her go.

She didn't turn to see his face but walked forward ignoring Peyton and Rachel that were standing not too far from Blake looking almost concerned, automatically closing the gap between her and him. He abandoned his stand in an instant coming to face her. And just like that he pulled her into a hug, squeezing her just a little too tight. But that didn't hurt her nearly as much as those blue eyes that stared back at her, and she could read one emotion clearly there, defeat.

But before Blake looked at her with dark eyes she thought that despite everything this night would stay burned in her mind for years to come as a night when real love seemed possible. But instead she has come to remember it by something else, something a lot less pleasant.

"Blake, what happened?"

"It's Victoria." he retorted all too quietly and she was almost positive she heard him wrong because of all the noise surrounding them when he added "She's been in an accident, Brooke."

----BL----


	9. I’ll never ask for anyone but you

**Pairing**: BL with minor NH

**Disclaimer**: I don't own OTH or the lyrics.

**Summary**: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting. BL

**AN: **I wanna say thank you to everyone that read/alerted/favorite this story and especially those that read and reviewed the last chapter (ravencheerleader, yaba, othfan326, kItty'RoCkeR, Long Live BRUCAS, BDavisLScott23, .Cinnamon, catcat51092) you guys are beyond awesome! Anyways, hope you like this chapter.

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_I wanna hear what you have to say about me, hear if you're gonna live without me_

_I wanna hear what you want, I remember December...._

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_

**Chapter 9: I'll never ask for anyone but you**

It was snowing.

Big, white flakes fell from the dark, ominous clouds covering up the road and the pavement outside quickly, as if the flakes were trying to catch up with each other before they met their unfortunate fate. All the people around her were in a hurry to get somewhere, catch a plane or meet their family at the terminal 15 or whatever but she wasn't. She sat there, looking outside, focusing on the snowflakes that seemed to move in slow motion, almost as if they were hovering in the air before colliding with the wet ground and turning into small drops of water. To a ten year old girl it was nothing short of magical.

She watched the planes come and go through the big glass windows of the airport, sitting on a plastic, orange colored chair, her feet not touching the ground. Her dark hair was pulled in a pony tail with a pale pink bow that matched her outfit and her shoes perfectly. To anyone around her she looked like a typical ten year old girl if you failed to take one little detail into consideration, she was sitting alone in the waiting area of a rather large JFK airport.

But she didn't mind, she was expecting her mom to show up any minute now with their tickets. You see, today they were going on their first family vacation to Aspen. Seven days in a pretty hotel that had an indoor pool and was surrounded with miles and miles of snow. Victoria has promised her that they would even go skiing and she was more than excited about that. Daddy was coming soon too and they would be going to board their plane any second now. So she sat and waited.

Minutes passed and despite herself, she started to worry, wondering where her mom was. She noticed a pair of black stilettos paired up with a dark red suit in the crowd not too far away and smiled, thinking she was just being silly for worrying at all as her mom slowly walked up to her. It was then that she noticed her hands were empty. Her smile fell as Victoria told her that their flight was canceled because of the snow storm and even if it wasn't for that her daddy was busy with work so they couldn't go anyway.

But they would definitely go on some other day, maybe even next weekend, her mom assured her.

The problem was that that other day never came. And as she watched with those sad hazel eyes those snowflakes blur in weird, unrecognizable shapes, feeling her eyes sting, she knew in her heart even then that it never would.

----BL----

It was raining.

Big, fat drops of rain were falling from the sky, those heavy, grey clouds matching with her foul mood. And even though she was in a closed space, the cold from the outside still pervaded the not so crowded waiting area and her thin green cotton shirt. She watched the planes take off the runway as she sat at one of the plastic chairs, with her jacket in hands. For the last half hour she was staring through those glass windows of the airport trying desperately to think of any remotely nice memory she had of her family, of Victoria but was failing miserably so far.

The closest she got to that was that day at the airport when she was ten and that worked only if she left out half of the story, if she tried to focus only on that feeling of hope she had when she waited for her mom to come as she sat there, thinking of all the amazing things they would do together at that winter vacation. Her mom and dad and her.

Just thinking about it brought tears to her eyes.

She hasn't cried all day, not when Blake told her about Victoria, not at all. But right now, sitting at Tree Hill airport she felt like crying. She could feel her eyes slowly filling with tears, but she quickly closed them to stop the tears from falling, her hands squeezing that coat she was holding a little tighter.

They were never close, she and Victoria. Actually if she thought about it, that was kind of an understatement. They rarely spent any time together when she was younger and now, not much has changed, if you didn't count work related meetings and discussions that they both were obligated to attend. And when she was in High school she barely even saw her, maybe once every few months. She was always on some business trip or at some spa or whatever and with time Brooke got used to it. And she didn't really miss her then, so why would she now when she was a grown up woman?

No, this wasn't about that.

It was about all those things they missed, all the time they could've spent together if Victoria didn't pay more attention to her bottle of scotch/wine/whiskey or to the money she made or that Spanish pool boy than she did to her only daughter. It was the memories she could've had, if she had a mom like Karen Roe instead that burned her eyes. That's what she felt like crying for.

"Hey, I got the tickets." someone said, towering in front of her, interrupting her thoughts.

She looked up at those dark brown eyes and said quietly, with a shaky sigh "Okay." It was the most she'd said all day.

He sat beside her with a sigh, pulling his hand through his hair unsure of what exactly to do or say for that matter. Right now he wasn't sure of anything. Ever since he stepped with his foot in Tree Hill he felt like he wasn't really all that welcome here. Sure all her friends greeted him nicely, with big smiles and warm words but with a certain dose of reservations he didn't know how to interpret. And there was this blonde guy with her that didn't even bother with saying anything to him but chose to leave the gym instead after hugging Brooke longer than necessary and saying he was sorry.

And Brooke was looking at him as if she didn't want him to leave at all.

----BL----

She watched the rain fall, with a certain dose of detachment. It was as if everything she's done after Blake walked up to her last night had been on some sort of autopilot. Blake looked at her as her phone started vibrating in her purse for what must be hundredth time that day alone. It was probably Haley, calling to check up on her even though she has told her last night she was fine. Really, she was. Or maybe Peyton to tell her she was there if she needed anything. Or Nate, ringing her up to ask if she had any news about Victoria, or Bevin… She sighed.

The thing was there was nothing that anyone could do. Victoria was in a hospital and she was fine. Just fine.

Blake squeezed her hand lightly.

"Brooke…" he said and she barely heard it, his voice coming to her almost in some sort of haze as if from a great distance. Everything felt like that today, like it was all far, far away from her and she had trouble connecting with anyone, with reality.

She sighed instead of an answer. She really wasn't in the mood for small talk. Or any other conversation for that matter.

"I just talked to the hospital, they don't know anything yet. She's still in surgery." he informed her.

"Alright."

"I'm sure she's gonna be okay." he assured her and then said, just loud enough for her to hear "You'll get through this."

"I'm fine." she repeated for the tenth time that day. The words were slowly starting to wear out on her tongue.

He looked up as the announcement that the plane for New York City was ready for boarding at gate B34 came over the speakers.

"We should go, that's our plane." he said and she stood up almost automatically.

He followed closely, taking her hand in hers. She didn't object.

"If you need anything I'm here for you." he said, pausing, and then after a short pause, "I love you." he added pulling her close to him and all she could think about was that cold winter day and that girl with tears in her hazel eyes.

"Blake, I…"

She tried but the words didn't want to come out of her mouth as she clenched her fingers into a fist, holding onto his coat tightly. God, she wished she could say those words to him in return, it would make her life so much easier. Why couldn't you chose who you love?

"Madam, can I see your ticket?" she heard someone ask, and she breathed the sigh of relief.

He pretended he didn't notice.

----BL----

Haley and Nathan were the it couple of Tree Hill, the ones that gave hope to everyone else that it was possible, that the whole long term relationship concept wasn't just something that happened in fictional tales about romance and love. And yes, they have been together for years now defying every obstacle they came upon and so every morning when she woke up Haley resisted the urge to pinch herself in order to make sure it was all real. Because really, she was married to a beautiful man with the most amazing blue eyes and a personality to match it, a man who loved her more than anything.

She knew that well and she didn't need any confirmation of it. Nevertheless, Nathan told her those three words now almost as often as he did when they first started dating and bought her presents for every important anniversary and birthday even when she insisted she didn't care about such sentiments. But it was nice, knowing she was still important enough to him to bother with such 'nonsense'. It made her smile.

But the point was now she was old enough to know that when you have work and a little kid and a whole lot of other things to take care of you don't have as much time for such things as you did when you were younger. It didn't really mattered anyway, she knew he loved her even when he didn't rent that damn plane to write it on the sky in bright white letters. That was one of the blessings she would forever be grateful for. So it was kind of silly that she was jealous of something as simple as the way he always looked at her.

The 'he' in that sentence being her best friend Lucas Scott and 'her' of course Brooke Davis.

It wasn't one of those things you could explain with words but it was something you could definitely notice. Like when they were in high school and Haley would catch up with them at the hallway during recess. Brooke would start talking about the latest school gossip, laughing together with Haley and Luke would just stand there beside her, one hand holding his backpack, the other tangled with hers, not saying a word. But everything he failed to say with words he said with his eyes. And it startled her, the way he had eyes only for her, as cliché as that sounded. There was something magical about it, something deep and inviting, something a lot like forever.

Often she wished she had someone who would look at her that way, like she was the only girl in the room, making her burn from the inside out with nothing but those blue eyes. Lucas was a writer and he often went on and on about his love life or the lack of it but when it came to his relationship with Brooke he had said more with the way he looked at her then with anything else.

Just like last night.

Haley stood next to him but she didn't watch Brooke walk away towards Blake. Her attention was focused on those blue eyes that watched her every move, in a way they never watched any other girl, and she knew she was right then. This was the forever kind of thing.

But the problem was that their forever was slowly fading away in front of his dark eyes. Almost literally actually, since a few painful minutes later Brooke walked away held tightly by Blake towards the exit door and into the darkened hallway as he remained frozen at his spot.

And this morning he chose to spend at her house staring at a steaming cup of coffee placed on her living room table and Haley couldn't help but think how they were back to the beginning, replaying their morning at that cafe few days ago, only with much gloomier Luke. She has called Brooke at least five times by now, leaving her messages on voicemail since she didn't pick up her phone, asking about Victoria and about her of course. In a way she felt as if she was doing the same with Lucas, only in person. Because so far it seemed that whatever she was saying Luke wasn't hearing. _The subscriber is temporary unavailable, please try later._

It was so unnerving that she was sure she had finally met someone more relentless that she was.

"Luke, do you want some sugar with that coffee?" she asked, glancing at his cup of black coffee.

He remained impassive, concentrating on some invisible spot on the table.

"Luke…?" she tried again and he finally looked up.

"No, no it's good this way."

And that was all sorts of weird since Luke never liked bitter coffee. In fact she and Brooke often joked with him when she worked at Karen's cafe because he tended to put three or four spoons of sugar in it, and then complain that the coffee was a little too strong.

Haley sighed as she watched him take a sip from his cup, without even a wince. It was evident that his thoughts were somewhere else and that he wasn't paying all that much attention to the task at hand.

"You should go see her." she finally said, picking up furiously Jamie's toys that were scattered around the room.

"What?" he asked, genuinely confused. Or shocked, she wasn't really sure. It was kind of out of the blue statement but she had to pull out the big guns if she was going to get his attention.

"I said you should go see Brooke." she said bluntly. "I'd go with you if Jamie didn't have school but…"

Lucas sighed.

"Hales she has bigger things on her mind right now, she doesn't need me coming to see her and saying…" Saying what exactly? He didn't know. God, he couldn't just show up at her door and say what, that he still had feelings for her? That would be a bit too much.

"And that's exactly why she needs her friends to be there for her. She needs you to be there." Haley said.

"Why would she need me there? She has that fiancé of hers." he said sounding a lot like a five year old he wasn't.

Haley gave him the look, finding his question a little ridiculous. "Trust me, it's not like that." Haley said remembering the look on Brooke's face when she talked about them that afternoon over coffee. Or that blinding smile on her lips that reflected in her eyes as she walked into the gym last night with Luke. It was more than obvious.

"What do you mean? Did she tell you something about it?" he asked, sitting up.

And as much as Haley wanted to tell him everything, Brooke was the person that needed to tell him this kind of information "Just go and talk to her." she repeated once again and then added more quietly "Please."

He looked at her as she put something in his hand. It was a plane ticket.

"But Haley, your renewal is…"

"Just go." she said, giving him an out.

If there was ever a good enough reason to miss your best friends vow renewal when you're the best man it was this one. And he knew that Haley understood that, maybe even better than he did.

Last night, he didn't expect Brooke to realize it. There were other things on her mind, like her mom getting in a horrible car accident in New York while she was on her way to the airport. Things much more important then what he had to say to her. Or maybe she did notice only to decide it wasn't really that important. Maybe she thought it was a mistake. Or maybe... He stopped himself, thinking he might drive himself crazy if he continued with this particular train of thoughts.

It didn't matter. All he wanted was to see her and make sure she was alright and if it wasn't for Haley's wedding he would be on that plane by now, that guy Blake be damned. Besides, he _had_ to know. Yes it was selfish. And inconsiderate. And foolish, irresponsible, inappropriate for a situation at hand but he had to know. He just did. It wasn't some spur of the moment thing, or a selfish wish. It was a need, one that ran deep in his veins, making his skin itch for an answer.

This was something he had to do, even if he crashed and burned. He didn't do it then but now it was all he could think about.

He will fight for her.

----

**AN:** Please review!


	10. Shrink the world

**Pairing: **Brooke/Lucas with minor NH

**Summary**: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting. BL

**Disclaimer**: Mark owns it all.

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**Chapter 10: Shrink the world**

"_Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."_

_Dinah Shore_

----BL----

With more determination than he ever had he packed his bags and drove off to the airport. Shortly after he gave his ticket for New York to the flight attendant, and less than two hours after he made a decision he was flying miles up in the air, Tree Hill becoming smaller and smaller in the airplane window. Soon enough the image occupying the window was replaced by the high New York sky scrapers and before he knew it he was walking out of a La Guardia airport calling out for one of a numerous yellow cabs lined up by the sidewalk.

It was then that his determination started to fade, to falter slowly and he was beginning to think that maybe this was all a mistake. When Haley told him to go it all made perfect sense, but now here he was, in New York City on his way to see Brooke, unannounced, without any explanation to give. Not that he needed one if he was visiting a friend whose mom was in a hospital. But still. It all sounded a little shaky to him.

And as he approached the grayish looking building known as the Presbyterian Hospital it started to sound like the worst plan he ever had. The ride with the elevator to the right floor proved to be a real torture. He run his hand through his sandy blonde hair, taking a breath as he watched the numbers in front of him go up, approaching his floor all too fast. There was just one more couple there with him but to him it felt too crowded, his hands quickly turning sticky with sweat as he put them in his jean pockets trying not to look like a nervous teenager that was going on his first date.

Just like that, with a small click, the elevator doors opened and he was there. The pair left the small space of the elevator leaving him alone and he stepped out too, slowly, on shaky feel as if he wasn't sure he was standing on a solid ground. The floor was pretty vacant with the exception of a few nurses running around. He could easily turn around and flee but he remained at his spot, the desire to see her, to talk to her and tell her the truth stronger than the fear coiling at the pit of his stomach.

There was no turning back now.

He asked the dark haired girl that was working at the reception, with big glasses that framed her delicate face where the waiting room was and she directed him to go straight forward and then turn left at the end of the hallway.

About fifty steps later (he counted them unconsciously, finding something else to think about rather than her) he saw her, standing on her toes, hugging a tall, dark haired guy.

He was going to kill Haley.

----BL----

During all those months they were together she never thought of Blake as her equal. Really he was more like a temporary remedy for her loneliness, a way of getting Victoria to stop breathing down her neck, asking the same old annoying question.

But today she began to respect him more than she ever did before, she began to think that despite his shortcomings he was a good person who didn't deserve to be treated this way.

So as they stood in the waiting room, still processing all the big medical words Victoria's doctor just shared with them, she was determined to tell him it was over. There was no point in trying to maintain the appearances now that the one person that cared about this relationship was in a coma. Medically induced one, but still.

But before she got a chance to say anything he said it all for her. They were standing a few feet apart, washed away in the light that was coming through the big glass windows, looking at each other with silent understanding.

"Brooke…"

"I know. I'm sorry." she said, apologizing. Maybe he didn't deserve it but she owed them that much. And in a way she was sorry that it didn't work out because wasn't such a bad guy after all but sadly, her heart was already occupied no matter how much she wished it wasn't.

He looked at her with those dark eyes, with seriousness she didn't know he possessed "I'm sorry too. About Victoria and about us..."

She nodded in understanding, knowing there was no point in delaying a conversation that was long overdue anyway.

"I know you think you loved me but really… you loved the idea of us. You know, the hot, successful young couple… You get carried away." she confessed with a small laugh "But that's not what relationships are based on."

"Maybe."

"And be honest, you never thought we'd get this far even…" she said with a sad smile.

"You're right." he agreed thinking of everything they've been through. It was obvious they weren't the typical romantic couple or at least the couple that loved each other and in the end, they never planned on being that. There were a lot of reasons that kept them together but love wasn't one of them.

"So this is sort of a success for us." she said with a small smile looking at him.

"If you put it that way..." he said with a laugh.

She took of the small ring, examining it for a moment before handing it to him "Here, you should take it. And all joking aside, I really do hope you'll find someone worthy of wearing it."

"Yeah…" he sighed "I see you already found that someone." he commented.

"What are you…"

"That blonde guy…"

"We're not like that anymore." she said simply.

"I wouldn't say that."

"Since when did you get so insightful anyway?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's just one of my many qualities." he joked.

"Didn't know you had any."

"Ouch, that hurt."

"Sorry, force of habit. But thank you for being with me through this. It means a lot." she said, meaning every word of it. They've been waiting for hours for the doctors to come talk to them and if it weren't for him she'd be forced to spend those hours staring at the wall or something equally nerve-racking.

"You're welcome." he said kissing her on the cheek. "She's gonna be alright, I'm sure. This is Victoria Davis we're talking about after all."

She smiled, teary eyed "Yeah. Come here." she said pulling him into a hug.

----BL----

Lucas just stood there in the hallway, watching.

If he was stuck in this same scene five years ago he'd turn around and flee, he was sure of it. Because then he had enough strength to turn around and go, take another road, try to move on with someone else (it wasn't like you only loved once, right?). But now he knows he can't lose her, not again for a simple reason really, because there is no one else for him.

There's only one road and he's walking down it, with her in sight.

That was one of the advantages of all the love catastrophes he was in, all the wrong turns he'd taken. Now he knew the truth, as painful and as relinquishing as it was. She was the one. It was the truth he knew years ago but somehow tried to avoid, to deny for many reasons that now escaped him. Maybe because it was easier that way, he guessed. But love was never easy, not if it was real. His mom taught him that. He just needed to find that out on his own.

His steps are slow, measured, determination returning to him with every move he makes. She doesn't notice him yet, as she moves away from Blake. A woman stands up from her chair in the waiting room, making noise in usually quiet space and she turns around, finally seeing him, acknowledging his presence with her eyes and a small quirk of her pale lips before saying "Lucas." with a mixture of surprise and excitement in her voice.

"Hey." is not the most eloquent thing he ever said but it's all he can manage because he's focusing all his strength on keeping his eyes on her and not looking at the hand that is resting on her elbow in an almost protective way.

"What are you doing here?"

"You weren't answering your calls. And we were worried about you, Haley and Peyton and Nate…" he said, knowing perfectly well it was all a lie. Not a complete lie because yes, they were all worried but there was more to it. But that would have to wait.

"I'm fine." she answered quickly "It's just with everything that was going on I didn't really have time to check on my messages."

"I should go." Blake said, making his presence known.

"Yeah, I…Luke, this is Blake Raines." she introduced "Blake, this is Lucas Scott, a good friend of mine from Tree Hill."

"Yes, I've seen you at the game." Blake said. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too." Luke said, his second lie in the last fifteen minutes.

"As I said, I really should go. There was this big emergency at work and now that you're here…" he explained more to Lucas than to Brooke because she already knew all about it he was sure "But Brooke please call me when she wakes up or if you find out anything new, okay?"

"Of course." she said as he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek before putting his black coat on and leaving. Talk about a perfect boyfriend.

"You know, you didn't have to come all the way to New York to see if I was alright." she said, finally focusing her attention on him.

"Maybe not, but I wanted to." he said. And it was the truth.

And after that they were enveloped by the silence, standing there, the space between them drenched with the words they didn't dare to speak.

"As I said I'm fine. Doctor Andrews said a lot of big medical words that I don't really remember all that well but the point is Victoria's gonna be fine too. She broke a couple of ribs and had a bad concussion so she was in a medical induced coma but he said she should wake up soon." she explained quickly, wrapping her hands around her frame as a reflex.

"That's great. I'm glad that she's gonna be fine and that you're fine."

"Good, because I am. Fine that is." she repeated and he wondered if she was aware she's said the word fine for like fifth time in the last ten minutes "It's just that it takes some time for her to wake up so I'm waiting here." she finished sitting onto a beige couch with a sigh.

"I'll sit with you." he said simply.

"You don't have to do that."

"I don't mind. You shouldn't be here alone."

"Luke, I don't need a…"

"Why did Blake leave?" he said turning to face her "Shouldn't your fiancé be here for…"

"He's not my…" she said interrupting him but then Dr. Andrews walked in, holding a chart "Dr. Andrews, what's going on?" she asked, standing up.

"First of all, it's nothing bad so you can calm down." the doctor said in that annoying, composed voice.

"Okay, so is she gonna be alright?" Brooke asked nervously. Lucas watched her, the way she played with her fingers, the way she looked at the doctor, her eyes filled with anticipation and fear. He didn't know Victoria personally, but he's heard stories both from Brooke and Peyton (and a few from Nathan), and he was pretty sure she didn't deserve to have such a wonderful and caring daughter.

"Actually I came here to tell you that your mother is awake and mostly alert but she may seem a little sluggish as a result of all the medication she's on but you can go in and see her if you want to Miss Davis." Dr. Andrews said. "And also, if we don't see any further complications from the concussion I'm hoping we'll be able to discharge her in a few days." he finished.

"That's great news." Brooke said, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding before saying "And yes, of course I do want to see her.", her voice lowering significantly "I'm just…" she said to Lucas, gesturing to Victoria's room with her hand.

"Of course. I'll wait here." he said with a nod.

"Okay." she said, her voice barely a whisper.

He watched her go, thinking how there weren't many things that brought out Brooke's insecurities and made her feel uncomfortable in her own skin but it was more than obvious that Victoria was one of them.

And he kind of hated her for it.

----BL----

There were a lot of positive sides of being able to stay at one of the most prestigious hospitals in NYC but right now all he could see were the bad ones. Since Victoria was at one of the most expensive rooms and floors of the hospital in general, there weren't many other patients in that same hallway so he was left alone it that damn waiting room. And there was nothing as hunting and creepy as an empty hospital hallway that smelled like a mixture of soup and a bad cough medicine so he really couldn't wait for her to return.

He was just sitting on one of the couches in the waiting room, trying to focus on reading of an old edition of Times under the light of a corner lamp when she walked in and plumped down beside him without a word, startling him. He dropped the newspaper on a small table in front of them unsure of what to do. She was sitting there, looking straight ahead, refusing to face him.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Nothing. She's doing alright." she retorted shortly.

"What did she tell you then?"

"Nothing in particular really." she said nonchalantly. "We didn't talk that much."

"Are you alright?" he asked finally, feeling as if he was talking to a wall. Something was definitely wrong.

"I'm fine Luke."

"God damn it Brooke stop saying you're fine cause you're obviously anything but." he said, a little louder than he intended to.

"I'm okay." she said with a raspy voice. "I should go and call Blake to tell him…" she said in a shaky voice, searching for her BlackBerry franticly in her jacket pockets.

Luke stopped her by taking her hands in his and said quietly "Then why won't you look at me?"

"Because…" she started, turning to face him, her teary hazel eyes begging him to let it go. But he couldn't, not after seeing the sadness in them even when she tried to deny it all. It was one of the things he liked about her, the way she carried her heart out on her sleeve, everything she was feeling easily readable in her eyes. But now the thing he was seeing was breaking his heart.

"Because…" she repeated, her voice cracking as tears fell freely down her flushed cheeks, her throat tightening.

"Brooke…" he said, his voice softening.

"It's just…I'm…" the tears kept falling, her breath hitching every time she tried to say something.

"Hey…" Lucas started softly, moving a little closer to her, trying to stay calm but unable to hide the worry that was slowly coming to the surface.

"It's all my fault." she confessed finally, her voice barely audible.

He pulled her to him, her whole body shaking from crying, as he whispered "Shh…" putting his hands around her. "It's gonna be okay."

"It's just like her…" she said between the gasps "to make me feel guilty even when…"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, puzzled by her words.

"God Luke, she got in an accident when she was on her way to Tree Hill… Isn't it obvious? She was coming for me…" she said looking at him with red, puffy eyes filled with remorse.

"That wasn't your fault." he tried to assure her.

"Of course it is. She said it." she said, laughing through tears almost hysterically "It's funny really… Even when she's in a hospital, lying in that damn bed she manages to wreck havoc on my life."

"Brooke, you can't blame yourself." he said, knowing his words did little to change her mind. "It's just one of those things that happen."

"Right. One of those things…" she repeated with a sigh "But if I didn't go to Tree Hill, if I stayed here, she would've never…"

"God, I can't believe she actually said that was your fault. I can't believe she said something like that to her own _daughter_." Luke said incredulously. Even though he never met Victoria he was seriously starting to dislike that woman.

"And here I was worrying…" she started, but it was hard to speak when she barely managed to breathe without choking up. It was as if all those pent up emotions were trying to come out on the surface all at once and she couldn't do anything to stop them.

"Shhh, just breathe." Luke said in that soft soothing voice, rubbing his hand down her back.

She curled up her feet up on the couch, wanting to escape. She wished she could just pretend this day never happened, she wished there was something that could distract her from it all, help her forget. Luke's soft eyes were looking at her as if she was some fragile object that could break any second. And she wanted so badly to convince him otherwise, to convince herself.

She wasn't weak.

Her hazel orbs quickly traveled from those blue eyes down to his lips and she moved closer, closing her eyes. But instead of his soft lips on hers she felt his finger on her mouth and his soft voice "No, not now. Not like this." he refused and she would forever be grateful to him for that. However, that evening, she was anything but.

"Luke, I just want to…" she said, her pleading eyes locked with his blue ones.

"Not like this." he said, wanting the same things she did, maybe even more but knowing this was not the way to get it. She was woundable and tired and desperate for a way out, and as much as he wanted to give her one he couldn't. So he breathed out and looked at those lost eyes with more care than he ever did and said "Hey, Victoria is gonna be okay. And I know you're hurt but what she said…she was wrong." he said slowly, with utter seriousness, wanting those words to reach her "And I know you'll see that eventually."

Her eyes pleaded him to say anything but that, to be the distraction she desperately needed but he just pulled her closer, his legs serving as a pillow to her as he pulled his jacket and dropped it on her shoulders, tucking it in.

He put his hand over hers softly making small circles up and down her wrist, calming her down. Her breathing slowed as she felt her eyes close, lulled to sleep by his heartbeat.

"You should try and get some sleep." he said softly as he leaned back, almost sinking into his seat from exhaustion.

"Luke…" she started, not knowing what she wanted to say exactly. Thank you didn't seem enough, not by a long shot. Lucas being here for her, saving her yet again from everything, from herself was all she could never dared to hope for.

"Shh…just close your eyes." he whispered into her soft, scarlet hair.

She complied, wanting to sink into the inviting darkness, eager to forget but as the minutes passed she realized she was failing to do so. Her thoughts kept drifting off to the events that occurred earlier, to the airport, and she found herself saying "I love you." words slipping away from her tongue, as easily as ice skates on an ice ring.

"Luke…" she said, wondering if he was as shocked by her words as she was.

But her only answer was his soft breathing and so she closed her eyes focusing on the sound, on his warm hand on hers, protective, offering a cover from the storm she was facing.

Outside it stopped raining.

----BL----

**AN:** So what do you guys think? All the thoughts, ideas and comments are more than welcome :)


	11. The end where I begin

**Pairing: **BL

**Disclaimer: **We've been over this already, but just to be on the safe side, I don't own anything. There, I said it.

**AN:** So here it is chapter 11, 11 days later :) Sorry for a late update, RL got in a way as it so often does. I don't live in the USA so I didn't get to see the OTH finale until today and all that BJu was kinda cute but I just don't think they have the chemistry BL had. And speaking of that, I was so disappointed we didn't even get a BL goodbye scene (maybe even a hug)...sigh

**----**

**Chapter 11: The end where I begin**

_Oh the timing is cruel  
Oh I need and don't want to need  
More than I should..._

_ - Lie in the sound, Transpassers William  
_

----BL----

The sudden feeling of cold pervaded his senses, waking him to a dull pain in his neck, an unpleasant consequence of the uncomfortable position he fell asleep in last night on the couch as he soon came to figure out. His jacket was now lying a few feet away, on the other side of the couch, abandoned. He rubbed his aching neck thinking how this was sort of becoming a bad habit of his, sleeping on small, uncomfortable couches/sofas.

But the pain was soon forgotten as it downed on him that she was obviously gone. Maybe she just left to avoid the awkwardness of the whole 'morning after', but it wasn't like anything happened or she just had somewhere to be so she decided to leave without waking him up, not wanting to disturb his sleep. Or maybe he should stop deluding himself, it was obvious she left to avoid seeing him after everything so he should just do her a favor and leave.

And that was what he wished he could do but right now that distance from the waiting room couch to the elevator seemed almost a mile long. He was willing to let it all go but not yet. Not until he told her the truth. Then he would leave if she wanted it. But before that he had to talk to her. Wasn't that what this trip was all about? There would be no more what ifs in his life.

After all, how often did you have a discovery as big as this one and were lucky enough to have a person it was about just a few short feet away? Not that often he figured.

So he stood up determined to go and find her no matter what when she walked in, looking like she has just woken up, in a different outfit that couldn't cover up just how worn out she was.

"Hey, I just went to the bathroom down the hallway to wash up." she said, rubbing her eyes that were still a little puffy, a sore reminder of last night. Her hair was pulled up in a messy bum, with a few strands falling freely, framing her delicate face.

"You should have woken me up. Did you talk to the doctor?" he asked, his voice still low and a little raspy from sleep.

"Believe me I didn't wake up so long ago, maybe ten minutes before you." she said, her eyes settling on his "And I did talk to Dr Andrews, he said that the nurse took Victoria downstairs for an additional MRI, to check things because of her concussion but he said if nothing new comes up he could discharge her in a couple of days."

"That's great news." he said.

"Yeah it is." she said, in a deflated manner.

He almost reached out to hug her out of relief, but stopped at the last second, shifting uncomfortably.

"I should probably go and call Haley than. She was worried about you and of course your..."

"Oh my God, I totally forgot to call her and…"

"Don't worry about that, you had a lot on your mind yesterday."

"Yeah."

Luke took his phone from his jacket and was about to go and make that call but then he turned around just as Brooke sat back on the couch, facing her "Hey…um I saw this small café across the street from here so maybe we could go and grab some coffee while we wait for…"

She looked at him as if she didn't quite understand what he was saying, a little surprised at his suggestion.

"And maybe we could get some breakfast too if you want to." he added quickly.

"Sure, why not?" she said finally, remembering she hasn't eaten anything yesterday if you didn't count that coffee that Blake brought her from the vending machine. "Besides, I really need a little distraction, something to do other than sit here because I think I'll go crazy."

"I'll just go call Hales and then we can go."

"Sure."

"Great."

----BL----

She's told him this many times before, how she was strong and independent and how she didn't make excuses for who she was. And it was the truth, for the most part. But as much as she was strong she was also vulnerable, even though she tried so hard to hide that. It wasn't a welcome trait in her book, except in rare occurrences. But as much as she wanted to, sometimes she couldn't hide how much something was bothering her because as he was convinced time and time again, she wore her heart on her sleeve.

Now, as they walked down the street, side by side, she was doing just that, trying to convince him she was strong when she actually wasn't. Trying to convince him her mother's accident and last night's conversation she had with him didn't bother her when it did. Honestly, Victoria Davis wasn't the warmest person in the world and certainly not a candidate for the mother of the year, just the opposite in fact but all that couldn't erase the fact that she was Brooke's mother and that her actions and words could hurt her on a level that only family can.

Brooke was wearing black stilettos, skinny jeans and a gorgeous black top. Her hair was falling freely down her shoulders, complimented with big black sunglasses. She looked every bit like one of those Manhattan socialites.

It was her way of hiding, mastered to sheer perfection by years of practice even when he knew that deep down she was hurting.

Deep down he knew that in a way he was the only thing standing between her and another pack of Kleenex so he had to do something. Even if that something was a walk with her down the street to a certain coffee place.

"So did you talk to Hales?"

"No, she was out but I told Nathan to let her know that Victoria was gonna be alright. They were all really worried about you there, Nate said that if I didn't call when I did he's book a plane ticket and come here to see you. With Haley and Peyt and Jake and…the list goes on."

Brooke smiled "We're lucky we have such good friends huh?"

"I wouldn't trade them for anything." he admitted "Although I'm not so sure about Hales." he said jokingly.

"Oh, don't be like that, she means well even if she gets me in trouble most of the time."

"And me." he added "But really, she's great, the only person who put up with me all these years without complaining. Much."

"Oh you're not that bad." she said, hitting him playfully on the shoulder.

He looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

"But now that I think about it…you can be rather inpatient and you're definitely too neat for a guy who lives alone."

"Yes, and don't forget I spend way too much time reading books and then there's the whole basketball obsession."

"That's not a bad thing. I always found the whole reading thing kinda charming." she said.

"What?" he said, surprised by her comment.

"Well, not the actual _reading_, but like whenever we were in your room hanging out or studying for some test, you'd have some book stuck up your nose and I'd be trying to study but then you'd look up at me with the most captivating look on your face..." she said drifting off.

Luke watched her, taking in her every word, and was about to say something when they were interrupted.

"Lucas Eugene Scott is that really you?" someone said and Luke looked up from Brooke.

"Lindsay." he said with a sigh.

"For a moment there I thought I was seeing things. But guess I bought the right contacts after all." she said with a smile.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, surprised to see her.

"I was visiting a very rich client of ours here on Manhattan. What are _you_ doing in New York?"

"Also visiting."

"Uhm, and you didn't call to tell me you'd be here?"

"I didn't have time to come by. Besides there's nothing new to report when it comes to the book so…"

"That is so not the point. And there are a few things I needed to discuss with you." she said, finally noticing he wasn't alone "And who is this…"

"This is… a friend I was visiting, Brooke Davis. Her mom is in the hospital and…"

"I'm so sorry, is she…"

"It's not that serious. She's gonna be alright." Brooke said quickly, hating the look of pity in blond girl's eyes.

"I'm glad. But really, I heard so much about you so it's nice to finally meet you. Lindsay Strauss." she said offering a hand.

"Nothing good, I presume?" Brooke said, shaking her hand before adding "It's nice to meet you too."

"At the contrary, Lucas spoke highly of you…" Lindsay said "…though not intentionally."

Brooke looked at her, confused. Lucas looked rather uneasy beside her.

"So we should probably go to that…" Luke tried, desperate to avoid this conversation.

"Yes, Luke and I were going to grab some coffee, you can come if you want to. You two could chat about that editing thing of yours." Brooke suggested.

"Sure, I'd love to."

----BL----

Ten minutes later Luke maneuvered her through the mess of suits, collage kids and people with weary looks on their faces (coming down for a coffee break after a night spent in a hospital no doubt), his hand holding hers lightly, fingers intervened (he doesn't seem to be aware of it, it's more of a habit than an intention she supposes but it doesn't stop her from relishing it) and she took a deep breath as they finally made it to the less crowded area, far away from the counter. Soon they were seated at the far back corner booth of Bakers café, waiting for their order to come.

"This place is nice." Lindsay commented, looking around.

"It's decent." Luke agreed.

"It has that small town café kind of vibe."

"Exactly." Brooke agreed.

"Almost like Karen's café, huh?" Luke said.

"Not by a long shot."

"Tree Hill hasn't been the same without it."

"I agree." Brooke said looking at Lucas.

Lindsay looked at the two, trying to think of who they remind her of with this joint look of understanding and matching smiles. And then it came to her. Of her and Ryan. When they first started to date Kelly always said how annoying they were with all that 'lovey dowey coupley looks' but she thought she was imagining it. Now she understood what she meant.

"I've heard a lot about it from Luke but I was never in Tree Hill…" Lindsay said and both Brooke and Luke turned to face her.

"Well it's a lot smaller than this one but it has that homey vibe, you know homemade brownies and coffee…" Brooke said.

"…with this amazing option of spiking it with rum or any other preferred alcohol beverage if you're having a bad day." Luke filled in with a smile.

"Wow, do people actually do that?"

"Oh, yeah. Believe me I've worked there." Brooke said before adding "It was quite entertaining."

Luke nodded in agreement and Lindsay laughed as their drinks finally arrived.

"But thankfully I've moved on from that. Now I…"

"Ah, yes Luke told me that you have your own clothing line, Clothes over bros." Lindsay said, interrupting her "I actually own a gorgeous black dress from your latest collection."

"Really? I hope you haven't paid too much for it."

"I have, but it was worth every cent. It's gorgeous."

"I see you two are perfectly fine without me, so if you two will excuse me I have to go to the bathroom." Luke apologized, standing up.

"Oh, were you feeling neglected?" Lindsay asked jokingly.

Luke rolled his eyes before turning and getting lost in the crowd.

Brooke watched him go before turning back to the table. She stirred her coffee a couple of times with a plastic spoon before speaking up.

"He's been really great, coming here after Vic…" she stopped herself "After my mother got into this car accident. He stayed all night even though I told him he didn't have too."

"Yeah well that's Luke for you."

"I guess." she agreed "He's such a supportive friend. I'm sure he'd do this for everyone." Brooke said.

Lindsay shook her head "I don't think s…"

"So, as much as I gathered, you two used to date?" Brooke interrupted her.

"Yeah."

"What happened…if you don't mind me asking?"

"No, no…I don't. Actually I think you should know."

Brooke looked at her strangely, putting her coffee down as Lindsay started to tell her the story…

_It was one of those cold, gloomy nights when the sky outside was so dark and the clouds so low it seemed they would swallow the whole city. A perfect time for a night in with Chinese and a night in, they both agreed. _

_The half empty boxes of food were scattered around the table, chopsticks lying on the wooden surface leaving sushi stains all over it but it didn't bother her at all, they'd clean it up later. Her feet were sprawled on the said table as she sat on the couch, with her reading glasses and a pen in hand. _

_He was sitting on the floor, feet crossed, eating something from the small white box and watching her chew that pencil nervously, trying not to laugh. If you ignored the whole reason why she was doing it, it was kinda cute._

_She could feel his eyes on her and on any other day she would let it slide, but that night she was a nervous wreck and his relaxed, smiling face didn't help one bit. So she had no choice but to look up "Stop doing that."_

"_I'm not doing anything."_

"_You're staring at me." she said, looking at him from behind her glasses.  
_

"_It's not my fault you look so adorable when you're on the edge of a nervous breakdown." he said._

"_You're not helping." she said, turning back to the paper lying in her lap. _

"_Want an egg roll?" he offered._

_She looked at him, taking of her glasses "Luke…" _

"_C'mon, take a break. There's plenty of time to finish that speech."_

"_No there isn't. It has to be done by tomorrow." she said, emphasizing the last word and then sighed "God, why couldn't they pick someone else for this?"_

"_Because you're an amazing editor and you deserve to speak at the …"_

"_I'm not that good." she cut in._

"_Yeah, you are." he assured her and then "If you want to I can help you out with it."_

"_Luke, you can't …"_

"_No, really, it'll be fun. Remember when I helped you out with that speech for your pres…" the words were out of his mouth before he realized it. He stopped, suddenly too quiet but knew the damage is already done._

"_You never helped me out with any speech before." Lindsay said looking at him, at his suddenly serious face with confusion in her eyes before she said "Oh." and he knew she had it all figured out._

"_Lindsay…" he started._

"_Yeah, this is about Brooke, isn't it?"_

"_No, I… It was an honest mistake. Let's just move on."_

"_Yeah like you moved on last week when I asked you to edit that chapter of your book. You know the one about some redheaded girl." she said raising her voice._

"_You wanted me to delete an entire passage of the text!" he almost yelled._

"_It wasn't an entire passage…" she corrected him "It was like five sentences that were completely unnecessary."_

"_I didn't think they were unnecessary and besides that had nothing to do with Brooke but with my book."_

"_And it was just a what, unfortunate coincidence that the chapter about her was the only one you didn't want to shorten or alter at all?"_

"_Because I found the part you wanted to delete relevant for the story."_

"_But you had no problem with shortening chapter six by an entire page."_

"_It wasn't important."_

"_Right. Whatever you say. I'm just so sick of all our fights always revolving around that girl!"_

"_We aren't fighting." he said louder than he intended._

_Lindsay gave him the look._

"_Well, you started it." he said childishly "And Brooke is a person I happen to have a past with, nothing else. She's at the other end of the country for God's sake!" he exclaimed._

"_Yes she is. And doesn't that bother you just a little?" she asked, her voice sounding a lot like defeat._

_He looked at her silently, and then she turned around dropping her papers on the couch and said "I'm going to stay at Kate's for the night."_

_He was left standing alone in the middle of their living room as she slammed the door of the bedroom just a little too hard._

"And that's where our story ended I guess." Lindsay finished, taking a breath.

And where ours began, Brooke thought to herself but didn't say out loud.

Brooke remained seated in her chair, watching her opponent (until five minutes ago) carefully, wanting to laugh at how stupid she's been, how blind. She allowed herself to think about her mother and about one valuable lesson she's taught her – life was short, it can change so fast, taking the ground bellow your feet away. And even now she was wasting it on petty fights, jealousy and worrying about what other people would say.

Lindsay spotted Lucas coming back to their table "As I was trying to say, he wouldn't do that for everyone."

Luke smiled at Brooke before sitting down to join them "I guess you're right." Brooke agreed.

"What are you two talking about?" he asked.

"You." Lindsay retorted with a smile.

Lucas looked at both girls, raising an eyebrow questioningly "What about me?"

"Oh, nothing important." Lindsay said nonchalantly.

"Right." he said slowly, not believing them at all.

"Drink your coffee." Brooke said, looking away, his intense gaze making her nervous. Lindsay smiled.

Yep, definitely just like Ryan and her.

----BL----


	12. You hold on to what you feel is true

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.

**Pairing:** BL

**----**

**Chapter 12: ****You hold on to what you feel is true**

_t__here's nothing else to do  
what's done is done  
you hold on to what you feel is true  
and now it's killing you...  
__  
_----BL----

Ever since his days in high school and his admission to the basketball team (his invitation card to the 'popular card' of sorts), Lucas didn't spend a lot of time alone, mostly by accident and partially by choice. He was always in some kind of relationship and the time he spent single could be counted in days, if weeks. So it was not an assumption but a fact that he was a type of guy who was fairly comfortable in woman's company, whether a person in question was a friend or a girlfriend. But somehow, when it came to Brooke Davis all those rules didn't seem to apply. It wasn't that she made him uncomfortable or anything like that but there was just a different kind of feel to it, hanging out with her. Somehow, her mood had a way of rubbing off of him. And that's why today he felt like smiling for the first time in so long. Because she was smiling too at some stupid joke he made and he was sure this was the first time since the accident that she was relaxed enough to laugh at something so innocent, just letting herself be, without that feeling of guilt there, giving him the glimpse of a girl he fell in love with.

After the modest breakfast she ate at that café she looked a lot less pale and much more upbeat, her steps feeling much more confident and at ease, less automatic than before. Her eyes didn't look as dull with the sun reflecting in the bright hazel green, those dark eyelashes standing out in contrast.

"It really does feel good." she confessed, interrupting his particular train of thoughts.

"What?" he asked.

"To laugh. Especially here, in New York… I didn't do that often since college, that's for sure. Unless if it was for paparazzi that is, but that doesn't count." she retorted "So yeah, it feels good but also kind of wrong, I dunno…"

"You shouldn't feel guilty just because Victoria can't see anything but herself. You know I'm right." he said, wishing he could do more to prove his point to her.

"I know. And I'm getting there. Slowly." she said.

"I'm glad." he said with a smile "And you should do it more often…laugh I mean." he said and there was a brief silence before he added "It suits you."

She rewarded him with a small smile before looking down at her hands.

"You know, Lindsay's a great girl." Brooke said, changing the subject as she felt her cheeks heat up.

"That's what they say." he joked.

"Although she doesn't seem like your type."

"Why's that? he asked, curious "Too good looking?"

"Too mature." she said before elaborating "She just seems like she has it all figured out at twenty five."

"Yeah, she kind of does." he admitted "Especially since she got rid of my sorry ass." he said, only half joking and she laughed. "But then again, where's the fun in that?"

"Yes. It's much better to have a life that can be compared to a train wreck or any other disaster of your choice." she said, not sure if she meant it as a joke or just describing her own life, which was kind of the same.

"We're still young, Brooke. At this age no one has their life figured out."

She gave him the look and he laughed.

"Except Lindsay that is." he said with a slight curve of his lips.

"And Nathan and Haley." she pitched in helpfully, dimples showing.

"That's not fair." he said "And it's not like they…" he paused as they neared the traffic light.

They walked down the sidewalk and stopped to cross the street before resuming their pace. He was a fast walker but she didn't have trouble catching up, while talking animatedly at the same time. It was quite impressive for him to see her in her own element, the years spent in New York showing in her every gesture and Lucas didn't really say much, letting her take the lead, enjoying his role as an observer much more. It was his default mode really as a writer.

But he must be getting rusty with that also because he didn't even notice when she suddenly became silent.

And it took him some time to realize that he was alone, that she wasn't walking beside him anymore. He turned to see her standing a few short feet away, unmoving. She took her time, observing the large building in front of them as if she was seeing it for the first time, unsure what to do.

"Brooke?"

She blinked a few times before looking up at him "Hm?"

"Did you forget something?" he asked, already turning to go with her back to the restaurant. She must've left her cell phone or something there.

"No." she retorted "I just don't feel like going inside." '_It's a beautiful day outside, why ruin it?'_ she thought, her bitter side getting the best of her.

Knowing Lucas she expected him to object, to say something to make her change her mind so when he said "Okay." agreeing with her she was rendered speechless.

He looked at her casually and with such ease and no judgment at all, like it was completely alright not to go and see your sick mother in the hospital, when he said "So what do you wanna do now?"

"I don't know, stare at the sky, sit on that wet bench over there…crawl in my bad under the soft cowers and hide, or maybe go to Las Vegas or L.A., or make out…" she stopped suddenly as Luke's cheeks slowly turned into a bright shade of red "Okay that last one totally slipped away, but you get the point."

"I believe I do." he said, proud of himself for remaining so composed.

"Good. So what do you think? L.A. or Vegas?"

"As tempting as that sounds I'll have to pass." he said deflating her good mood.

"Yeah, I agree. Vegas is so cliché. But I hear San Francisco is amazing during summer time." she said suggestively.

"What about New York?"

"I'm not so fond of that one." she said with a frown.

"It's the capital of the world. You can't top that."

She remained silent for a second before answering "But it has one big flaw."

"What's that?"

She gestured towards the hospital with her hand and Luke nodded.

"Well, than I guess we'll have to work on that one."

"Believe me I've tried. Many times." she pointed out, thinking of all the times she tried to reason with her mother but failed miserably. Talking to Victoria was like talking to a tall brick wall.

"Maybe… but this time you have one advantage."

"I do?"

"Of course." he retorted confidently.

"And what would that be?" she asked.

"Yours truly." he said with a grin.

"I see." she said matching his grin.

"Brooke, listen, I think you should go in there and talk to her and if she refuses to see you that's fine… because you know you tried. If she's ready to lose a daughter like you than she's not as smart as I thought she was."

She stared at him for a moment, contemplating his words "And what if I'm not ready to lose her, knowing I'm partially to blame?"

Luke sighed "How many times do I have to repeat that what happened wasn't your fault for it to get into that pretty head of yours?"

"A couple of hounded times at least." she answered honestly.

"Alright then. It wasn't your fault, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't your fault…"

"Luke!" she yelled, exasperated and a little impressed he was actually willing to do it just so he could convince her into something she knew was the truth but still didn't make it any easier to not feel guilty about.

"What?" he said, finally stopping. God she looked adorable with that smile on her face.

"I believe you." she said quietly, meaning it.

"Really? Because I can go on." he said, smirking.

"You don't have to." she said "But it would be interesting to see how long it would take you to say it."

He laughed before saying "So… ready to go in and face the infamous Victoria Davis?"

"Victoria Dorothy Davis." Brooke corrected.

"Dorothy? Are you seriously scared of the woman with a name like Dorothy?" Luke asked with a smile.

She smiled at him, standing up.

"Here goes nothing." she said with a sigh.

They walked inside hand in hand, so guess it wasn't nothing after all.

----BL----

Not even a minute after they walked out of the elevator and on their floor of the hospital Brooke's phone started to ring and she read the Caller ID to see who it was. The name Peyton Sawyer flashed in plain black letters against the white surface and she smiled.

"I should…" she said and he nodded in agreement as Brooke moved to the side, trying to find some quiet corner where she could talk in peace.

Lucas proceeded to the waiting room but then suddenly stopped a few short steps from his destination, turning left towards the area where the rooms were. He glanced once again in the direction where Brooke was and after seeing she was still engaged in the conversation he proceeded to walk down the long hallway.

It was time to meet the infamous Victoria Davis.

----BL----

He opened the door slowly, preparing himself for the sight that awaited him on the other side. All those stories and words he heard about her mixed together, a distorted image of a tall, strong woman with determined eyes and posture coming to his mind, making him hesitate for a second. And then it was replaced by the image of Brooke in his arms, last night, looking so small and fragile, pleading with him to help her and that infinite feeling of helplessness that consumed him, eating away at his very core.

He pushed the door open so violently as if something was actually placed on the other side, keeping him from getting in so he had to use extra force. The sound echoed in the spacey room and the woman on the bed opened her eyes, looking straight at him.

It wasn't what he expected, that was for sure. Brown hair, small frame and strong brown hazel eyes – Brooke in ten years. Looks can be deceiving, he reminded himself and was proven so a few short moments later when she spoke, her words laced with venom "Who are you?"

"Lucas Scott, a friend of Brooke's." he said quickly.

"What happened to Blake?" she asked, straight to the point.

Lucas winced before answering "He had some emergency at work apparently so he left."

"Right." she said "And what are you doing here, I thought they only allowed visitation for _family_ members."

"They do." he agreed "But I don't see a whole lot of that here. In fact the only real family you have is Brooke and you..."

"Look, I've been in an accident and I just want to rest now. I don't have time for a heart to heart with Brooke's latest conquest."

"Well, you better make some because I'm not leaving." he said firmly, the steadiness of his own voice surprising even himself "And Brooke and I are just friends." he clarified.

"I'm sure you are." she said, obviously not believing him, as she set up a little straighter to take a better look at him.

"I don't really care what you believe. I came here to talk about your daughter."

"What about Brooke?" she asked.

"What you said to her…last night was not true."

She smirked, looking at him with a certain dose of amusement "Well, well she sent her little boy toy to defend her. How lovely."

"She doesn't even know I'm here. And if you knew your daughter at all you'd know she's strong enough to defend herself without my help."

She didn't say anything to that.

"However, what you did last night was wrong and low, even for someone like you. I might not know you but I know that was not the way to treat your only daughter."

"I didn't do anything except tell her the truth."

"You mean your version of it." he corrected.

"It doesn't really matter. Why do you even care?"

"Because I don't like to see her hurt. And because that's what friends do. A foreign concept to you, I'm sure." he said, knowing he has crossed the line but it was the only thing he could do to erase those teary hazel eyes from his mind. And he has dealt with numerous rejections and corporate people, CO's of publishing companies while working on his first book that made Victoria's insults sound almost _nice _compared to that.

"Well, she really has you all tied up." she said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow in clear amusement.

Lucas looked at her, perplexed as she continued "Coming in here like a true knight in shining armor… Impressive, I must say."

"Believe me she doesn't need any knight to save her, she does that all by herself. And after meeting you I see why she has to, why she never lets anyone else take care of her." he said, trying to remain calm but feeling his temper raise.

Victoria remained silent and it was obvious his words got to her even though her face remained impassive as she said "Have you thought that maybe it's better that way?" she asked him "This world is not a funhouse and sure, I wasn't a great mother but if all that made her skin thicker and helped her survive in the real world than I don't regret it."

Her words astounded him and he didn't know what to say to that. What could he say? All that sick, twisted logic aside, was there actually a heart there, hiding beneath that tough exterior?

He was interrupted by the sound of the doors opening and he turned to find Brooke standing there, still holding a door knob, looking rather upset.

"Brooke…" he started, trying to think of a decent explanation for this little visit but finding none. "I'm sorry I… just gonna go…" he said lamely, walking up to the door and past Brooke trying not to wince at her piercing gaze.

He barely made it a few steps down the hallway when he heard her call out his name, before following, her heals echoing with the dull noise as they collided with the white tiles. He stopped walking, waiting for her to catch up with him.

"Brooke, I'm sorry for this but I just…" he started, not really sure what he should be apologizing for but drowning under her unforgiving gaze all the same.

"Luke, you had no right to go in there." she said, cutting him off, her eyes hard.

He watched her, her words feeling like an unexpected punch in the gut "You're right, I didn't." he said with resolve "I'm not Blake and I don't have any idea why I even came here at all." he finished, before turning to walk away, the anger blinding him, making it impossible to stay still any longer.

She stayed in her place, unflinching, without saying anything, only intensifying his need to move. He wasn't needed here anymore (Was he ever, the bitter, anger fueled side of him wondered).

The elevator was just a step away when he heard her yell "Wait!" in a small, uncertain voice.

That one word buried him in place, but he didn't turn around knowing that if he did that he'd never have the strength to leave. The beeping sound of the elevator door opening brought him back to reality, inviting him, the feeling of jealousy, anger clouding everything else and all could do was look up and step inside a small confined box, letting the doors close, clicking with a certain dose of finality. It wasn't until she disappeared from his line of sight when that real, physical obstacle stood between them that it all hit him, but it was too late.

When he came down to the lobby he waited there for good ten minutes, the anger deflating, leaving his body so fast he was left with nothing but the emptiness only she could fill. He waited, but she never came.

----BL----


	13. One is the loneliest number

**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything.

**Pairing: **BL always

**Summary:** Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting.

**AN: **First of, I should apologize for not updating but RL was really kicking my ass and the exams weren't that much fun either. But I'm done with school for now so here's to hoping you won't have to wait another month for the next update :) And as always, a big thank you to everyone that reviews this story, you guys keep me going.

**------**

**Chapter 13: One is the loneliest number**

_All I know is to act now and hold on, this one's the real one_

_Just calm down, don't look back, this is what we never had_

_I never felt so alive 'til I saw blue eyes…_

----BL----

She didn't miss him.

That's what she'd said all those years ago (a lifetime ago really) when in reality she missed him too much. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was that she didn't depend on other people, call it a survival instinct or just her reality but she never really relied too much on another person in her life (she never had anyone to rely on most of the time, except maybe Peyton but that didn't turn out all that great either). And then he turned all that around, before she even realized it she found herself needing another person, _aching_ for him. Needles to say the realization scared her like nothing else ever did.

It scared her that maybe she didn't know herself that well, that maybe she wasn't as fierce and independent as she thought and that there was someone who broke her walls and found a way into her heart which also meant that he was the one person in her life that could hurt her more than anyone else.

The logical conclusion she draw from all that, judging by their past was that she had to end it before he'd hurt her again because she could bounce back from that. And they were both leaving for college soon and she'd be moving anyway. Surely, he'd suggest they try a long distance relationship and she'd agree because she loves him and then it would end one night with his phone call and her tears.

She couldn't let that happen, so that night she ended up in his room, trying to look away from his wounded expression and those pleading eyes as she told him that she couldn't do this anymore. Not without losing her heart. So she pushed him away saying she didn't miss him, knowing it was the only way to make him see there was nothing left to fight for.

It was the only thing she could think of saying really. I don't love you seemed like too big of a lie for even her to believe in.

When she left his house and walked outside, the fresh evening air grazing her face she tried to take a breath only to find out she couldn't. Her heart pounded so hard she thought she'd die and not even when the first tears fell down her flushed cheeks did she find any relief. It was the price she paid for one thing she couldn't live without, control. The weeks passed and she learned to breathe through the pain as his eyes somehow stopped trying to find hers in the hallway, as her heart finally stopped being so damn loud in his vicinity and let her think, let her work. That was the beginning of her career and the end of fear and the possibility of love as well.

But when she heard him talk to Victoria at the hospital yesterday, standing up for her, she could almost feel herself fall for him all over again, even more so than before but the images of the past flooded her mind _("I just want you to know how sorry I am for what I did" "You're just like every other guy…"_) and she yelled and screamed, pushing him away again to save her heart even when she knew it was too late for that anyway. She watched him go, willing herself to let him leave but in the end the heart won the battle over reason and she called out his name.

But it was too late anyway. It always was with them.

Yes, she didn't miss him. That's what she was trying to convince herself now as she went through the papers in her office. What was another lie in the sea of others? Nothing but a drop of salty water like the one that found her way down her cheek ending its journey with a splash on her brand new designs.

"Damn it." she swore as she wiped the sketches.

Victoria was released from the hospital yesterday, with nothing more than a prescription for some pain meds and a recommendation of bed rest. Needles to say Brooke has offered her to stay at her place because apparently she wasn't miserable enough as it was. Nothing like Victoria to make your day at home better, if by better you meant 'being annoying, demanding, make you want to stick a handful of nails in your eyes rather than listen to her utter another word'. Although, for a while she was willing to listen to all her crazy demands and bring her newspapers, coffee, clothes from her apartment at 2 am and whatnot because it proved to be a good escape route. She didn't have time to think about …_things_ if she was busy being pissed at mommy dearest. But even she had her limits.

And that's why she was sitting in her office even though she was still officially on vacation, avoiding Victoria like plague, acting like a five year old who was playing hide and seek with her parents. It's never too late to make up for the lost childhood memories, one way or the other, she thought bitterly.

After hours of listening to her mother complain and feeling cornered in her own apartment Brooke was blessed with silence. She breathed a sigh of relief, stretching out her legs, letting go of the sketch pad, the pencil rolling off from her hand and onto the floor as she leaned her head on the leather chair, closing her eyes.

It's been a while since she actually slept but she couldn't really blame Victoria for that one. Her mind was a bigger mess then a New York fashion week backstage and whenever she tried to get some sleep she was faced with that mess that kept her up until the wee morning hours when she'd finally fall asleep overwhelmed with exhaustion.

Her phone rang, making her jump in her chair before going through a mountain of papers and digging it out to answer.

"Hello."

"Brooke, you have a call on line 2."

"I told you not to direct any calls here Millicent. I'm not here remember?"

"I know but…"

"No buts, just tell whoever it is that I'm not here or that I'm on some meeting or you now throwing up my lunch in the bathroom or something."

"But Miss Davis it's Miss Gatina. She says it's an emergency." Millie explained.

"Rachel? Why is she… I'll take the call please."

"Alright."

She heard the beeping sound before the call was transferred and she answered it in a rather annoyed voice. "Hello?"

"Hello? That's all you have to say for yourself?" came an also annoyed response from the other side "Seriously?"

Brooke sighed, becoming impatient "For God's sake it's… " she started before looking up at the clock on the wall "…5 pm." she finished, deflating. Was it only just 5? She was so exhausted and so not in the mood for this conversation.

"Four something here."

"What do you want Rachel? I'm not in the mood."

"Seriously?"

"Will you stop repeating yourself, it's annoying!"

"Well, I'm sorry I'm spoiling your afternoon but I'm sitting here at this stupid place wearing stupid pink."

"So?"

"_Pink_ Brooke. Pale pink, as if I'm some kind of a Paris Hilton wannabe. God, I can't even look at myself." she said "And it's way too sunny for a late afternoon."

Brooke took a breath and leaned back in her chair "Is there some point in this little tirade of yours?"

"You should've been here wearing pink. Not me. I don't do pink." Rachel said seriously.

"Why would I be…" and then it came to her. Haley's renewal. That seemed like million miles away from her, almost a different world. And it was in a way, she thought. God, she hasn't even called to wish Haley good luck or just say hi. Self centered much?

"Yeah." Rachel sighed, breaking the silence.

"Where are you?"

"Some cheesy restaurant by the beach that I knew the name of like an hour ago but I'm pretty sure I'm too drunk to remember that now."

"Rachel!" Brooke said, her voice raising a couple of octaves. She was certain she raised a couple of eyebrows i outside her office.

"Seriously these cutesy purple and blue non alcoholic cocktails are worse than vodka and tequila combined." Rachel said nonchalantly as if she hasn't almost given her a heart attack.

"For a moment there I thought I'd have to get to Tree Hill and drag your ass to yet another rehab clinic." Brooke joked.

"You'd really come here? Okay then I am drunk. Like 'can't stand on my Manolo's drunk."

"Funny. Where is Haley?"

"Dancing with Nathan at sunset. Believe me it's much cheesier than it sounds."

"Good." Brooke said, glad that her friends are at least having find.

"Easy for you to say. You aren't the one that has to put up with the front row view. Sober." Rachel said and Brooke could practically see her roll her eyes.

"You're just jealous." Brooke stated.

Instead of an answer she was met with silence, before Rachel said "What if I am?"

"I'd be to, if I were there." Brooke confessed, looking around her office, the sudden chill that run down her back making her want to turn up the air condition. The place looked too cold, pale white drapes, dark cabinet, a table bursting with papers, no personal pictures, not even a damn plant. She planned to decorate it but never could find time to do it. Was she really so busy that she didn't even have time to buy a damn cactus?

She opened the last drawer of her desk and pulled out a pretty dark red scrapbook she made as a present for Haley and Nathan. Careful not to drop the phone she opened the book, skimming through pages until she found what she was looking for. It was an old picture, the only one she had of the whole group together. It was taken, ironically enough, in front of Rachel's' cabin, right before they left. She pulled it out and placed it on the desk, the books at the edge of the table serving as support.

Her lips turned up in a satisfied grin.

"But don't you already have that?"Rachel asked bringing her back from her dreamland.

"How could I possibly…"

"Oh c'mon pretty boy here has been sitting at that table looking like someone just burned his Gilmore Girls DVD's, all seasons. And we've all been instructed not to mention you in any context in his presence. I think he's missing his favorite dance partner. And a haircut, but that's a whole different story."

Brooke was silent.

"What happened in New York Brooke?"

"It's complicated." Brooke said, not really sure that covered it. But it was the closest word to describing the tangled web they were in.

She heard Rachel sigh in frustration, trying to keep her voice down.

"And when was love ever easy?" Rachel asked with a dry laugh "Because if it was I'd be married by now. I mean I'm totally hot and rich and…single. Really, how can that even be possible?"

"Because all men are pigs?" Brooke said sarcastically.

"Okay I'll give you that. But every once in a while you come by a decent one."

Now it was Brooke's turn to sigh. She knew who Rachel was talking about and the problem was that she kind of had a point. "I guess you're right but with Luke and me it's just so damn…"

"…complicated, I know." Rachel repeated her own words and Brooke could practically see her rolling her eyes at the other end "I'm sorry to burst your bubble but it kind of always is. As someone wise once said, they don't write songs about then one that come easy."

Brooke sat up in her chair, letting go of the phone cord she's been nervously playing with for the last five minutes "I tried Rach, I really did…Wait, did you just quote Veronica Mars?"

"That's not what…And I quoted Logan."

Brooke laughed "And that's different because…"

"He was hot and rich and… There was a point I was trying to make and you completely ruined it now! And we were talking about you and Lucas, not…"

"No we weren't." Brooke interrupted her "There's nothing to say there anyways. As I already told you, I tried and just…but guess it just wasn't destined to be."

"Oh, you wanna talk about destiny... Let me tell you a little story then. It's sort of supposed to be a secret but it's like five years old so I'd say it's way past its expiration date." she said, pausing "Okay so like a million years ago your little boy toy and I ended up at Rivercourt and we played this little game…"

"Rachel!"

"Not _that_ sort of game. Anyway he kept talking about you on and on the whole freakin' evening and how you are the one for him until I got bored with it and decided to blindfold him…"

"Rachel!" Brooke shrieked, interrupting her yet again.

"Will you let me finish! And keep your mind out of the gutter Davis."

Brooke snorted "You're the one to talk."

Rachel cleared her throat "So as I said I blindfolded him and let him shoot the basket, if it goes in then you really are the one and if he doesn't… Well there's always Peyton."

"You slut, how could you…"

"Hey, don't get all twisted up about it, he made the shot. What are the chances of that ever happening, huh?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"Hey, I never joke about retail sales, money or your love life. Mine on the other hand… Well that's kind of a joke all by itself."

Brooke smiled.

"So what do you say, because if that's not destiny I dunno what is."

"Yeah…" Brooke sighed, not sure what to make of this piece of information. Why is it that she had no problem believing it was destiny that was keeping them apart but she was all suspicious when it was the other way around? Maybe because things like that never happened to her. "Okay maybe you're right but still it's so complicated and I tried to…"

"If you really tried you'd be here right now." Rachel said simply, cutting her of.

"What does that hav…"

"Am I gonna have to sit through another four hour plane ride because of you? Because if I am, you're paying me the ticket this time." Rachel said seriously.

Brooke groaned, turning in her chair for a full circle as her eyes landed on a picture on the desk, her own smiling face staring back at her. Right next to her, with his arm around her back was Lucas. "No…no you won't." she finally said.

"Good." Rachel said, her lips curving into a smile "Good."

"And when did you become so damn insightful anyways?"

"Must be from all those bubbles in my Coke." she said with unmistaken sarcasm.

"That's not too bad."

"I'm sure Jamie would agree with you on that one. But you know, he's only five so what the hell does he know?"

"I see that all that soda isn't that good for you after all. You should stick to the pink cocktails."

"And this is what I get for trying to help a friend."

"Sorry, it must be my late afternoon martini doing the talking."

"Hallo, recovering alcoholic on the line here." Rachel reminded her and Brooke couldn't help but laugh. It was just like her friend to make her laugh when all she wanted to do was cry just five minutes ago.

"Sorry, I'll make it up to you, I promise. I'm thinking next week, you and me and the 5th Avenue boutiques, a guaranteed cure for the pink dress trauma. After Hermes and Tiffani's you won't even remember you wore that ugly thing. But don't say Haley I said that."

"Add Gucci to that and you have a deal."

"That's already applied, you don't think I can actually leave the fifth without at least one pair of those new Christian Louboutin sandals." Brooke half joked "But really, thank you for calling."

"For new CL sandals and maybe a bag? Anytime."

----BL----

The first time she met him she was sixteen and her car had just broken down, leaving her stranded at a dusty road on a hot summer afternoon. He came to help her out, a true savior of a damsel in distress. He had it all, charm combined with skill, she thought as she watched him fix her car. He left not soon after and she thought she'd never see him again only to be proven wrong by many encounters and years that followed.

That was a lie actually. She and Lucas met a little later, in a way far less romantic. But there were worse things than meeting the love of your life in the back seat of a car. Things like feeling it slip through your fingers like soft grains of sand and not doing anything to stop it.

The whole car story was the way he and Peyton met. She wished it was their story though. It was so sweet and perfect, like a movie script beginning of a love story, the one that ended with a happy ending and the two of them riding of into the sunset. The road she was driving down was sprinkled with heavy droplets of rain falling down so quickly she had problems seeing anything but her damp, blurry windshield. And there was no prince charming sitting beside her, just her and the soft melancholy sound of Damian Rice's Prague. The irony wasn't lost on her.

Music was never her forte, love even less so. It was the one road that she rarely walked down, the road that, in her case, always led to pain. And here she was now, a willing traveler down that exact road hoping for a different ending, for a little sun after all this rain, for a hand on her shoulder and soft eyes asking her to stay, offering a shelter from the storm that was her life.

For the second time in barely a week span she wasn't sure what she was doing or where she was going. Okay, she had a vogue idea about the where but the what was still a blur. But she was certain at what she wasn't doing anymore, spending another minute in that cold office hiding from the world, from herself, from life.

And really, driving to the airport in the middle of a rain storm to catch a plane to some middle of nowhere town was kind of romantic, if you really liked that kind of thing. Would that make Lucas a damsel in distress than?

She laughed at the thought as she passed the sign, JFK airport 3 miles.

----BL----

A couple of hours and a plane ride later she was back to the beginning, too exhausted for anything more but a short walk to the restaurant, a walk that turned into the longest two miles of her life, time moving slower than her tired feet as they led her in the direction of the beach and a small, lit up establishment. Determination melted away the fear and she pushed the door open and went in, holding the scrapbook for Naley in one hand tightly, blinking a few times as her eyes got used to the light after minutes of nothing but moonlight and occasional streetlamp.

The only people that awaited her there were a couple of waiters, cleaning up the tables, taking away empty champagne glasses and empty wine bottles and she sighed in disappointment. She was too late. Her almost panic attack and all the nervousness was for no reason. Or maybe she just had the wrong address or something.

She came closer to the counter asking the waitress behind the counter "Was there a reception held here?"

"Yes madam. It ended awhile ago though."

"Of course it did." she said, the words floating in the air. She was not willing to let this go, not yet but maybe this was destiny's way of saying it's over, a way of telling her to let it go.

Her eyes scanned the small place, taking it all in, contemplating whether or not to go to his house. One of the waiters was cleaning up a table near the windows, picking up a forgotten camera and a few Polaroid pictures lying on the creamy tablecloth and she stepped in, stopping him "I'll take those."

The dark haired waiter gave her a look and she smiled at his suspiciousness "I know the couple that organized the whole party. I'm the godmother to their son actually." she explained "So I'll give those to them." she said, thinking that this trip wasn't so lost after all. If nothing else, she might have just found a picture for her desk. Or two, she thought as she flipped through the Polaroid's, mostly the ones with Naley and a few of the whole gang together. A smile appeared on her lips as she stopped at the picture of Jamie and Luke making goofy faces at the camera.

Luke would make a wonderful dad someday. But they'd make goofy parents. Thank God that Luke has that more serious side because if it came down to her their children wouldn't stand a chance, she'd spoil 'em rotten. The girl at least and Luke would take the boys to basketball games and try to play it cool when sees his son hit his first basket or get a first A in school or…

"The blond five year old?" the waiter asked, startling her.

"Yeah." she confirmed, looking a little distracted.

"He seems like a great kid. Spend the whole evening playing with some basketball, almost broke two glasses because of it."

"A present from his uncle." she filled in.

They actually agreed it was a joint present (Luke's suggestion), since she forgot to get Jamie something. Luke made a big deal about it while she proceeded to laugh at him and the way he looked as he animatedly tried to explain to her who LeBron James was and how happy Jamie will be when he shows him a ball signed by his favorite basketball player (beside his dad, of course). And then he laughed at her lack of knowledge about basketball. But when she started throwing names like Christian Louboutin, Jimmy Choos, Tom Ford at him, he agreed she had a point and that they should both stick to the things they were good at. The whole argument ended with him taking her out for a cup of coffee so he could explain to her who Cleveland Cavaliers were just in case Jamie asks her after they give him his present. After an hour of listening about 'King James' all she remembered were his animated eyes and the smell of his after shave and his hand accidentally touching hers as they both reached for sugar at the same time. That, in her book, was an afternoon well spent.

The guy nodded "Yeah, Lucas something and the aunt…"

"Lucas Scott."

"Yes, Lucas and Brooke. He seemed really close to the two." the waiter said.

Brooke stood there in complete shock, staring at the man in disbelief as he looked at her worriedly. She didn't expect Luke saying that the ball was also a present from her to Jamie, not after how they left things, but in the end, it was so like him to tug at her heart even when she wants to be mad at him.

"Are you alright Miss?" he asks her "Do you know this Brooke?"

She laughed, shoulders visibly relaxing, before she offered a hand "Brooke Davis, nice to meet you."

"Connor Stevens." he introduced himself with a smile, eyebrow raising ever so slightly "So then Lucas is your husband? Looks like a great guy." he says nonchalantly "But did you guys had a fight because…"

"No we're not.." she all but stuttered, that's how shocked she was when he interrupted her to finish what he was trying to say.

"…because he's been here at that balcony alone for the…"

"Brooke." she heard someone say and she turned to look at him and didn't even notice when Connor walked away, giving them some privacy and then she was stuck in a space where she only existed because he was there to catch her. There were things she planned on telling him, not all so kind but they failed her as she stared at the figure so unlike the one she saw just twenty four hours ago. It was still him but there was something about him standing there, something she saw when she looked at herself in the mirror this morning, like there was something missing.

He was dressed in a suit, black with a while shirt, untucked and a little rumpled. A pale bluish tie was hanging loosely around his neck only adding up to his rumpled look. The weariness was the first word that she thought of as he lifted his chin up to look at her, his eyes looking so dark with only the glint of blue at the edges.

"Lucas." she said, all other words failing her as she was faced with him, relaxing a bit, thinking it's a good start, nothing like the name calling and yelling she imagined would be involved once they met but somehow it all went downhill from there all the same.

----BL----

**AN**: Yeah, I know not a whole lot BL in this chapter but the next chapter is all about the best couple ever :) so hope I really hope you'll like it. Also, I'm planning to wrap this up in the next couple of chapters (I'm thinking 15 chapters) And as always, I'd love to hear what you guys think and all your ideas, suggestions are more than welcome. Thank you for reading.


	14. Not so epic, or?

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**Pairing: **BL

**Summary:** Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting.

**AN: **I rewrote this chapter three times and I'm still not quite happy about it, but I hope you guys like it. And also this quote is the reason that this story exists in the first place because I always liked it and I always wanted to write something about it. Plus that is one of my all time favorite Brucas scenes.

-----

_Brooke: The part about taking chances and believing in the possibility, even when life has given you __every__ reason not to __believe__…  
_

_Lucas: That's what's so great about weddings; you know, two people come together… and even if it's just for one night, they make us believe again._

**-----**

**Chapter 14: Not so epic or?**

All the restaurant employees have disappeared somewhere, the tables abandoned and they were still standing in silence, the one that neither was willing to break first. He almost wished she was still in New York because the distance that separated them now was far greater than two thousand miles.

His hands were safely tucked into his pants pockets and that was probably the only thing stopping him from reaching out to her, the tips of his hand practically screaming just to touch that porcelain skin, get tangled up in those curls.

He was watching her standing there in nothing but jeans and a soft hoodie and he was taken aback by how tiny she looked. As ridiculous as it sounded, he often had a tendency to forget about that since she had an obvious love affair with five inch heels and an attitude that made her look taller than she actually was.

He couldn't not to think how weird this was, the two of them standing close, no door between them, because she's kind of made it a habit to slam them in his face whenever she was mad at him. Kinda like she was now, he guessed by the look in her eyes.

Thinking that nothing could be worse than this 'silent treatment' he finally spoke "I'm sorry about yesterday, I had no right…"

"Yes…"

"And I may have been a little out of line…"

She didn't say anything for a long time, just taking it all in before saying in a barely audible voice, trying hard not to roll her eyes "That's mildly putting it."

"I know." he sighed "But as your friend I just had to…"

"My friend…" she repeated with a snicker and he was certain that the sarcasm there was all intentional.

"Yes, your friend." he said.

"Is that all…" she stopped suddenly, for a moment finding it hard to speak "You know what, it doesn't really matter now." she said shaking her head, moving away from him and towards the door "I can't be your friend Luke."

"Why not?" he questioned her.

"Because…"

"That's not a reason." he cut her off.

"You wouldn't understand." she said, barely able to look at him.

"Then explain it to me." he said as if it really was that easy.

She turned away "Luke…"

"Why can't we be friends Brooke?" he asked her again, when in reality he already knew the answer. Even if she could he knew he really couldn't be just that to her, not when… But right now he'd satisfy with even that if it meant she'd be there, in his life. So he pressed and she answered.

"Because…because I love you!" she said a lot louder than she initially intended, hands risen up in frustration. It took her awhile to realize she'd actually said those words out loud, Luke's confused look giving it away and she wished she hasn't. He watched her, floored by her confession and with a sigh she turned and walked in the direction of the door, passing by the tables, thinking how Luke was the only person she'd ever said those words to and feeling even more foolish because she was certain he'd said the same thing to at least two more girls (she was sure of it in fact).

Damn her and her blabbering mouth.

She kept walking until he grabbed her hand just a few short steps from the exit, making her stop and turn around but she refused to really look at him.

He looked through the windows and than back at her.

"It's pouring outside." he informed her.

"I don't mind." she said, turning back and making him let her go.

He sighed but quickly followed her "Brooke, you can't… where's your car?"

"I don't have one. But I can walk." she said, ever so stubbornly before coming to the window and seeing the rain outside. It was definitely pouring.

"We should wait it out. I'm sure it'll stop soon." he suggested.

"Where's your car?" she asked, anything to get out of this place.

"At my house." he retorted and she stopped herself before saying a few not so PG 13 rated words.

Instead she just rolled her eyes, before turning back, her shoulders sinking in defeat "Great, just great."

----BL----

They were sitting at one of the tables by the window and he observed her as she played impatiently with some book she carried with her, occasionally looking up to see if the rain was letting up outside. Sadly, it hasn't for the last ten minutes but somehow he didn't feel all that upset about it. But by the look on her face he was certain she did.

He on the other hand, was too busy watching her, tracing the outline of her jaw with his eyes, the way her delicate fingers toyed with the papers in her hand, the dark red nail polish contrasting with her pale skin. It was too quiet, the soft bluesy sound coming of the speakers soothing his frayed nerved almost as much as the sight in front of him. He just couldn't look away, looking like a teenage boy at his first dance, enchanted with a girl with soft curls and the bright hazel eyes that barely spared him a glance.

She's always been a complicated girl, a little lost, a little messy but always a puzzle he yearned to discover. There were so many layers there he feared he'd never have enough time to untangle them all. And now, thanks to the rain, maybe he got an undeserved chance to take a peak.

"Do you think Haley and Nate are already asleep?" she asked abruptly, raising those thick, long eyelashes to uncover the pools of hazel green that made him blink a couple of times before he could focus on her question.

He cleared his throat, snapping out of his little reverie "Why?"

"Maybe we could call them to come pick us up?" she explained, looking uncomfortable in her own skin and he really couldn't blame her for that. The tension between them was more than palpable.

"How about we wait for half an hour and if it doesn't let up we'll disturb the newlyweds?" he asked, praying for her to agree.

She pondered over his proposal, looking outside and then back at those bright blue eyes.

"Fine." she finally agreed, still refusing to look at him.

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and said "How about we call a temporary truce and make this a little less awkward?"

After that, she finally turned to look at him and he sat under her scrutiny, feeling a little awkward himself until he saw her features soften, her shoulders relaxing a little "Sorry I was such a bitch yesterday."

"It's not y…"

"I'm not saying what you did was alright but I wasn't right to do what I did either." she interrupted him.

"Fair enough." he stated simply.

"I told you Victoria always gets the best of me." she said, her lips curving into a smile as she looked up.

"Yeah, I know what you mean, I've been there a few times myself."

She looked at him with confusion before she said "Oh, I completely forgot about Dan."

"But judging from my rather short time I spent with your mom, I'd say Victoria would even impress him."

She let out a laugh "But seriously, I'm sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't have let Victoria get to me and you were just defending me...which was nice of you to do, by the way."

"It's nothing really." he shrugged "I'm sure you'd do the same for me."

And more, she thought but didn't say. "I dunno. Dan is kinda scary. I'm not sure standing up to him would be a good idea."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do." she retorted "You are my friend after all." she added and he noticed the change in her demeanor but didn't say anything. She looked away again, watching the rain blur the big glass windows letting the silence fill the space between them.

He sighed, glancing around the room, taking in the decorations, the flowers, the empty tables and the now abandoned dance floor, remembering his brother and best friends and how in love they looked as they glided down that dance floor even after all the years only to find her again.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he asked, clearing his throat "I don't know if you remember but that day at Keith's wedding I told you something about weddings…" he paused, waiting for her to face him "…how it's the one day when two people come together and make us believe again…you know, that it's possible. That love might actually be the point after all and that it does happen." he watched her as she tried to remember the day "But what I haven't told you then is that it was on that afternoon that you made me believe that real love wasn't just some myth. And looking at you then, hearing you say those things… it was the first time I thought, huh this could be the real deal." he said.

She was taken aback by his confession and sunned into silence.

He stepped in quickly "I know that was a long time ago but do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Think it's possible? Or were Nate and Hales an exception?"

It was a simple question and yet she didn't know what to say to him. Did she? Then she looked at him, thinking of all the laughter and the tears, secret tattoos and kisses and feelings that were still there despite the years that went by. She thought about the disappointments and surprises, him being there for her even when she tried to push him away, the letters and the confessions. Words she never shared with anyone but him, her secret hopes and dreams. He knew her when she was happy and when she was a crying mess and she didn't feel embarrassed about it. Actually it was kind of nice to have someone to rely on when things got rough not just someone who was there when she was bright and cheery. So did she? Without a doubt in her mind she knew that the answer was "Yes."

He nodded. "I'm glad you do." And he was. Even if they may not be meant to be he was glad she still believed in love, that it could happen, that he hasn't destroyed her faith because that was the one thing he wouldn't be able to forgive himself for.

"Well… I have a secret of my own to fess up on. Sort of. I came back to Tree Hill twice and both times it was for you." she said, all matter-of-factly and he didn't know what to make of it. It was sort of random of her to admit that but to him it seemed that tonight there was this unspoken agreement between them to say everything they avoided or didn't get a chance to say before. There were years of history between them that they rarely discussed and it was bound to get out once, one way or the other.

There was no turning back now, all the cards were on the table. They were two grown up people now and there was no more time for childish games they always used to play.

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow. I'm impressive like that." she said with a dry laugh.

"No, I just…Really?" he asked and by the look on his face she was sure saying he was surprised would be a huge understatement.

"You know, for someone who graduated with straight A's you really can be clueless sometimes." she said with a smile "At least when it comes to love."

"Judging by my previous relationships I'd say you're right about that." he admitted with a shrug.

"Yeah…" she agreed weakly "It's not all that bad…but…"

"A mild disaster, I'd say." he half joked.

"Okay maybe so…but then again, whose love life isn't?" she said with a smile "I for one haven't had a decent relationship since…well since you." she admitted reluctantly, surprised by her own words. It wasn't exactly news to her, but saying it like this, so openly, it somehow made it more real. And more frightening.

"Wow."

"You're repeating yourself." she noted.

"I don't know what to say." he said with a laugh.

"You don't have to say anything."

"I do." he retorted with a sigh, sitting up a little straighter.

"No it's fine really."

"Brooke…"

"I shouldn't have said anything. It's just that you said how you thought that we were the real…and I just got an impression that…But that was like a million years ago and we're not sixteen anymore, I get that."

She was rambling and he just had to stop her "I still think so."

"Then why don't you…" Why doesn't he what? She wasn't entirely sure but she knew she couldn't play this game of ping pong with him anymore.

"What?"

"Never mind." she shook her head "I should go anyway." she said, standing up, reprising her earlier actions and he came after her.

"Brooke…" he called out, but she was faster and before he knew it she was outside, slamming the door in his face. And there you have it, he thought, but failed to smile at the irony of it all. Instead he walked outside looking for her in the pouring rain.

It was a definite déjà vu. Her quick, angry steps across the wet pavement and him fallowing close behind while the rain fell furiously, making his clothes soaked as soon as he stepped away from the restaurant. But somehow with her it all seemed like one big déjà vu, no matter how far he went, how much time has passed it always came back to her.

And he always failed to say the right thing. Time and time again.

But maybe that was the whole point. Maybe it wasn't about the words but about actions. So he ran after her like his life depended on it.

"Brooke!" he called after her as loud as he could, his voice still barely audible against the roaring sound of rain despite of his effort. She didn't turn.

"Brooke!" he tried again.

"Stop going after me!" she yelled back but continued walking.

"I can't." he retorted shortly.

"Why the hell not?"

"Will you just stop so I can actually talk to you and not your back?"

"No."

"Can you just let me say what I have and then I promise I'll let you go." It was the hardest sentence he ever had to say and it finally made her stop.

She stood there for a second but to him it lasted an eternity and when she turned he let out a breath of relief. Her hair was completely wet, and she pushed it behind her ears letting the rain drops fall on her face, and for a moment his eyes were captured by a single droplet that nested on her lashes before she closed her eyes and it disappeared as she said "What?"

He looked at her, panting, trying to think of what to say. It wasn't like he had time to come up with a decent speech or anything. But the thing was he was fed up with it, with all the speeches and justifications and… This time standing before her was just him and three words he held inside for so long he thought he'd never say them out loud.

"I'm waiting. What did you have to say for yourself?"

Nothing. He had nothing to say except "I love you."

"What did you say?" she asked taking a step forward, her shoes making a squeaking sound that collided with a splashing sound of yet another water puddle she stepped in.

"I love you. That's all."

But it wasn't. It was everything.

"I don't have any speech prepared, or reasons to give you. I just love you…and I don't even know why anymore. I just do." he said feeling miserable with his wet clothes and just so damn tired of it all.

She nodded taking yet another step "It's been years and it should've gone away… I should've forgotten."

"And I haven't seen you in so long and we were just teenagers then for God's sake." he counted on, voicing all the excuses he always told himself with no effect.

"I know! And it was just one relationship in the sea of many. We weren't even all that special, just two crazy kids…"

"…in love."

That made her stop, just a few inches from him. "You make it sound better than it was." she said, surprised at how weak her own voice sounded.

"Well… we did fight a lot and I made quite a few mistakes…" he said making her roll her eyes "…and you broke up with me maybe twice. Or was it three times?"

"Exactly. We're so far away from perfect I can't even begin to explain it." she said dramatically.

"We were not that far." he said "There were some good things to. Like the conversations…"

Her own lips curved up as her eyes fell on his lips "…and the kisses…"

"…and the long walks…" he added.

"…and making out in your car…" she said, biting her lover lip and he smirked.

"…or yours." he finished.

Her breath hitched but she didn't move, the only indication of how much his words affected her were her lips that were now pressed tight into a thin line, her eyes locked with his.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, pulling one hand up and letting it rest on his shirt.

"Doing what?" he asked, not looking away. He was aware of her tiny hand on his chest, and his own hand that moved in to her back to pull her closer.

As he pulled her she almost stammered forward but somehow managed to keep her balance as she felt his warm breath on her own skin. She lifted her eyes to face his, almost scared at the loss of contact as she said "Making me miss you, miss us."

He leaned in, their lips almost touching as he said "I missed you too, pretty girl."

Her whole body went limp in his arms and if it weren't for his hand holding her she was certain she'd be lying on that wet, muddy road by now.

Parting his lips slightly he closed his eyes closing the small distance, waiting for the kiss that never came because she moved away and turned, back on her path to some destination only she knew.

"Brooke!" he called out when he remembered how to speak, getting his breathing under control "Where are you going now?"

She kept going as she replied "To your house."

"Why?" he asked, in a hurry to catch up with her.

"Because I really want to kiss you but I can't because we'll both get pneumonia if we keep standing there in the rain like two idiots." she explained and if he wasn't so shocked he would have laughed.

Before she got a chance to make another step he pulled her by the wrist, turning her around and she stared at him, mouth gaping in surprise, big hazel eyes still and he moved a few wet strands of her hair from her flushed cheek and finally planted his lips on hers, taking in the sweet taste of raindrops on them, mixed with the scent of cherries and lavender in her hair.

For a second, they just stood like that, their lips locked before she finally snapped out of her daze and moved closer, closing her eyes and parting her lips to grant him access, and she could feel his hands on the small of her back and taste his tongue as it mixed with hers and it was all so new and yet so familiar that it made her want to smile but she stopped because she didn't want to break away. The time has passed and the way his tongue was skillfully connecting with hers making her gasp and forget how to breathe (and it had nothing to do with rain) and she remembered it's not such a bad thing, both of them growing up.

It's like he's gained a new sort of confidence, the one that only comes with years and maturing, and all she can feel is his body pressed close to hers in a perfect match and their hitched breaths against the regular sound of raindrops connecting with the dark pavement, making a splash at their feet.

They parted unwillingly when the breathing became the issue and he smiled at her, his eyes trailing a line from her swollen lips to stop at her eyes, his voice dark and low "You know, you really should stop walking out on me."

"And you should stop following me." she bit back with the unavoidable smirk.

"Never." he said and she raised an eyebrow as they shared a mischievous smile.

She laughed then, a rich throaty laugh that resonated through the street, raising her hands up towards the sky and closing her eyes, letting the rain drops caress her burning skin. But the laughter soon turned to a gasp as she felt his wet lips trace a line of kisses down her neck making her shiver (but not from the rain) and she looked down letting him kiss the tip of her nose, before reluctantly pulling away and grabbing his hand. Together they ran down the dark street like two lovestruck teenagers, towards the Burnette Drive and the house at number 1829.

-----BL-----

**AN:** So I'd really love to hear what you guys think. The good, the bad, and the ugly :)


	15. Talk me down

**Pairing**: BL

**Disclaimer**: I don't own OTH or the lyrics by Less Than Jake.

**Summary**: Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting.

**AN:** Okay so this chapter is sort of M-ish so I decided to change the ratings, just in case. Also I'm sort of nervous about this chapter because the things are slowly unwrapping and I hope I did it right.

------

_  
But I would walk 500 miles  
And I would walk 500 more  
To be the man who walked that thousand miles  
To fall down at your door..._

----BL----

**Chapter 15: Talk me down**

There were many things she could say about Lucas Scott (not all that pleasant) but there was one thing she couldn't deny. Everything else aside, he was a gentleman, the old school type of guy. When they used to sat, wrapped in a blanket by a worm fire or just laid on his bed talking, she'd glance at him, tracing a line of his jaw with her eyes only, watching his lips move and those light blue eyes focusing at some unknown spot in the distance. They seemed so much older than he was, like they knew something she didn't, that mysterious glint at the edge of his irises confusing her, reminding her on those actors in old movies she used to watch with her dad when she was little.

In those moments he looked much older than seventeen and sometimes he acted that way too, opening the door for her or pulling out a chair in a restaurant for her to sit. He was just that kind of guy, the one that made you Coldplay or Travis mixtape with a few Billy Joel or Frank Sinatra songs thrown in the mix. Even when she moved away after High school to NYC, whenever she heard 'New York state of mind' it made her flinch and take a shaky breath to erase those blue eyes from her mind.

Knowing all that, it didn't surprise her at all that as soon as they literary ran into his house, completely breathless, he said "I should probably go get you something dry to wear and than you can leave those to dry off." he explained, pointing at her drenched jeans.

"It's not that…" she tried to object taking a step forward only to be interrupted by a squeaky sound of her shoes as she finished lamely "…bad."

"So you're saying your feet aren't currently swimming in there?" he asked, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Well I wouldn't call it swimming, it's more like soaking nicely."

"That's not funny. You could get sick and there is a closet full of my mom's old stuff she surely wouldn't mind borrowing to you." he retorted.

Well she couldn't say no to that so she just nodded instead.

Before she had a time to blink he disappeared down the small hallway leaving her standing there alone, slightly shivering from the cold, or so she preferred to think. It would be ridiculous to be nervous now, but she still regretted not drinking that glass of champagne at the restaurant. It would make this much less awkward and her feet a lot less shaky. Moving her wet hair from the face she shifted miserably on her feet with a loud sigh. She probably looked awful but it was too late to worry about that now so she remained standing there, unable to sit down or move around much at all because she would leave water stains all over the place and ruin some perfectly good furniture.

And then she heard her phone ringing and vibrating inside her jeans pocket and she pulled it out, annoyed and a little shocked it survived the storm. Glancing quickly at the Caller ID she answered it with a curt "Hello?"

"Okay that sounds like your Tree Hill voice. Are you in North Carolina?" came the question from the other side.

"Well hello to you too Rach." she said with a sigh "You're timing is impeccable as always. And my voice does not change depending on my location, that's just ridiculous."

"It does tend to get that annoyed edge and gets sort of raspy." Rachel explained patiently to a her rather annoyed friend.

"You're being…"

"Kinda like that yeah." she said interrupting Brooke.

Brooke sighed "Why are you calling me at this hour?"

"You haven't answered my question B."

"And you haven't answered mine." she countered.

"Your mom called me, having a mental breakdown, again over you buying a plane ticket for Tree Hill." she explained and Brooke sighed again. That woman was just impossible. "So are you here?"

"Yep." she retorted.

"With whom?" Rachel asked.

"No one. Just me." she lied.

"OMG, is Lucas there? Are you two having a hot make up sex?"

"Rachel!"

"You are, aren't you? It's about God damn time." she said before adding "Oh, I'm sooo sorry for interrupting…"

"We are not having…" she stopped to lower her voice "…_sex_. I'm just gonna stay here until tomorrow because it's late to go check into a hotel now."

"Tell that to someone that will believe it because I certainly don't."

"Whatever you say."

"Just you know, use protection and call me in the morning with the details."

"Rachel! I'm hanging up now."

"Have fun you two crazy kids and say hi to pretty boy for m…"

"I'm hanging up. Bye bye." she said, shutting her phone off. Note to self, kill Rachel in the morning.

With nothing else to do she took of her shoes throwing them in the corner by the door. Just as she was about to throw the other one she heard footsteps approaching and she stood up with feigned nonchalance, moving her head to the left to remove a few strands of her wet hair from the face. Okay, maybe she was a little nervous. But as soon as she looked up, all that nervousness disappeared into thin air, replaced by something else that was much stronger and more unsettling.

He was standing a few feet away dressed in a clean pair of jeans and nothing else and for a moment she couldn't think about anything but the way those jeans hugged his hips just the right way (Has he been working out or what?). Her eyes traveled upwards from his muscular stomach to his shoulders that looked a little wider now that before, complete with his hands that were defined by slight muscles that made her gasp. He was all man now, no traces of that boyish look he used to have, except for his hair that was still wet and sticking messily in all possible directions.

"Brooke…" she heard him call out. Did his voice sound a little deeper than usual or was that just her imagination?

"Um…what?" she asked, frozen in place, her cheeks flushed. Since when did B Davis blush?

He smiled, that soft half smile that barely made a sound but still made his lips quirk upwards in that slightly amused way and she felt her knees buckle. "I hope these will do." he said, looking at her. "It's one of my mom's old sweets and a shirt, I hope it's not too big."

She cleared her throat, looking at the clothes he held out for her before taking it "No, it's fine. You know what they say, beggars can't be choosers." she said lightly "Although I'm sure these will dry up soon but…"

"Better safe than sorry." he interrupted her.

"Lucas Scott, always the responsible one." she said, without really thinking and he stopped midway putting his shirt on, raising an eyebrow as he looked at her in a way that made her toes curl.

She looked away, choosing to focus on the calming sound of rain outside rather than him as she felt her heart slamming faster in her ribs, fueled by nothing but his intense stare.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"Nothing… just that you're responsible. Not really a ground breaking news here." she said with a laugh. "Don't tell me you'll deny that?"

"I wouldn't dream of it." he said, grinning. And it was the truth really. He was responsible and sort of nerdy, but he wasn't just that. Brooke Davis was the woman that brought out that other side of him, helped him discover that he was so much more than he thought he was, made him see life was so much more complex and wonderful. Made him grow from a boy to a man.

She could feel his eyes travel up her body before meeting her eyes. Light blue to hazel. Without even knowing it she took a step forward, drawn in by some invisible force and he did the same, reducing the distance between them.

"You know the responsible thing to do would be to take this off." he said gesturing at her wet hoodie and shirt and she's certain that if she had a list of things she was sure Luke would never say this one would take the cake. But they're not teenagers anymore and with the way he's looking at her, putting her insides on fire, she'd not sure she really cares. Maybe she's taught him a thing or two back in the day after all.

But for now, she presses her hand against his chest and meets his eyes "You know what… maybe you're right." she says calmly and watches him stare at her in surprise, matching her raised eyebrow with his own.

His mouth opens as if he's planning on saying something but nothing comes out. Before he gets a chance to close them she moves forward easily closing the gap between them and catching his lower lip with hers. At first he doesn't move and she steps closer, until they're chest to chest, her wet shirt colliding with his bare stomach and he gasps into her mouth, startled back into reality and his lips capture hers easily. For a long time they just stand there enjoying the closeness, kissing, exploring the taste of the other until she starts itching to take of those wet clothes.

He feels her hands reach for her shirt and he stops her, taking her hands into his and moving them upwards slowly, his eyes on hers as he lets go of them and draws a line down all the way to her shoulders making her shiver and pulls her shirt over her head quickly. And then he's pulling her close again as if the short loss of contact lasted much too long and captures her lips with his before tracing a line of hot kisses down her neck, setting it on fire, making her forget that just minutes ago she was cold and freezing on the street. She wants to say something but her words turn into gasps and he kisses her again to quiet her.

"Maybe we shouldn't…do this." she finally manages to say even though she's not sure exactly why (maybe she wants to do it right this time, or maybe she just can't stand looking at him in the morning and hearing him say it was all a mistake) and he stops at once, her words feeling like a cold shower.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well I'm just saying that you are sort of drunk and I'm…easily persuadable."

"I'm sober enough to know what I want. And I want you."

"You say that now but tomorrow morning…"

"I'll be here to tell you the same." he says with more conviction and certainty that every reason not to do this falls short to his stern eyes and the words that resonate in her mind much longer than fear and she kisses him hard.

Her hands find a home in the back of his jeans pockets as he pulls her closer, kissing her so softly but yet so furiously that it's hard to remember to breathe before he turns her earlobe into his playground and she moves them both towards his room because she's not sure she'd be able to stand this much longer. Not without buckling and falling on this hardwood floor, because her limbs are slowly starting to turn into jello and she's certain that if his strong hands weren't wrapped around her body she'd be horizontal by now.

He follows her in a strange dance known only to the two of them and as they stumble into his room on shaky legs, she can almost hear Michael Bolton's 'When a man loves a woman' playing softly in the background.

They stumble over a few books lying on the floor by his bed and he lowers her on the soft surface with the ease that makes her smile and she suppresses a giggle as he traces a line of kisses down her flat stomach all the way up to her collarbone but her face quickly straightens as she feels his tongue on that soft spot on her neck he seems particularly fond of.

Finally he moves up to face her, focusing his attention on her face and she can feel his breath on her flushed cheeks and feel his fingers as they struggle with the button on her new Rock and Republic jeans. She smiles deviously at him, biting her lover lip and turns them around in a quick motion so she's on top now and unbuttons his jeans, breathing heavily.

"You know…" she says, trying to catch a breath "…that whole change of clothes was such a waste of time." she says and they both smile as she helps him get rid of his jeans. They land on the floor by the door without a sound and are joined by hers not much later.

She's left with nothing but her black Victoria Secret underwear and yet she doesn't feel as naked as she feels when his darkened eyes lock with hers, filled with anticipation and desire, watching her as if he really knows her, knows what she's thinking. She moves to kiss him feeling a little insecure under his scrutiny but he stops her, putting a finger to her sort lips.

They stay like that for a long moment, just looking at each other, savoring it all. It's like they've waited for this for so long it's surreal but now there's no rush in their movements because right now they have all the time in the world on their disposal.

He doesn't say that he loves her or that he needs her but his eyes say it all without the unnecessary words and she's so afraid he can see the same in her own eyes but at the same time she hopes that he can. Because she was never good with words, never but actions, she hopes they'll say it all for her. That was more her area anyways. By the way he's touching her she knows he thinks the same.

Just as she thinks she can't hold still any longer he says "You know I do." because he is Lucas Scott and he was never that scared of putting it out there, laying his cards down like she was. She wishes that one day she'll be able to feel the same.

But for now, it's a long way to that so she says "You know what? You're right. Those clothes are a waste of time and space." before she takes one of her bra straps down playfully.

He smiles but lets her remark slide, correcting her quickly and making that smile fade of her face, leaving her breathless but for a different reason all together "You know I love you."

His expression is serious, and when he says the words he doesn't even blink and she kisses him right then and there instead of an answer. He knows what the answer is anyway she's sure. And as much as he'd like to continue this chat he's still just a man and he responds to her kiss easily, pulling her in, tasting blood on his tongue as she bits his lover lip and traces her tongue over his teeth, savoring the minty taste that mixes with strawberry.

"You talk too much Scott." she finally says and smiles against his mouth, dimples showing and he's certain he's done talking for good. His hands struggle, traveling up her back to unclip her black bra before discarding it on the floor, and they move further on the bed, the weight of their bodies making the mattress sink a little, a rusty old hinges causing a high pitched sound to echo in the dark space.

But they remain undisturbed, as if they're on some secret mission of discovering and exploring some sacred spaces known only to the two of them, filled with hot kisses, soft gasps and two wet, sweaty bodies breathing deeply in the still of the night.

It's not until the first signs of daylight find their way through the curtains in his room that they fall down on his bed in a tangle of limbs seconds after he's brought her over the edge yet again, making her question her own sanity and redefine the meaning of the expression 'Ladies first'.

She falls asleep shortly after, exhausted but content, covered by a thin blanket, his hand wrapped around her tightly, providing a perfect shelter from the nightmare her life has turned to in the last couple of days (or years) with a smile on her lips.

Because apparently Lucas was a gentlemen when it came to a few other things too, the ones much more R rated (but equally satisfying).

----BL----

_When I wake up, I know I'm gonna be,  
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you...  
_

The lack of familiar warmth woke him, making him open his eyes in search of the familiar red locks. He blinked a couple of times, rubbing his eyes before turning on the left side slowly, careful not to wake her up. She didn't even stir as he turned, laying his head on the pillow right next to her face. She was always a light sleeper but he couldn't blame her for sleeping in this morning. In fact, he could use a couple of more hours of sleep himself but watching her sleep peacefully was much more appealing.

The sun was already high at the sky and the bright rays struggled to penetrate the dark armor of his curtains to get inside but it was still rather cold in his room for this time of morning (or day). He wasn't really sure what time it was but he suspected it was near noon. Slowly, he got up and picked up his jeans of the floor putting them on and then went to the bathroom, leaving her to sleep.

When he walked back inside the room a couple of minutes later she was still laying in the same position, curled up under the sheets and he leaned on the doorway, watching her. He remembered a saying, one of his favorite when he went to High school. Practice makes perfect. You know, if you do something long enough you'll get better at it and eventually it will turn into a routine almost. He kind of agreed with that, at least when it came to his math assignments. But now, looking at Brooke, he knew _that_ would never stop being new to him and he couldn't even imagine that he'd get to a day he'd call a morning of waking up beside her a routine. Maybe in twenty years or so. The thought made him smile.

She looked so small on that bed. With her eyes closed, the lines of her face looked softer somehow, making her look younger than she was, more innocent. Her hair fell in waves over the pillow, the red contrasting the white, framing her face. He could see her chest rise and fall with every breath she took and he had to remind himself a few times that it was real. She was here, just a few steps away, sleeping peacefully.

It was surreal to be able to smell her perfume that still lingered in the room and see her long lashes flutter as she finally opened her eyes to look at him, rubbing the sleep from them with her small hands. As soon as her eyes met his she smiled and he returned the gesture.

"Hi." she said, her voice thick with sleep, her eyes all innocence, a complete opposite of last night.

"Hey sleepyhead." he greeted in that adorable, boyish way he always smiles even now when he's deep in his twenties. She's glad that hasn't changed though.

She smiled at that, dimples and those impossibly white teeth showing, making her eyes shine when she says "Stalkerish much?"

"I was just on my way from the bathroom and then I saw you..."

"And where else would I be?" she asked sitting up, letting that thin blanked slide down her breasts and puddle on her hips and he's too busy trying to keep his breathing even to focus on her question, as she grabs his shirt that's lying at the edge of the bed and pulls it over her head.

"Luke…"

He finally snaps out of it, and looks up at her eyes. To be quite honest, he doesn't know how to answer her question. Actually he does, but he's too scared to admit it to himself even, let alone to her. Nothing is certain, he's learned that much with a handful of failed relationships and now apparently he's turned into a pessimist, always expecting the worst. Good thing he had cheery there beside him to help him see the lighter side of things.

He smiled at the thought, snapping back to reality.

"What?" he asked, making her roll her eyes with a sympathetic laugh.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing, just…breakfast." he finished lamely.

"Oh, right." she said with a mischievous smile. "Breakfast."

"I was thinking maybe we could go out because I just checked and I have nothing but milk in the fridge."

"And the pie." she chipped in.

"How do you…"

"I saw it in the fridge the other day when I..."

"Hales brought it over together with milk and a few of those frozen lunches in a box that are gone now obviously. Said something about my fridge looking sad or something similarly insulting."

"Yeah well, mine is worse. I'm pretty sure that milk I have in there is like two years past its expiration date."

He laughed "Aren't we a perfect match?"

"Hey, there's always takeout." she suggested.

"I promise I'd get milk by the next time you stop by." he said with all the seriousness he could muster as he sat on the bed beside her. And then the actual suggestion behind his words hit him, and he tried to explain it with little success, sounding more like a sixteen year old he was than he wished to "I mean if you want to…to come by that is."

"No…I do. Sometime, you know when we both agree and…" she smiled at her own clumsiness and looked up at him "Is it me or are we moving a little too fast?"

He nodded "We should take it slow."

"Yeah we should. Although I'd say it's a little late for that, don't you think?" she teased glancing at the bed, referring to the events that took place last night.

"Okay then just slower." he corrected.

"That I can do. I hope." she said with a wink.

She knew there were no perfect moments but this one came damn close to it. There was just some kind of perfect peace to it, that resonated in her heart mixing with a childlike excitement of something new on the horizon, something that would be filled with moments like this, she hoped.

"So…." he started breaking the silence, but keeping his eyes glued to hers as he said "I don't know about you but I feel a little rusty about all this. It's just _us_… and it's been so long I just…"

"You don't wanna ruin it, I get that. Believe me I do." and she did. There was a lot of history there, a lot of weight that that one word held. It was them, Brooke and Lucas. But at the same time it wasn't. It felt different somehow. Better. Maybe it was the maturity that only came with experience and things they went through separate (and together) but it all felt new to her, in a good way though. "We'll get a hang of this eventually."

"Taking it slow right?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah…" she nodded "…and just don't feel like you need to tiptoe around it, I'm a big girl now so if you have something to say just say it."

"I won't. I promise." he said "Alright then, glad we cleared that up. So um, how about that breakfast?"

She laughed "That's it? That's what you end up asking me? And what about pie?"

"It's too early for consuming that much sugar anyways. And I need coffee first."

"Okay so eggs and coffee it is." she agreed before moving the sheets away and turning as her bare feet touched the floor "I'll go get ready."

She was about to stand up when she felt his lips brush gently against the nape of her neck making her close her eyes and smile at the sensation. His hand tangled with hers and he pulled her back, turning her around to face him and her lips parted in anticipation before they even collided with his. It was the best wake-up call she could think off, the one not even coffee could measure with. No amount of caffeine could cause this kind of stirring in her stomach and send such an adrenaline rush through her whole body.

"What happened to taking it slow?" she asked when she opened her eyes.

He kissed her lightly on the lips "Well we are. See?" he said, before leaving a trail of soft kisses down her collarbone. Slowly and deliberately.

She raised an eyebrow and gave him the look "That's not…"

But she didn't get to finish the sentence as his mouth found that spot behind her ear that he knew was her weak spot and she gasped "Oh, I see what you mean."

----BL----

**AN:** I'm so sorry for a late update but I've been really busy with school lately and RL but I'll try to update when I get the chance, I just don't wanna make any promises because they always end up biting me in the ass. Anyway, I hope you liked the chapter :)


	16. Entitled to overcome

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. Chapter title borrowed from a Creed song.

**Summary:** Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting.

**Pairing: **BL

**AN: **First, I'd like to say a big thank you to everyone that reviewed or just read the last chapter because if it wasn't for you guys this chapter wouldn't even be posted. I was stuck with a huge writers block and RL didn't help either so I'm surprised I even managed to finish this one at all. It's a little on the long side but I hope you don't mind :) Also, there's a big chance that this is actually the last chapter that will be followed with an epilogue shortly. And when I get more free time I may write a sequel to this that will explain the things that happen between this chapter and the epilogue that takes place in the future.

**----**

**Chapter 16: Entitled to overcome**

_For tonight is mere formality… only an announcement to the world for feelings long held. Promises made long ago-in the sacred spaces of our hearts. – Lucas, OTH_

----BL----

They don't sleep all that much.

She wakes up around three to go to the bathroom and inadvertently ends up waking him up too as she tries to snuggle closer under the covers. But it wasn't like he was asleep in the first place, he was mostly stuck in that place between sleep and being wide awake, unable to stop his racing mind from _thinking_ about the stupidest things. He was dying to open his eyes and just check quickly if she was actually sleeping next to him and so when she got back from the bathroom, making her side of the bed dip a little under the weight it was the perfect excuse for him to do just that.

"Sorry I woke you." she whispers apologetically, her voice still raspy from sleep and it sends shivers up his back and he wants to kiss her so bad but also pull her close and just hold on because she looks so innocent and small there.

He leans his head to her side of the bed to face her "You didn't, I was already awake."

Then he smiles, and his half opened sleepy eyes make her lips automatically pull into a grin "Oh."

From then on it's just more words, more questions, confessions and neither mentions sleep again. They end up talking for hours, more than they ever did even during their relationship in High school and she isn't sure she prefers this or the part that came before (which was also amazing, just a little more…demanding). Lying next to him, feeling his warm breath tickling her cheek as he talks in that low, husky way makes it hard to decide. She doesn't mind though because it's one of those sweet little troubles that makes her smile more than anything else.

In the end, there's only one thing they don't talk about. He doesn't bring it up and she doesn't push. They have plenty of time for more serious things anyway. Who wants to talk about serious relationship stuff at four in the morning anyway?

----BL----

Her mind is still a little cloudy and she thinks that's the reason that all of this feels like some sort of a dream. She keeps expecting she'll wake up in her apartment alone, to a cold and gloomy New York morning but she never does. No matter how many times she closes her eyes whenever she opens them she's still in his room, bright and filled with North Carolina sunlight. So how screwed up is she really that she's more willing to believe that this, his hands on her back, moving upwards slowly is a dream and not a reality?

It's all too painful to think about so she's grateful for a distraction in a form of his lips pressing a soft kiss just above her collarbone making her giggle.

"Luke…"

"Hm…"

"I'm starving." she says.

"Uhm, me too…" he agrees before kissing her on the lips, softly and slowly as if he's unsure how to, as if he's exploring her mouth for the first time, trying to find out just how much she has changed. But it's all too familiar and soon they both relax, crossing into the well known territory and she knows she'll lose herself in his touch if she doesn't break this up soon.

"I'm serious." she says firmly, moving away.

"I see that." he says, finally looking at her with a smirk on those lips but she knows she can't cave now.

"I didn't mean _that_." she says playfully punching him on the shoulder. "And since when did you become such expert in dirty talk?"

"Hey, I didn't say anything…dirty." he retorts, eyebrow rising "Just that I get that you're starving for…"

"…food." she interrupts him angrily, suppressing the urge to punch him yet again and actually put some force into it. If only he would stop looking at her in _that_ way.

He nods "Okay we'll go get that breakfast then."

"You mean lunch." she corrects.

"It's not that l…" he doesn't get to finish his sentence because his cell phone starts ringing somewhere from the floor making its presence known.

He contemplates whether or not to get up, his eyes moving from the woman in front of him to the pile of his clothes scattered on the floor a few feet away.

"You wanna get that?"

"Yeah, I'll just.." he says as he tries to untangle from the sheets and Brooke laughs as he finally makes it to the phone, grabbing it from the floor with almost victorious look in his eyes.

"Hello?" he answers, breathless.

"Wow, did you just wake up now?" asks the person on the other side.

"No."

"Well you sure did take your sweet time to answer that phone. You aren't just lying around feeling sorry for yourself, are you?" she asks.

"No."

A sigh and then "Aren't you being talkative today."

"Hales what's up, why are you calling?" he asks, pretending he didn't hear the sarcastic remark, wanting to end the conversation as soon as possible so he can return to more _inspiring_ activities.

"I'm checking in on you, silly." she says and pauses before adding carefully "You looked a little…gloomy yesterday so I thought I'd see if you're still breathing or if you maybe need me to come over and bring a few bottles of aspirin."

"Funny. I'm just gonna pretend I didn't hear you say that." he says calmly "And I'm great."

"Good. Good. So you wouldn't mind joining us at a little barbecue in an hour or so?"

"What?"

"Well, Nathan and I thought it'd be fun to have a little get-together since everyone is leaving tomorrow or tonight. You know since they have jobs and school to go to and all so…"

"I dunno Hales." he answers honestly.

"Have I told you that there'll be food? Like stakes and a real barbecue. Nathan swears he knows how to manage that thing we both like two years ago and never got to try out."

"Did she mention food?" Brooke can't help but overhear their conversation as Luke gestures for her to be quiet.

"Luke is that someone there with you?" Haley asks and his eyes widen as he glances at Brooke.

"No…" he denies even if she knows there's no point to it, with that childish pout that made him look all about six years old. Brooke thinks it's adorable. And sort of hot.

"I could've sworn I heard someone. It sounded a lot like…" Haley stops weighting out her response "…Brooke."

"NO." he retorts a little too loudly and he knows he's busted.

"Lucas Eugene Scott, do you have my BFF there with you? At your house? If you made her cry I swear…"

"Haley, I'll come by soon okay? We'll talk then." he says, deciding there's no easy way to explain this over the phone and not end up with a huge phone bill. And a busted eardrum but that would definitely be the least of his worries after that conversation.

"She's there, isn't she?" Haley persists and Lucas rolls his eyes.

"Later Hales."

Brooke mouths an 'I'm so sorry' and he sighs, his lips pulling into a smile easily. But he's sure that no amount of apologizing will save him from Haley if they decide to go to that barbecue.

----BL----

To hold or not to hold? That was the question of the hour for Brooke Davis. Not really to be or not to be matter but close enough. She regretted all those times she skipped English to go drive around or drink lattes (and gossip) with Peyton at the nearby café. Most of all she regretted her decision to go make out with Austin Cage behind the bleachers instead of attending her class when they discussed Hamlet.

They have just left Luke's house and she walked beside him down the street, her hands sweating like she was some schoolgirl as she tried not to look too stiff or uncomfortable as she kept her hand close to her body in an almost robot like position, carefully avoiding his.

She wished they just took the car, it would make this so much simpler. But they both agreed it would be smarter to take a walk, since Haley's house wasn't that far and besides it would give them more time to talk and figure out how they'll break the news to the gang.

But instead of thinking about that she was strangely occupied thinking about whether or not she should just take his hand and tangle her fingers with his. Talk about silly. (That was really the word because really Luke made her feel and act silly. Or was that love in general?).

"Hm, what did you say?"

"I asked what you think about it all, should we tell them about us?" he repeated his question.

"Oh that." she said and then shook her head "I'm not really sure. I mean what is there to tell anyway?"

"Well that we're…" he paused, not really sure what to call it.

"What?" she interrupted him, waiting for him to give her an answer but when he didn't she continued "Luke we haven't even had time to discuss or define what we are so I'm really not sure what to say to Hales or any of them."

"Brooke…" he started, already regretting his question. She's right about all of it as always. But in his defense, he would have talked about this with her before but it never really came up which yeah, he knows is sort of ironic because they have talked for hours and didn't remember to talk about one thing they should've?

"On second thought, we haven't even talked about us at all since I came back here." she said with a laugh.

"Brooke, you've only been here a day. And plus we were a little…busy." he said, voicing his thoughts and even managed to stay serious after Brooke gave him the look that would freeze the hell over.

"Luke that's not what I meant."

He stopped her, putting his hands on her shoulders to turn her around so they were facing each other. She looked into his eyes puzzled by how calm he looked while she felt so confused with the newfound situation.

"You know if you want we can just avoid them and do something else, not go to the Scott residence at all today at least or until we figure things out." he offered.

She shrugged, seriously considering taking him up on the offer.

"Or we can go and have fun with our friends because this is a rare opportunity to have them all here, together and worry about the serious stuff later. Why do we have to define everything right away? Why can't we just let things go the way they want to go?" he asked.

She sighed. He did make a good point. But as ironical as it was coming from her, not defining things scared her more than it amused her. It wasn't as fun as it used to be. Maybe it was because she's gotten older or maybe she was just tired of all the games.

"Besides, don't you think we should go on at least one date before we make it official?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her in that adorable way that makes her want to kiss him when she actually feels like yelling at him.

So she sighed to calm down a little "Don't you think we've already had a first date and the second and…"

Now it was his turn to sigh, making her pause "That was before. This is not the same. This time I want to do better. And honestly if it's that important to you we could just go and get married right now if you're in such a hurry but I don't think it's…"

"What did you just say?" she asked, shocked.

"I said it's not the same." he retorted.

"Not that, the other part, the one about you asking _me_ to merry you…" she explained, her head spinning, her heart beating fast and way too loud, making her feel like she'll faint any minute now.

He took a deep breath and then looked directly into her eyes, and this time he knew exactly what to say because it was right there in front of him, the images changing fast one after the other, all the

questions asked…_ How many moments in your life can you point to and say, that's when it all changed?_

confessions…_ She's the one. I can feel it. _

observations made…_ I dunno what I'd do without you._

words spoken…_ I want you to trust me and believe me when I tell you that my heart was with you._

realizations… _If I ever get a second chance I'd never let you go again._

promises made a long, long time ago…_ People that are meant to be always find their way in the end._

They just clicked now, connected like a puzzle, fitting in a tangent, a line that led to those hazel green eyes. His own words echoed in his mind. _If I ever got a second chance…_

Sometimes it really was as simple as that.

He smiled and with the only words he could find let her peer into his heart, hoping it would be enough "Brooke… I've been down every possible road there was and today, standing here, I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that there will never be anyone else for me but you. And I made a promise to myself that if I ever got that second chance…" he stopped, took a deep breath, his eyes darkening a little and she knew that all of this weren't just words to him "So whether we get married today or in ten months…it's all the same to me. It's just that this time I want to do this right, I want to take you out to dinner and a movie and walk you home after a date and..."

She just stood there, listening to his every word, feeling the smile widen on her face almost as a reflex before she said suggestively "And maybe stay for a drink and a…"

He laughed, tilting his head back "Yeah, but that's not the whole point."

Warmth spread through her whole body at the sight and she wanted to smack herself because she knew she was probably grinning like a fool in the middle of the street "Gosh, I haven't laughed this much in…" and she stopped because really she couldn't remember how long has it been.

"Yeah, me either." he admitted, taken aback by her dimples and those hazel eyes glowing like ember in the bright sunlight.

"So we're…"

"Dating." he filled in the empty space for her "Or at least planning to." he added with a smile "We'll figure out the rest as we go."

"Good enough for me." she said, letting out a breath.

"Okay."

The silence filled out the space between them and they let it linger, enveloping them like a soft, worn out shirt that feels just right even after all that time.

He was just about to kiss her, unable to stay away any longer when she said "So Haley's place it is then." continuing the walk as he joined her with a sigh. Teasing was just one of those skills she hasn't given up with years, unfortunately for him.

"Yes I believe so."

"Don't you think it's a little rude to show up without at least a bottle of wine or something? She will feed us after all." she said.

He shook his head.

"I don't think they'll care much about that." he said honestly.

She shrugged "Maybe not but we're still awful, impolite guests."

"True." he agreed "But I think they'll get over it."

"Yeah, I guess so." she said and the sighed, pondering "I can't believe you just asked me to get married today." she added with a laugh.

"Me neither." he retorted. But really, if she'd said yes he'd be suited up and ready to go in less than an hour. Sometimes when you know, you just know and that's that. Time doesn't change much.

"And if you really thought I'd get married in a _rental_ dress you're delusional. Clearly the taking it slow concept is more than necessary here." she commented jokingly.

"How does March 2015 sound to you, enough time to prepare?" he inquired, turning to the left, curious about her answer.

"Barely." she retorted after contemplating his question for awhile "But I did always want a spring wedding."

"You're such a drama queen."

"I am a girl after all. Besides, the hottest new designer can't get married in some shabby dress that looks like it can swallow me up any second."

"I understand completely." he said barely hiding a smile as they reached the Scott residence.

"But just for the record…" he said making a small pause before raising his hand and pressing it against the hardwood door "I'd marry you anywhere. Even a shabby Tree Hill church."

He smiled and took her hand in hers inadvertently answering the question that troubled her but was now long forgotten, his last words posing a completely different question in her head. The one she knew the answer would be yes.

----BL----

He knocks and after a few seconds the steps are heard on the other side, a muffled laughter and then with just a click of the door opening everything and nothing has changed. They're still the same people they were yesterday, a year ago and Haley is still the best friend Lucas has ever had but there is also that glow in Brooke's eyes that hasn't been there in so long and Luke is looking at Haley as if he'll burst into laughter any minute now which is just about the strangest thing you can say about him ever so Haley smiles and greets them casually all the while thinking, _knowing_ something has shifted.

Something much stranger than the fact Brooke was actually back in Tree Hill, standing at her door step, more alive and vibrant than she's been in days. But Jamie is running towards his favorite aunt and before she has a chance to say anything Brooke kneels down to meet him in a hug.

"Aunt Brooke, you're here." he says, before his small hands wrap around her neck lovingly.

"Hey there big guy." she says lightly.

Lucas just smiles and watches them avoiding Haley's eyes purposely. She doesn't mind though. Whatever the news is she'll find out soon enough. For now she's just happy that they're all here, together.

Still, she makes a mental note to talk to Lucas when she gets a chance.

For now, she just moves aside to let her friends in and smiles as the sound of Brooke's and Jamie's laughter echoes down the hallway as she closes the front door.

The next ten minutes passes in greetings and hugs and everyone trying (and failing) to pretend they aren't that shocked by the new addition to their little barbeque party. Haley can practically see the clock counting down the minutes, seconds before someone will spill out the words and ruin the moment and inevitably the whole afternoon. Right now she has her money on Rachel because the redhead could never miss a chance for a snarky input on a juicy situation.

"OMG, you guys totally did it." she can hear someone say as Lucas and Brooke share an mortified look before turning to face Peyton with a nervous smile. Okay, maybe Rachel is getting a little slow at her old age.

Brooke reacts first by pulling Peyton by the hand and into the house to talk leaving poor Lucas alone. He pulls a hand through his hair tiredly and manages a small smile before Haley comes up to him and says, only half joking "So what do you have to say for yourself?"

He offers her a sheepish smile and says "Why would I need to…"

"Alright I don't wanna sound ungrateful for both of you being here because believe me I'm not. But just yesterday you were sitting at my renewal looking more interested in that bottle of JD than anything else and now suddenly you're all smiles. So excuse me for being worried for you and…"

"Hales there's nothing to worry about. I'm fine. Brooke came last night and…" he stepped back, pausing "Why am I even telling you this? Weren't you the one who practically pushed me to do something about my feelings for Brooke?"

"Absolutely. But as much as I love you, Brooke has also become a really good friend to me and I don't want to see her hurt by anyone, yourself included. So you better not mess this up."

"I won't. Believe me I'm not willing to lose her just as much as you. Probably even less actually."

"Good. Now that we resolved that, I wanna hear how did you two crazy kids finally managed to make a right decision for once."

Lucas laughed "Where do I begin?"

"At the beginning." she says and Lucas sighs but complies on her request.

----BL----

She drags Peyton inside and stops once she's certain they're out of sight and out of hearing distance before she glares at her friend just so she can see how upset she is about her spilling their secret in front of everyone so easily.

Peyton looks at her apologetically before smiling "Oh you can't possibly be upset with me."

"Yes I can." she says defiantly, eyes burning, hands on her hips.

"Brooke, it's not like it wasn't completely obvious as soon as you two walked in that back yard looking like a couple of juniors who just did it for the first time."

"We did not look like th…"

"Okay maybe not that obvious but Lucas was grinning like a madman and you were this close to twirling your hair and _giggling_." Peyton says with mock horror.

"First of all, I do not giggle. Ever. And second of all you had no right saying that right there as if it wa…"

"But it is the truth right?" she asks, relentless.

"That's not the point." Brooke says, not actually giving her an answer.

"Oh, you two soo did it." Peyton teases her.

Brooke rolls her eyes "Who's acting like a schoolgirl now?"

"Sorry, I just…sorry. I'll be twenty-four in a minute." Peyton says, taking a deep breath as she tries to stop the damn smile from creeping up on her face.

"Yes, you do that and I'll go back to my boyf…" she stops herself when she realizes what she was about to say but it's already too late. Peyton is already looking at her as if she's just said she's won a jackpot or something ridiculous like that.

"You guys are…" she interrupts Brooke, eyes wide in surprise "I mean…someone must have had a really good time last night."

"Dear God, you're turning into Haley now. Can we please act like adults about this?" Brooke demands seriously, even though she does find Peyton's enthusiasm kind of contagious. I mean if _Peyton_ is being enthusiastic about this how can she not be? And every time her friend even says Luke's name she feels like smiling but she bites her lip to stop it because she really doesn't want to hear an 'I told you so' from the blonde right now.

"Sure. Right after you tell me what happened with you two. How was it last night? Did you stay at his place?" Peyton says, bombarding her with questions.

"No I slept on the street." she says sarcastically.

"B Davis why are you being so difficult about this? I have a kid at home and a job and a mountain of laundry I'm afraid to even approach so please be nice and entertain me a little."

"My sex life is not there for your entertainment P Sawyer." she says dismissively but caves when she sees her friends face, her smile falling "But if you really must know it was amazing, beyond any expectations. So there, that's all I'm sharing."

"You're no fun B." Peyton complains.

"Hey, I thought we're all past that gossiping, boy talk phase but here you are acting like a sixteen year old, minus the whole bitchy, badass P Sawyer attitude. Which by the way in a moment like this, I sort of miss."

"Hey I'm still badass." Peyton says hitting Brooke on the shoulder in protest.

"Sure you are. That lace top has badass written all over it." Brooke says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Jake bought me this for our anny…"

Brooke gives her the look.

Peyton sighs after glancing at the said top and looks at her friend in defeat "Gosh, what happened to us Brooke?"

Brooke smiles, looking at Lucas and Haley outside talking, looking around the big house they were currently standing in, looking at the little boy playing by the pool (when did he get so big?) and says "We grew up I guess."

And maybe that's all they needed. Time to heal and find their way.

A way back home.

----BL----

Lucas was in Hell. The one filled with endless, confusing questions, courtesy of Haley James Scott. She was the devil, he was certain of that. How else would he explain that he was afraid of a girl that was barely 5'3, heels included? Her dark eyes didn't soften even after he gave her a pretty lengthy explanation of all his actions from last night until the time he showed up at her front door with Brooke and so now he was seconds away from running away. Preferably in the opposite direction.

Finally, a dark hair and bright eyes came into his line of view and he sighed, relieved as Brooke walked up to him, unknowingly rescuing him. He gave her a grateful smile to which she laughed. The only one that didn't find this funny was Haley.

"Brooke hey." Haley greeted her with a quick hug.

"Hales, you didn't torture him too much, did you?"

"Not by a long run."

Lucas laughed nervously.

"It's really great to see you here Brooke."

"Yeah."

"So how's the ruler of all that is evil better known as Victoria?" Haley asked.

"Oh she's fine. Exploring the benefits of my lovely apartment. My mental state? Not so much." Brooke answered as both Haley and Luke laughed.

"Well I'm glad to see you're not bitter about it." Haley commented.

"Not at all." she said, and even if it was said with a dose of sarcasm it was also the truth. She was here with her friends, with Lucas and New York seemed so far away.

Lucas wrapped his hand around her shoulder protectively, pulling her closer and she looked at his eyes assuring him she really was fine. His lips curved upwards, the lines on his face immediately softening but he didn't move away and it was sort of nice, the closeness even if she didn't need anyone to hold her up this time so she leaned into his touch easily.

Haley swallowed, looking for some excuse to leave them alone but Brooke beat her to it.

"So where's that food? I'm starving." she asked, marveling.

"You'll have to ask the man in charge." Haley said, pointing towards the barbecue and Nathan who was currently fiddling with something that looked like a fork and a few stakes.

"I might just do that." Brooke agreed.

"And I might just join you on that one." Lukas said all too enthusiastically. He really couldn't remember the last meal he had. Even if he could he was sure that any calories that he consumed were long spent.

"What did you do to this man B?" Haley asked her, looking at the way Luke was eying that barbecue by the pool.

"Oh you know that a girl never kisses and tells Hales." she said with a grin on her face before leaving to join Nathan, pulling Luke by the hand with her.

----BL----

Nathan sat down on the little brick wall not too far from the electric barbecue, wiping away his forehead. He took a deep breath and looked at the picnic table a few feet away where the girls were sitting, eating seriously burned burgers and chatting about something, his eyes intent. It was nice to see them all having fun, it's been awhile since this place was filled with so much laughter.

He's not surprised though when Lucas joins him, leaning on the small wall casually.

"So why am I still alive again?" his brother asks after a second.

"Burgers were that bad, huh?"

"You know what I mean." Lucas says and Nathan knows he's talking about Brooke.

Nathan isn't really sure himself about the answer to that one.

"Because you make her laugh. And that's enough for me." he says finally looking at one of his oldest friends who's currently eying his older brother from her spot at the table, broad smile on her face.

She finishes her drink before walking up to them, almost bouncing on her feet, her heart full of something she can't quite define but if feels a lot like happiness. She raises an eyebrow and says "So, shall we?"

Nathan looks at Lucas in confusion.

"Absolutely." he agrees softly and she relaxes immediately as his hand reaches for hers.

Nathan just nods at them. He did have doubts about this, the ones he didn't voice, about his brother and Brooke being together again because he knows her and despite all the money and time and fame he knows her heart is still fragile and breaks easily. Especially if Lucas is involved. But seeing them like this he realizes there's a certain balance there, the way his calm nature evens out with her bouncy, animated one.

"Sorry to leave you guys, but we have a date tonight." she explains shortly.

"Can't be late for our first date." Lucas adds as Nate gives him a funny look before letting Brooke drag him away.

The sun is already low on the sky, as she puts on her jacket trying not to think too much about the past and all the years she lost trying to figure out who she was because she knows it had to be that way. Rome wasn't built in a day. She just wishes she didn't lose so much time.

She looks around at her friends gathered around the pool that are pretty much dressed similarly, casual with no ball gowns, suits or mini dresses in sight. They have all changed and there are tiny wrinkles there when they smile, betraying the years and the worries that come and go. It's not always easy, with kids and work and little problems they have to deal with on daily basis. And the big ones in the form of a possible divorce or a separation, resulting from working at two different ends of the country and barely seeing each other or sleepless nights spent by the bedside of a sick child or a husband that's too drunk to even try to think about working on the recovery.

It all scares her a little because as much as she wants to be positive and hope for the best she knows she'll face some of those problems (like how when she goes back to NYC 2500 miles will be separating them) too with Lucas and that it won't all be smooth sailing from here.

This isn't the end. This is just the beginning. But this time they're both in one hundred percent and they'll both fight to make it work.

The smiles at the faces of her friends fill her with a weird sense of hope. Because if they can find it in them to laugh after all they've been through maybe she can too. Maybe the trick is to not think about tomorrow but to enjoy in the moment.

Kinda like now. Her friends, a beautiful sunset and the smell of burnt out stakes and lavender in the air.

She's sure this is the best party she's been to in years.

"Nervous?" he asks, eyes bright, eager for her answer. She's almost forgotten what it was like. To have someone that needs you like this.

"A little, but I think I'll manage." she answers and it's the truth. Because despite the nervousness, all their ups and downs and the still not completely forgotten heartache, she needs him too.

"How hard can it be?"

Pretty hard if their past was any indication. But not as hard as watching her parents argue every single day or hear about their divorce from the pool boy. Or as hard as losing the company you spent years and many sleepless nights building, to a mother that barely acknowledges your existence. And definitely not as hard as letting the one boy you give a rats ass about go.

----BL----

**AN:** That was that. Epilogue to follow soon.


	17. Epilogue

**Disclaimer**: See previous chapter. Lyrics by Dido.

**Pairing: **BL

**Summary: **Learning sometimes means soul searching. There are no words to calm that kind of hurting.

**AN:** When I get more free time I'm hoping to post individual review responses because you guys totally deserve it but for now I'd like to say thank you to all the wanderful people that took time to leave a review, **paranoidbychoice**, **dianehermans**, **brucasever**, **TeamSophia**, **.Cinnamon**, **Long Live BRUCAS**, **monkeyluver012**, **yaba**, **dee**, **troypazash**, **ravencheerleader**, **princetongirl**, **Brucas10**, **whiters**, **BDavisLScott23**, **Addicte**, **sunshine**, **bella**, **BRUCAS123**, **miralinda**, **Ash1984**, **leona**, **othfan326**, **kItty'RoCkeR**, **catcat51092**, **bex**, **ashstalker**, **Jill Cohen**, **ILoveSarahSophia**, **Princesakarlita411**, **xnxdx**, **Babi**., **psiek**, **juicetroop82** and **OTH-Brucas-love** and also to the ones that favorited, alerted or just read this story. Also since this is is the last chapter I'd love to hear what you guys think about it or the story as a whole. Btw, this takes place six months after the events in previous chapter in case you get confused. Thanks again!

-----

**Epilogue**

_I've always thought that I'd love to live by the sea...I have no idea what's happened to that dream, cause there's really nothing left here to stop me_

_But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy well I deserve nothing more than I get  
cause nothing I have is truly mine..._

----BL----

**Six months later**

She was standing with a group of well dressed designers, involved in a heated discussion about the good and bad surprises of the just finished New York fashion week. Every few minutes she made a comment or two, just enough to keep them from asking too much. Her glass was empty, the champagne that was there just seconds ago, gone and she wishes she stood closer to the bar so she could get a refill. This way she was reduced to forced sobriety unless that blue eyed waiter came back with another tray of _something_ (at this point she wasn't above accepting one of those fruity colorful cocktails).

It's not exactly a place she wants to be at but it's necessary, she never held any illusions she would actually enjoy herself here. It was just business, nothing more. There were some things pretty, expensive dress and make up couldn't cover up. But there was no time for complaining, this was the life she chose a long time ago.

She saw the creative director of her company coming her way and she moved a few strays of her dark hair from her face and smiled, or at least tried to.

"Christopher." she acknowledged.

"Miss Davis. Wonderful party, isn't it?" he asked conversationally.

"Yes, but you can't expect anything less from Vanity Fair." It was nothing short of spectacular, with designer decorations and she was certain she never saw so many stars, wannabe celebrities and models crowded in one single room. But it was also tiring, the constant mingling, fake smiles and useless conversations.

Being the head of one of the most perspective designer companies in NYC didn't come without a price.

He nodded in agreement, drinking up the rest of his scotch "You have a point there." he said and then paused, hesitant "It is amazing indeed. Unlike the comments I've been hearing about our latest collection."

She frowned, took a deep breath "What do you mean?"

"Well, there were rumors backstage after the show…"

"What rumors?" she asked, turning to face him and managing to freeze him in place with her steely cold expression.

"People talk. And I had the opportunity to chat with quite a few designers, even Tom Ford who commented something about it being dull, uninspiring and repetitive. And then he added that we were fools for letting Brooke Davis go."

"What?"

"At least we weren't as bad as that Lindsay Lohan debacle with Versace."

Victoria scuffed, finding little comfort in those words and then b-lined to the bar for a refill.

----BL----

**One month ago…**

The room is quiet except for the soft taping sound – her fingers connecting with the wood of the desk in soft, even internals. Its part boredom, part nerves as she continues staring at the black screen of her HP laptop, stuck in the moment. A second ago she's finished another Skype chat with her boyfriend and has come down to a cold reality of her empty office. As cold as it sounds, she was smart enough to know that a relationship that depended on a good internet connection and their schedule was barely a relationship at all. Maybe it would be enough if they were two adolescents who could be satisfied with a few long weekly chats and seeing each other once a month but it wasn't to her. And she had a feeling he shared that sentiment.

Because lately they've spent more time arguing about nothing and everything and the only thing they did agree upon was that that their inability to spend more time together was to blame for most of their current problems. And she was tired of spending more time at airports and planes than with him, tired of saying goodbye every time a weekend ends, tired of falling asleep with the phone in hand, tired of sitting at office meetings and thinking she's just fall apart if she doesn't get to at least call him to hear his voice in the next five minutes, tired...just tired. New York is cold and it makes her feel even lonelier, feel his absence deep in her bones every time the wind blows harder and she has to pull her coat to keep herself warm.

She leans back in her leather chair with a sigh, closing her eyes, certain of only one thing – she won't let this go no matter what. Maybe she's not holding on hard enough, she thinks or maybe…maybe she's holding on too tight to other things. It's just a thought and it slides from her mind as soon as the door opens and Millie walks in.

Her head snaps from the laptop to the door as she shuts it down with an audible click and forces a smile.

"Brooke, I called on the phone but you weren't answering."

"I was…distracted. What did you need?"

"I just called you to inform you that David said that those two dresses for the spring/summer collection will be finished by tomorrow." the brunette says, holding a stack of papers in one hand and a pencil in another.

"Okay." Brooke says knowing by her expression that she doesn't really look like a girl who's happily in love and practically has everything she could ever want in her life.

Millicent looks at her strangely, as if she was planning to say something else too but then decided against it at the last second so she turned around to leave.

"Anything else?"

"Nothing im..."

"Millicent?" she calls out just before she disappears out of her sight.

She sighs, giving in "Your mother said she needs to see you as soon as possible at her office."

"Oh." Brooke says in a barely audible voice and wishes she hasn't asked anything at all. She really isn't in the mood to talk with the Satan's spawn right now. "Tell her I'm not here or that I went to rehab or just make up something equally colorful, I don't really care."

It doesn't really matter, she knows Victoria will call her again to criticize her latest interview that came out in Vogue or the dress she wore to that event yesterday or her latest designs or anything she does that's not previously fully approved by the mother dearest. She was a fool for thinking the accident would change her or at least make her put things in perspective. People never change, at least not if they don't consciously decide to. And things always stay the same.

Right now she's in not better position than she was six months ago. And that must officially be the scariest conclusion she's ever had. It makes her feel like she's trying to breathe under water, stuck and condemned.

"Sure." Millie says a little too quickly, as if she's expected to hear that answer. In fact, Brooke's sure she has a long list of excuses prepared for this kind of situations precisely.

"Wait." the word comes out of her mouth so quickly it shocks her almost as much as it does Millicent.

"Yes?"

"Actually tell her…" she thinks of that deep, cold water, panic taking over as she tries to take a breath "tell her I'll be there in a minute. And please get me Michael on the phone." she says and a smiles a little in relief as the fresh air fills her lungs.

"I'm not sure he's here today. I think he had some court appointment this morning." Millicent explains.

"I don't care. Call him and tell him it's an emergency and that I need to talk to him."

Two minutes later Millie notifies her that their company lawyer, Michael Cage is on the phone. She takes the call and after a few minutes of assuring him that she hasn't actually gone completely mad he agrees to have the contract ready in ten minutes for her, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. He knew better then to try to talk her out of this. When Brooke Davis decided something that was that, there was no changing her mind. And this was definitely one of those times.

Just as she's about to go out he comes to her office to hand her the papers and asks her once again if she is sure about this.

"Absolutely." she answers and picks up the papers from him giving them a onceover before signing them quickly. It doesn't feel like defeat at all, more like her actions finally catching up with her heart.

He gives her a sympathetic look before leaving the office and she just smiles, thinking she'll never have to sit at that damn airport surrounded by the small sea of bags ever again.

-----BL-----

She walks into the small office located a few feet from her own, not bothering with introductions or small talk and says "It's all yours." before dropping the papers on the desk.

Her mother looks up at her with a similar expression as Michael and she can't really blame her because she's not entirely sure what she's doing herself. "It's all yours now." she repeats.

"What are you talking about Brooke?" Victoria asks finally paying more attention to the papers on her desk. She glances at them quickly and then looks up "What is this?"

"Everything you ever wanted mother." she says calmly and it stings a little because it's the truth. This is everything her mom ever wanted. Victoria remains quiet, waiting for her to elaborate and so she does "The Company is all yours. I'm done."

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"Absolutely not. I had Michael put the contract together, if you don't believe me you can check it out yourself but I'm done. I'm resigning today."

"But…" her mother starts and for once she is speechless. If she wasn't so tired Brooke would find this funny "Did something happen or…"

"Not really. I'm just tired of renting my life out to this company, to the press, to you…" she says with a sigh, her eyes glistering with the unshed tears "I don't want to do it anymore."

These last six months (or five years) she kept fighting for it, thinking it was what she wanted, what she needed to be happy. But she had it wrong all along. She was fighting for the wrong thing.

Her mother examines the papers more carefully as she speaks and when she realizes this isn't some kind of scam she smiles victoriously, as if she's just won but Brooke knows it's anything but.

There is nothing here left for her so she turns and slowly walks away.

----BL----

"Ask me where I'm standing."

"Brooke…"

"Ask me." she demands again, the excitement coloring her voice.

He sighs and she can almost see him rolling his eyes as he smiles and says "Where are you standing?"

"Outside in the street, in front of the B Davis company." she explains.

"You mean in front of your company." he says.

"Actually…"

There's a brief pause on the line before he says "Brooke, what did you do?"

"I don't own it anymore." she says and hears him cough as he almost chokes on his coffee on the other line.

"What? Brooke you love that company. You invested everything you had in it." he says knowing how important it is to her.

"No, I love you. And the company was…it was just a hiding place." she says slowly, as if she's testing the words, as if she's just come to this particular discovery herself. This is new to her, not having the safety net to fall into if he fails her but somehow this time she thinks he won't or at least hopes he won't and it's the most progress she's made when it comes to Lucas Scott in years.

He knows that and almost chooses to tell her she shouldn't have so much faith in him because he's failed her time and time again and this newfound confidence she has in him is scaring him a little. In the end he doesn't say anything but hopes silently he'll live up to her expectations. He will try at least.

"There will always be other companies, other jobs, but there's only one guy I love. So you better spread out that red carpet because I'm coming there." she says jokingly and he laughs.

A bus passes by the sidewalk she's standing on and she waits, asks him to repeat his question because she hasn't heard him.

"I said when should I come pick you up at the airport?"

"I dunno yet. I have to call the company and reserve a ticket so I'll call you later." she says sounding unusually excited about that. It's strange, she knows but it's been years since she's done anything practical as this alone. Millicent usually did it for her and left the ticket at her desk to pick up in the morning.

"Okay." he agrees and they chat for a few more minutes before he interrupts her.

"So we're really doing this, huh?" he asks.

She stops, her eyes falling on the small bag by her feet filled with sketchbooks and the jacket in her hand (the only things she took with her from the office she's worked at for years) and says "Yeah…yes we are."

And then she's laughing in the middle of a busy New York street alone like a crazy person, thinking about the way it will feel to kiss him in the middle of LAX knowing she doesn't have to let go. Ever again.

----BL---

Four months later she opens a small exclusive B Davis boutique in L.A. Luke and Jake help her with the heavy lifting, the paint job and the shelves and Peyton helps her with the design and advertising. She spends the night before opening inside, sitting on the floor, looking around the place with a sense of pride knowing every little thing there was her doing. The dresses, the shirts, event the neatly stacked scarf's on the shelves by the door she's spent an hour folding in place and this small place feels more hers than that big company ever did.

Somehow she even ends up sending Victoria an invitation to the opening. She doesn't come and Christopher calls her a night before and mentions that the company is not doing so well. She understands and even feels a little sad until Luke comes and plants a kiss on her forehead affectionately making her smile.

The opening of the boutique turns out to be a complete success, attracting even a few celebrities but the only thing that matters to her is that Peyton and Jake are there and that Nate and Hales even endured a long flight from North Carolina to L.A just to come and see the place she's been talking about for months over the phone.

It's comforting to have Peyton living just five minutes away from Luke's and hers apartment. It feels a lot like old times, back in Tree Hill. And often Hales jokes in passing how Nate should accept that offer from L.A Clippers finally so they can just move here because those damn plane rides are tiring, especially for a pregnant woman and her phone bill is through the roof. He just smiles at her significantly and she thinks that can't be far behind.

And at nights like this, Los Angeles feels like home.

The boy with blue eyes told her once that she was gonna change the world someday. But the thing he forgot to motion was that the one world she needed to change the most was hers.

(The end)


End file.
